Melissa says that G-Ram "came close to ordering the worst things, but everything you get here is pretty much crap food." I love how she says this all smugly, as though she has nothing to do with the "crap food" being the head chef and all. It's one thing to have bad food because you can't help it, but it's another to just be a lazy bitch who specializes in microwave-friendly fare. Go stick your head in your microwave, Lazy Bitch.
Carolyn says she's "praying that Chef Ramsay will be happy with everything," which seems like a pretty silly thing to say because why would you have asked him to come fix your restaurant if he was going to like everything from the start? G-Ram actually does like the clam chowder, and tells Billy, who defers the compliment to Lazy Bitch and says she's doing a "nice job." That's about the end of the compliments, however, as the next course is a seafood crepe that G-Ram says is more like "seafood crap." Haha, G-Ram, I'll give you a pass on that one because you're cute, but seriously. You get one.
Anyway, apparently they put imitation crab meat in the crepe, but don't mention on the menu or to G-Ram that it's imitation, to which he says that if he'd been told, he wouldn't have ordered it. Is it even legal to do that? And what's with people trying to pull one over on a world-class chef? Maybe he won't notice that he's eating rubber instead of crabmeat. Yeah, and maybe he'll have a threesome with Carolyn and Billy in the back of his Hummer to Bon Jovi's "Bed of Roses." Maybe.
Maybe not.
Carolyn is a mess in the corner, crying and blabbering inanely into a napkin. She says she wanted him to be happy with the restaurant, but "she knew deep down inside that there has to be something wrong with the restaurant, otherwise he wouldn't be here." Ding-ding-ding-ding, We have a winner. G-Ram sits Billy, Carolyn and Lazy Bitch down and tells them that the problem he sees so far is that the food is just plain terrible, to which Lazy Bitch nods in vehement agreement. G-Ram calls her out on it, and she admits she has no passion for the job and doesn't want to be a chef. Bill and Carolyn are understandably shocked and confused, and and G-Ram asks why she even bothered to apply for the job as a chef, as desire to get a job is usually one of the qualifying factors in the application process. Lazy Bitch says that the old guy left and she was there so she applied. Bill and Carolyn both want to kill her.
Bitch better sleep with one eye open.
G-Ram holds a dinner service so he can find out precisely why the food sucks. Two words, G-Ram. Lazy Bitch. The food that goes out looks nasty as all hell, and for some ridiculous reason, they use half instant, half fresh mashed potatoes so they don't have to cook more potatoes all night long.
Three words, G-Ram. Lazy. Fucking. Bitch.
They show Amanda taking a customer's order for french fries, and the customer adds, "don't burn them, please." Favorite customer ever. Cut to Lazy Bitch serving a plate of burned french fries. Worst chef ever.
If that isn't enough, they run out of regular veggies during dinner service, and Lazy Bitch starts serving radishes. When people complain, she responds, "Yeah, I wouldn't eat the radishes either." She then serves up frozen veggies and calls them crap. Then G-Ram takes her face and bashes it into the hottest burner on the stove in frustration. Not really, but this is what I picture in my head so that I don't throw the remote at the TV.
G-Ram takes Billy aside and tries to explain that the food. is. bad. Billy refuses to agree, because "it's not bad in everybody's opinion."
I ate an empty Pringles can and some styrofoam peanuts instead of your leftovers. But it's probably not bad in everyone's opinion.
G-Ram tells Billy that everything sucks, and he's accepted the suckage and it's his fault. Billy says that he doesn't think it's THAT bad, and he starts to turn on G-Ram. This is the part where I reiterate my confusion as to what these people know about G-Ram and why they thought they'd be the exception to his general rule about screaming at dumb people with shitty restaurants. Billy probably thought G-Ram would be cool with him because of his wicked 'stache.
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Comments (7)
Hahahaha, AuJew, you got me gigglin'! Great recap, expecially the Lazy Bitch T-Shirt... that last picture of her SO reminds me of the lovely ass-faced Lisa Fernandes from Top Chef 4! SO attractive!
