G-Ram holds an inspection the next morning to find out just how dirty the kitchen is, and to be honest, I'm tempted to skip this part. Basically, he ends up with his hands full of rotting seafood and slimy, congealed grease and it's almost as disgusting as Carolyn's fashion sense. I will mention that in this disgusting montage we get treated to a little G-Ram back-action. That made it worth it.
The most delicious thing thus far.
G-Ram asks Lazy Bitch why the kitchen is a mess, since she's responsible for keeping it clean, and her answer is that it's "a hundred times better than it was before" which pretty much confirms my feelings about eating out anywhere G-Ram hasn't been in the past 24 hours. Lazy Bitch says she takes responsibility for not changing things, but it isn't all her fault. She says this with a snarky face that I just want to slap right off of her, and you know she's really pissing me off since I'm generally a fan of the snark. Billy says he wants more credit for the things he has done, like drink at the bar before noon and buy imitation crab meat in bulk.
G-Ram asks Billy to come outside to talk to him about how filthy and repugnant his restaurant is. Billy says he was hoping G-Ram would tell him that he "understands that this isn't his fault." Bwahahhahahahahahaha oh Billy, what planet do you live on, and how can I get there? G-Ram tells him the restaurant is so disgusting it infuriates him, and Bill pretty much just shuts down right then and there. He goes inside, and when G-Ram follows him, he tells him to go fuck himself. G-Ram remains surprisingly calm at this point, which makes me respect and love him in a very inappropriate way even more. Billy throws a huge tantrum, takes off his mic, and walks out. He then stands on the corner of the street rehearsing a speech to tell off G-Ram. Nice, good luck with that one. It strikes me as odd, however, that he took off his mic, but we can still hear him. Shenanigans anyone?
Mad libs! Fill in the blanks! I chose chalk for all three.
The waitstaff try convince Gordon that Billy really does want his help, and Gordon asks them to go talk to Billy for him. The girls all tell Billy off for being a dickwad and he walks away again. He calls Carolyn and tells her they're going to sell the place and go to bankruptcy court to solve their problems because he has a teeny weenie and can't handle the constructive criticism that precedes positive change. At least, that's what his therapist tells him.
I just don't get it. She looks amazing.
Billy drives away and G-Ram and Carolyn sit down to talk. She seems...wasted. She's crying and slurring and having trouble holding her head up. G-Ram asks, "let me help you" in a kind, gentle voice and have I mentioned I love him? I love him. Carolyn pulls it together, though, and despite the fact that she's married to a three year old, is determined to go ahead with the Handlebar, Billy or no Billy. Yay, feminism!
The staff have been cleaning all day, and I have a lot of respect for those girls because man, that place was nast-AY. Carolyn calls Billy and tells him that he can fuck himself because she's doing it with G-Ram's help and support. And probably a little kickback from the production department.
They run a dinner service without changing much except for one special. I'm not sure what the point of this is, but it seems to go okay. G-Ram is all sexy in his chef's jacket and calling people "love" and everything is groovy until Billy walks in. He says he came back for his wife, and that he still hates G-Ram.
Things start to fall apart in the kitchen when Lazy Bitch loses her shit. She sucks big time, and people get annoyed and patrons even start to fight with each other. Because they are from Long Island, these fights are all in amazing Long Island accents, and a 12 year old successfully shuts down grown adults.
No Bitchassness.
G-Ram and Billy go outside and Billy rants and raves about how he's nevah evah EVAH nevah EVAH seen his kitchen fall apart like that. G-Ram doesn't explain to him that they fell apart because they actually had customers, but does tell him that Lazy Bitch is pretty much to blame for being a lazy bitch. Oh, and also their four menus are too much for anyone to handle, especially a lazy bitch.
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Comments (7)
Hahahaha, AuJew, you got me gigglin'! Great recap, expecially the Lazy Bitch T-Shirt... that last picture of her SO reminds me of the lovely ass-faced Lisa Fernandes from Top Chef 4! SO attractive!
