Testimonials

There are only three tables sat in the restaurant, but still nothing is coming out of the kitchen. Michel is stubborn about doing everything on his own when he's alone with his staff, but with a camera crew he's unbearable, not letting Devon the Sous Chef touch anything. Jane tells us that Michel gets jealous and cries if a chef is too good, so Devon stays out of the way. Until Michel decides to go out on the floor and "charm" the customers by spitting all over them, drinking their wine, and arm wrestling the old men. The second he's out of the kitchen, Devon has twenty sauce pans working and is chopping and dicing like Ratatouille did when all the mean ignorant Frenchies left his kitchen.

Watch out, Dev! You'll lose your wiener!

Food finally starts coming out while Michel is making his rounds on the dining room floor, claiming to know the people who made the wine a customer complimented and insisting that he invented french fries. He tells the cameras that he likes talking to the customers because it's good for his ego. God, at least pretend not to be a dick. Gordo's grade is, hmmmm, I wonder what he's gonna say, an F. He says that French people may be nasty, but they at least have passion. This man does not! Again, Michel stays quiet in front of Ramsay and then goes and curses out the camera man. I am picturing a meek little guy behind the camera wearing plastic trash bags and goggles. This man's rants are wetter than the front row at a Shamu show.

Since yelling and cursing be a man you're shit disgusting talentless sucky suck isn't working, Gordo tries a unique tactic. He boards up the restaurant and puts FORECLOSED signs all over it so that Michel will know how it's gonna feel when he loses the place. HAHA. I doubt banks go to the trouble of covering every single inch of foreclosed-on buildings with hundreds of signs, but Ramsay's not known for his subtlety. He knows Michel's gonna lose his shit, so he keeps the hammer handy.

Thirty minutes late for work, Michel drives up in his black Mercedes and starts screaming in his car when he sees the signs. He almost starts screaming at Gordo, but then he notices the hammer in his hand so he saves his rant for the poor cameraman, who's gotta be feeling at least a little bit insecure by this time. There is nothing constructive about ruining his reputation in a small town! Now everyone will be saying that his restaurant isn't doing well! Don't worry, I'm sure even if they do start saying that, your average customer won't hear it. Besides, anyone who would pay for a tiny slice of strawberry with cheese on top has given up on life and will continue coming to the restaurant even if you cooked up Jane and plated her.

What are you smiling at? He didn't say you were special, he said you were the special. Don't flatter yourself.

Gordo didn't actually nail any of the boards or signs in, he was just joshin! Hope you learned something! After the set pieces are moved away, it's time to go to the kitchen and get down to work. Gordo teaches the staff to make simple dishes, like roasted chicken and onion soup. Uhh, are you just gonna pull out the same bag of tricks for every episode? I'm waiting for him to suggest a wood burning oven for margherita pizzas.

A few new specials on the menu, it's time for dinner service. At first, the customers are loving the new food and it's selling well, but it doesn't take long for Michel to let the tickets start piling up. He has two sous chefs at his side, but he just curses at them when they offer to help, and since no one else can understand what the hell he's saying, they don't hear him when he starts 86ing food. Twenty minutes after announcing that specials are over, the waiters keep giving the customers the hard sell only to find out there's nothing to serve.

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Posted in Kitchen Nightmares by Flipit at 4:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (11)
Last Comment: pinkberries on Nov 15, 2008 09:52 PM.