This week, G-Ram is visiting Giuseppi's, an Italian eatery in a town north of Detroit owned by husband and wife team Joe and Kathy Borgia (sp?), with their son Sam as head chef. They bought the place hoping to pass it down to Sam, but apparently Sam is kind of a fuck-up and neither of them trust him to run the place anywhere but into the ground.

Sam had promised to "step up" and allow his aging parents to retire, but is currently working just 20 hours a week in the restaurant, forcing his diabetic father to work overtime and his mother to worry herself sick. Real sweet kid you got there.

Whatever man. The quicker they die, the quicker I cash out.

Kathy says it is a nightmare for two reasons: "the lack of customers, and the hell that goes in the kitchen." Cut to Joe and Sam fighting over a plate of frozen salmon fillets. Calm down kids, there's plenty for everyone. Sam says he isn't allowed any input, and just supposed to be the chef. Kathy thinks Joe is pushing himself too hard out of mistrust for Sam's ability to run the restaurant successfully. This father-mother-son triangle just smacks of Greek tragedy.

On comes the "sad times" music and Joe talks about his health problems, specifically that he is a diabetic. Sam says his dad's health is pretty bad, and he just wants his family to be "healthy and happy. Nothing else matters. If anyone can help out family, it's Chef Ramsay." The sad times music hasn't stopped and I'll brb because I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

Kathy shows up to pick up G-Ram (his lack of gas-guzzling SUV this episode is kind of a turn on). Kathy says she was "excited and nervous" but that once G-Ram arrived, "everything was going to be fine." Yes, as in this man is FINE. He kisses her hello and thanks her for picking him up--aw. The picture of a gentleman.

G-Ram asks about the specifics of the situation, and Kathy tells him not only is her house in foreclosure, but she owes about $150,000 outside of that. They pull up Giuseppi's and Gordon asks, "this is it?" Kathy confirms "This is it, this is my little place. I hope you brought your magic wand." Oh, us too Kathy. Us too.

Kathy tells us that she thinks G-Ram may be "overwhelmed" by the problems they are having, because "it's not just as simple as a menu change, or firing somebody." No, it's definitely going to require something more drastic than that. Maybe G-Ram can set up a kissing booth for all of your patrons and charge $5 a pop.

Kathy seats him and G-Ram reads a fancy introductory paragraph to the menu about enjoying the "essence of Italy." It's a menu guys, not a novel. Get rid of the blurb. After looking around, G-Ram notices that the decor is straight out of the 1970's, even though the restaurant has only been open for 2 years. Come on, G-Ram, don't you know maroon velvet draperies and mustard-yellow PVC-covered booth seats are retro-chic? There's also a ghetto-fabulous TV set sitting in the middle of the dining room for no apparent reason. Probably because the microwave-friendly food is so reminiscent of TV dinners.

G-Ram's server is Dawn and she's a total sweetheart. She also has awesome 80's hair--a high ponytail on top of her head with mall bangs--even though she's about 60 years old. She has a really cute midwestern accent and I kind of wish she was my aunt or something. Even though she keeps bringing G-Ram the grossest food ever, they seem to get along really well. He keeps calling her "darling" and "love," and she even touches his shoulder a few times. I bet Amanda from last week is like, totally, like, super, like, jealous.

Like, so totally, like, really, like unfair. Like.

G-Ram is not impressed with the fact that they are serving potato skins. "Essence of Italy my ass." LOL, G-Ram. The octopus salad tastes like rubber, and he makes Dawn try some of it. She agrees that it sucks ass. "Oh my gosh, we serve this shit?" bwahahahaha Dawn I love you.

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Posted in Kitchen Nightmares by AuJew at 11:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Last Comment: AuJew on Sep 25, 2008 08:03 AM.