One thing I've always felt was not-so-comfortable was trying to eat dinner in a restaurant that's connected directly to a sleazy bar... it's one thing at like Outback or Red Lobster, but some divey biker-bar likely to break out in fistfights is not going to make for a pleasant dining experience... but then again, neither is any food handled, prepared, or even LOOKED at by Lazy Bitch... LOL!
love & hugs,
xoxox
J-Mo :)
1 of 7 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 15, 2008 3:48 PM
AuJew! Just wanted to return the love you've been leaving on my ANTM recaps. I've gotta admit that I don't watch Kitchen Nightmares, but that doesn't mean that the recaps and especially screencaps aren't fun to scan! Glad I can keep you thoroughly entertained/distracted at work :)
2 of 7 | Posted by Hoolia | Posted on September 15, 2008 8:12 PM
your whole description of amanda the server IS the typical long island girl to a tee. now imagine being in a jam-packed bar with t-pain blaring while one of them tells you that "like, i wanna, like, do a lot with, like, my life, ya know?" yeah...not as much fun as you think it'd be.
btw, the 347/25a west split....comedy gold.
3 of 7 | Posted by baymenxpac | Posted on September 16, 2008 9:10 AM
your whole description of amanda the server talking about gordon IS the typical long island girl to a tee. now imagine standing in a jam-packed bar, bud light being spilled on your feet, while guys who didn't get the memo that no man over the age of 19 should wear any cologne sold in hollister bumping into you. t-pain making your ears bleed while a girl just like that explains that "like, i really, like, wanna do, like, a lot of things while i'm, like, young, ya know?" yeah...not as much fun as you'd think. sorry, i'm bitter.
hahaha and the 347/25a west split...comedy gold.
4 of 7 | Posted by baymenxpac | Posted on September 16, 2008 9:17 AM
AuJew:
Thank you for the picture of G Ram from behind. Mmmm, yummy. They didn't give us any shirt changing footage! Come ON Fox, get with the program. Shirt changing is mandatory, as well as complaining about imitation crab meat. Bonus points if he says "tinned" crab.
Lady Mullet was totally hammered when she showed up after Billy Bob ran off. So, does that mean she was drinking at her day job? What is her day job? Clothing designer for Merry Go Round? Bartender? DJ at the local disco? Is there an acceptable reason for her to get a day off from filming, other than her real job? Was she playing hooky and drinking all day in different shitty bar?
I wonder if they named it the Handlebar after the 'stache.
5 of 7 | Posted by shelleyh | Posted on September 16, 2008 7:59 PM
J-Mo: hahahaha i didn't think about the fleasa resemblance, but now that you mention it, heck yes. the only difference is lazy bitch seemed willing to admit that she sucked. fleasa would be blaming the distributors of the rice that she used for putting it in the wrong packaging or something like that. bwahhahaha and the only time you eat in a shady bar is when you're so drunk that your munchies override your good sense. and always, love to you too. mwah!
hoolia: thank you for the love :o) i love love. and if you're ever bored on a thursday at 9 pm, you should really give KN a shot. watching dumb people get yelled at by a tempermental brit is endlessly entertaining.
baymenxpac: don't i know it. i went to school in northeastern PA, which was basically pennsyljersey, and all the girls there were just like that. only blonder. wearing uggs and short denim skirts together in all season. *shudder*
shelleyh: agreed, we need more g-ram shirtless moments. never enough. i'm glad i'm not the only one that thinks that lady mullet was completely hammered. i mean she was actually slurring. nice of g-ram to be so sweet to her though. maybe her day job is in a distillary. and my theory is that he grew the 'stache after he bought the handlebar. he strikes me as cheesy that way.
6 of 7 | Posted by AuJew | Posted on September 17, 2008 6:06 AM
Did you know that if Bon Jovi was a baron, he'd be:
Baron John von Bon Jovi.
7 of 7 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on September 17, 2008 11:28 AM