They have an after dinner meeting in which G-Ram and Lazy Bitch both agree that she doesn't know what she's doing, and that they need to make a smaller, more dynamic menu so that she won't have to keep track of too many things at once. They decide to have the official relaunch the next day, and G-Ram has his crew redoing the restaurant overnight. Now, they show the before and afters, and to be honest, I don't think it really looks all that different. I'm pretty sure that this is partially due to the fact that Billy told G-Ram to go fuck himself. They do, however, put a couple of G-Ram's signature couches in the middle of the restaurant for no apparent reason, so you know it's going to be a hit. Everyone keeps saying "wow" over and over but the only thing that I can say "wow" about is Carolyn's outfit, which is half Pocahontas, half Joan Jett, all tacky. At the same time, I finally realize why I feel like Carolyn is so familiar: she is an older, MUCH tackier Stella from Project Runway!
From the fall collection of Zotis and 'Bones
G-Ram then tells them that they are now the proud owners of Long Island's first gastro pub. Cut to everyone looking confused because they don't know what the fuck a gastro pub is. G-Ram explains that it's a reasonably priced pub with delicious fare and a small menu that caters to each individual customer. They still look a little confused, but Billy says that it sounds about like what he was going for in the first place, so it's all good.
G-Ram also organizes a PR event for the restaurant featuring himself in leather (yummy) and Dee Snider from Twisted Sister (obsolete). It's the "first annual" motorcycle rally for the Handlebar. "First annual" always pisses me off because what it means is "fuck knows if it'll happen again next year."
Back at the restaurant, G-Ram shows everyone the new menu. "Look at it," he says, "there is NOTHING. COMPLICATED. ON THAT MENU." Lmao G-Ram, what you mean is, "EVEN. A LAZY BITCH. CAN HANDLE. THAT MENU." That being said, it looks delicious, and not that difficult to pull off. Even I can soak a couple of bratwurst in beer or throw a burger on the grill. Lazy Bitch, however, looks like she just felt a warm trickle run down the side of her leg. Then G-Ram totally steals Tim Gunn's thunder and tells them to "make it work." Come on, G-Ram, I told you, you get ONE.
Most appropriate t-shirt ever.
Time for the relaunch of Handlebar! It's super crowded with paid extras--er, customers--and they are ready to rock. Lazy Bitch is being a lazy bitch and not talking to anyone and not producing. G-Ram (in his sexy chef's jacket) tells her to stop being a lazy bitch, and she suddenly realizes the reason she has sous-chefs is so she can tell them what to do and continue to be a lazy bitch who looks like she's actually accomplishing something. Brilliant!
Dee Snider shows up with his family in tow, and his wife/girlfriend/whatever looks like a carefully preserved Barbie doll whose skin is about to fall off. It's sexy as shit. People are clapping, but in that "I don't really care" kind of way like you clap for the lame-ass DJ at your cousin's wedding. I have to say, I don't entirely see the point of a D-list celebrity guest when everyone at the restaurant is being paid to eat there, anyway.
Lazy Bitch says she understands "Chef Ramsay's concept to communicate," because it was getting difficult to determine if her vulcan mind-meld was working on her sous-chefs or not, and the night ends on a smooth note. G-Ram stays for a few days and Lazy Bitch says he brings a "new passion" into her job. And all this time I'd pegged her as batting for the other team.
Straight, gay--I'm just not at all particular.
The waitstaff is cleaning daily (phew) and Billy has become a better manager (we'll see). G-Ram gives them a closing pep talk, and suddenly Billy appreciates everything G-Ram has done. Everyone lives happily ever after. Yawn.
See you all next time, when another restaurant sucks, another home is under threat of being repo'd, and G-Ram still looks sexy as he saves the day.
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Comments (7)
Hahahaha, AuJew, you got me gigglin'! Great recap, expecially the Lazy Bitch T-Shirt... that last picture of her SO reminds me of the lovely ass-faced Lisa Fernandes from Top Chef 4! SO attractive!