One thing I've always felt was not-so-comfortable was trying to eat dinner in a restaurant that's connected directly to a sleazy bar... it's one thing at like Outback or Red Lobster, but some divey biker-bar likely to break out in fistfights is not going to make for a pleasant dining experience... but then again, neither is any food handled, prepared, or even LOOKED at by Lazy Bitch... LOL!
love & hugs,
xoxox
J-Mo :)
1 of 7 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 15, 2008 3:48 PM
AuJew! Just wanted to return the love you've been leaving on my ANTM recaps. I've gotta admit that I don't watch Kitchen Nightmares, but that doesn't mean that the recaps and especially screencaps aren't fun to scan! Glad I can keep you thoroughly entertained/distracted at work :)
2 of 7 | Posted by Hoolia | Posted on September 15, 2008 8:12 PM
your whole description of amanda the server IS the typical long island girl to a tee. now imagine being in a jam-packed bar with t-pain blaring while one of them tells you that "like, i wanna, like, do a lot with, like, my life, ya know?" yeah...not as much fun as you think it'd be.
btw, the 347/25a west split....comedy gold.
3 of 7 | Posted by baymenxpac | Posted on September 16, 2008 9:10 AM
your whole description of amanda the server talking about gordon IS the typical long island girl to a tee. now imagine standing in a jam-packed bar, bud light being spilled on your feet, while guys who didn't get the memo that no man over the age of 19 should wear any cologne sold in hollister bumping into you. t-pain making your ears bleed while a girl just like that explains that "like, i really, like, wanna do, like, a lot of things while i'm, like, young, ya know?" yeah...not as much fun as you'd think. sorry, i'm bitter.
hahaha and the 347/25a west split...comedy gold.
4 of 7 | Posted by baymenxpac | Posted on September 16, 2008 9:17 AM
AuJew:
Thank you for the picture of G Ram from behind. Mmmm, yummy. They didn't give us any shirt changing footage! Come ON Fox, get with the program. Shirt changing is mandatory, as well as complaining about imitation crab meat. Bonus points if he says "tinned" crab.
Lady Mullet was totally hammered when she showed up after Billy Bob ran off. So, does that mean she was drinking at her day job? What is her day job? Clothing designer for Merry Go Round? Bartender? DJ at the local disco? Is there an acceptable reason for her to get a day off from filming, other than her real job? Was she playing hooky and drinking all day in different shitty bar?
I wonder if they named it the Handlebar after the 'stache.
5 of 7 | Posted by shelleyh | Posted on September 16, 2008 7:59 PM
J-Mo: hahahaha i didn't think about the fleasa resemblance, but now that you mention it, heck yes. the only difference is lazy bitch seemed willing to admit that she sucked. fleasa would be blaming the distributors of the rice that she used for putting it in the wrong packaging or something like that. bwahhahaha and the only time you eat in a shady bar is when you're so drunk that your munchies override your good sense. and always, love to you too. mwah!
hoolia: thank you for the love :o) i love love. and if you're ever bored on a thursday at 9 pm, you should really give KN a shot. watching dumb people get yelled at by a tempermental brit is endlessly entertaining.
baymenxpac: don't i know it. i went to school in northeastern PA, which was basically pennsyljersey, and all the girls there were just like that. only blonder. wearing uggs and short denim skirts together in all season. *shudder*
shelleyh: agreed, we need more g-ram shirtless moments. never enough. i'm glad i'm not the only one that thinks that lady mullet was completely hammered. i mean she was actually slurring. nice of g-ram to be so sweet to her though. maybe her day job is in a distillary. and my theory is that he grew the 'stache after he bought the handlebar. he strikes me as cheesy that way.
6 of 7 | Posted by AuJew | Posted on September 17, 2008 6:06 AM
Did you know that if Bon Jovi was a baron, he'd be:
Baron John von Bon Jovi.
7 of 7 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on September 17, 2008 11:28 AM