I have never, ever, ever met someone I believed in as little as you.
I didn't want to watch this show at first. Not because I don't love Gordon Ramsay (deep down, who doesn't?), but because I work in a restaurant and I am fat, lazy and unmotivated. In fact, I have worked in one restaurant or another and been fat, lazy and unmotivated since I was fourteen, and I don't like being called out on it by some psycho foreign guy. I have to deal with that dude at work, why would I invite him over? The thought of coming home after a long day of getting yelled at and sweating the odor of cous cous (or enchiladas, or pizza, or Applebee's riblets...I have had a very long and distinguished career, ok?) to lay back and marvel at other fat, lazy, unmotivated people similarly sweating the odor of a stranger's food while getting yelled at seemed downright masochistic. It's the same reason I don't watch The Biggest Loser. I'm tryin' to eat, here.
Obviously, I got over myself, set the DVR, and fell in love. I was surprised to find that when a show looks like it could be based on your sucky life experiences, you should watch it. Kitchen Nightmares totally made me feel awesome about my po ass situation. I've slogged through some pretty gross kitchens, but none have compared to the dumps featured on this show's first five minutes every week. My life doesn't suck as bad as these sad sacks. Oh, you know what else is good? The Biggest Loser.
Dean, the owner of tonight's nightmare kitchen, crosses his arms confidently and smiles at the cameras. "I don't believe there's a better operator, or restauranteur, than me." Ooh, Wolfgang Puck, you got served. Dean has taken this old Stone Mill in Tuckahoe, New York and converted into a restaurant practically all by himself. Well, he didn't do the electrical stuff, but everything else. I can't help but wonder if this monologue was recorded before or after all the shots of him almost electrocuting himself trying to change a light bulb. As he tells us he just can't understand how he has no business, the editors tell us exactly why. The food's nasty, the waiters are dumdums, and Dean is a cheapo.
Saran Wrap saves the day again.
Dean's wife interrupts the montage of Dean being the best businessman ever (he points, he yells, he chomps on a big fat cigar) to ask him for money to pick up the dry cleaning. He's like "money?! You want money?! Guess who else wants money! All the poor people we aren't paying! Why did I marry a woman who can't do her own goddamn dry cleaning! ARGHHH! Money! You want goddamn money?!?" The wife, obviously used to this rant, stands by patiently and waits for a fiver. This guy's a real charmer.
Guess who else wants their dry cleaning? Starving children living in FEMA trailers. Get out, you stupid woman!
Mike, the Olde Stone Mill's Chef, is so sick of being yelled at day in and day out that he has lost all his passion for food. You don't say.
Dammit, now I've lost my passion for food.
Tom, the General Manager, has quite a few issues to deal with. It's hard to get the waiters to move, the food's so bad he can't eat it, and everything's dirty. Tom is all roll-y eyes and face scrunches, and I immediately recognize him as the incompetent gossipy knucklehead of the Mill. Every restaurant has one. The guy is dissing the restaurant he is in charge of and acting like a passive onlooker to some other fool's circuis. I hope his ass gets fried tonight. Oh yeah, and is it me or does he resemble Carol, the fat slut Horatio Sanz played on SNL?
I'm Caaaarol!
General Manager Tom and Chef Mike agree on one thing: the food at the Olde Stone Mill sucks ass. The only reason the place hasn't shut it's doors is that there's a retirement home across the street, and (as Mike puts it,) the "blue heads" come in all the time. Montage of old people cutting up unrecognizable (to even people who can see) entrees, complaining about how long it's taking to get their food, and pooping their pants.
My favorite employee so far is Jeanie, the hostess, because on excruciatingly slow nights, as her boss yells and creates ridiculous drama, she ponies up to the bar with both a glass of wine and a Diet Coke. I can totally relate.
\
I don't care if you pay me in liquids. This bitch don't work for free.
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Comments (7)
I'm so glad you are recapping this show flipit!
I've gotten a little spoiled and watching the show without a recap is not the same. What is up with every restaurant serving crab cakes? Is it a law or something? And who knew there were so many disgusting places out there.
Hopefully Gordo will actually get to smack someone this season. That I would love to see!
Love ya.
1 of 7 | Posted by CheriesTake | Posted on October 21, 2007 12:03 PM
Sundays with Flip. Yay!
This was a spectacularly dull episode, the highlight being Jeanie's constant malapropisms, as you pointed out.
The ending was so rushed -- all of a sudden the printer was fixed and everybody got their food.
While not as good as the British series, watching Chef RamJam tear strips off people and knock them into shape is still good television.
Glad you're recapping this show. Hope the eps improve.
2 of 7 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on October 21, 2007 2:25 PM
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
Finally, the recap of Kitchen Nightmares!
Excellent, of course. When you said Tom looked like Carol, I peed myself a little. I'm not ashamed.
Now the show is even better!
3 of 7 | Posted by lickitysplit | Posted on October 21, 2007 6:26 PM
Oh Flipit... you are so right.... having lived this life makes the show all that much more entertaining.... I can soooo relate. Where the fuck was Gordon when I needed him!
Glad to see you're finally back to work....geezzzzz
4 of 7 | Posted by chooch850 | Posted on October 21, 2007 9:51 PM
I too thought this was a dull episode, but Flipit's hilarious recap reminded me of a few of the funnier moments: the wife finding out they were $500K in the hole and the waiter telling the couple that the bag their food came in was edible. Yeah, that's just what I want to hear when I go to a nice restaurant and am about to spend $40-$50 apiece, that I can eat the paper bag. And the screencap of that horrific looking salad was priceless. Whose bright idea was it to shape salad in a funnel? I have a close friend who runs a restaurant, so I know it's a hard gig, but the choices people make on this show are mind boggling. But what's not mind boggling is Flipit's decision to recap. Keep up the awesome work!
5 of 7 | Posted by greeneyes | Posted on October 22, 2007 7:12 PM
Haha! I really missed the ol' Ramsey. It's amazing what that guy can do, seriously.
The food here was atrocious. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. But now, thankfully, we can all live the American way and have a healthy dose of fine meat. Yum!
Thank you for you review! You cracked me up, and I look forward to reading more.
6 of 7 | Posted by Trey | Posted on October 23, 2007 7:20 AM
try watching the British version of this show on BBC. it's a lot more genuine and insightful. the fox version has definitely been "americanized" and sensationalized with tricky editing and cliched gimmicks.
and barbara was a bitch! she's like i'll let my husband stress by himself. oh and if he fails, i'm gonna leave him. paging julie cooper-nichol minus the smarts, charms, or laughs.
7 of 7 | Posted by ohsnaponline.com | Posted on October 24, 2007 7:58 AM