One thing I've always felt was not-so-comfortable was trying to eat dinner in a restaurant that's connected directly to a sleazy bar... it's one thing at like Outback or Red Lobster, but some divey biker-bar likely to break out in fistfights is not going to make for a pleasant dining experience... but then again, neither is any food handled, prepared, or even LOOKED at by Lazy Bitch... LOL!
love & hugs,
xoxox
J-Mo :)
1 of 7 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 15, 2008 3:48 PM
AuJew! Just wanted to return the love you've been leaving on my ANTM recaps. I've gotta admit that I don't watch Kitchen Nightmares, but that doesn't mean that the recaps and especially screencaps aren't fun to scan! Glad I can keep you thoroughly entertained/distracted at work :)
2 of 7 | Posted by Hoolia | Posted on September 15, 2008 8:12 PM
your whole description of amanda the server IS the typical long island girl to a tee. now imagine being in a jam-packed bar with t-pain blaring while one of them tells you that "like, i wanna, like, do a lot with, like, my life, ya know?" yeah...not as much fun as you think it'd be.
btw, the 347/25a west split....comedy gold.
3 of 7 | Posted by baymenxpac | Posted on September 16, 2008 9:10 AM
your whole description of amanda the server talking about gordon IS the typical long island girl to a tee. now imagine standing in a jam-packed bar, bud light being spilled on your feet, while guys who didn't get the memo that no man over the age of 19 should wear any cologne sold in hollister bumping into you. t-pain making your ears bleed while a girl just like that explains that "like, i really, like, wanna do, like, a lot of things while i'm, like, young, ya know?" yeah...not as much fun as you'd think. sorry, i'm bitter.
hahaha and the 347/25a west split...comedy gold.
4 of 7 | Posted by baymenxpac | Posted on September 16, 2008 9:17 AM
AuJew:
Thank you for the picture of G Ram from behind. Mmmm, yummy. They didn't give us any shirt changing footage! Come ON Fox, get with the program. Shirt changing is mandatory, as well as complaining about imitation crab meat. Bonus points if he says "tinned" crab.
Lady Mullet was totally hammered when she showed up after Billy Bob ran off. So, does that mean she was drinking at her day job? What is her day job? Clothing designer for Merry Go Round? Bartender? DJ at the local disco? Is there an acceptable reason for her to get a day off from filming, other than her real job? Was she playing hooky and drinking all day in different shitty bar?
I wonder if they named it the Handlebar after the 'stache.
5 of 7 | Posted by shelleyh | Posted on September 16, 2008 7:59 PM
J-Mo: hahahaha i didn't think about the fleasa resemblance, but now that you mention it, heck yes. the only difference is lazy bitch seemed willing to admit that she sucked. fleasa would be blaming the distributors of the rice that she used for putting it in the wrong packaging or something like that. bwahhahaha and the only time you eat in a shady bar is when you're so drunk that your munchies override your good sense. and always, love to you too. mwah!
hoolia: thank you for the love :o) i love love. and if you're ever bored on a thursday at 9 pm, you should really give KN a shot. watching dumb people get yelled at by a tempermental brit is endlessly entertaining.
baymenxpac: don't i know it. i went to school in northeastern PA, which was basically pennsyljersey, and all the girls there were just like that. only blonder. wearing uggs and short denim skirts together in all season. *shudder*
shelleyh: agreed, we need more g-ram shirtless moments. never enough. i'm glad i'm not the only one that thinks that lady mullet was completely hammered. i mean she was actually slurring. nice of g-ram to be so sweet to her though. maybe her day job is in a distillary. and my theory is that he grew the 'stache after he bought the handlebar. he strikes me as cheesy that way.
6 of 7 | Posted by AuJew | Posted on September 17, 2008 6:06 AM
Did you know that if Bon Jovi was a baron, he'd be:
Baron John von Bon Jovi.
7 of 7 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on September 17, 2008 11:28 AM