G-Ram hates pretty much everything, as usual. Joe threatens that if Brian, his part-time chef, and Sam don't step up to the plate, he'll cook every meal himself. Which is probably a great idea, given that he's sick and gets dizzy when he works for prolonged periods of time. You'll get an excellent meal, you'll just have to scrape it up off the floor with bits of Joe embedded in it.
G-Ram gathers Joe, Sam and sous-chef Brian to tell them that their passion is there but their palate is crap. G-Ram says the eggplant tasted like it had been "blasted in the microwave," and Brian jumps in helpfully with "it was." He also tells G-Ram that the crunch was not the vegetables, but rather that he clipped his toenails into the octopus salad.
G-Ram spends the next 10 minutes telling them off for their plastic potato skins and sacrilege against all Italian food. Joe says they've never had a complaint about the food, and even have given out questionnaires to validate that. G-Ram says that customers won't tell you they aren't coming back, they just don't come back. Touche.
Time for first dinner service! First G-Ram meets a server named Carol, who I immediately see as the next thing for Mattel:
80's Crackwhore Barbie
G-Ram says she "looks like a cockatoo," hahahahahahaHAAHAHA oh G-Ram, will you marry me?
As opposed to most of the places on this show, the food comes out way too fast. They nuke everything in the microwave, and that's probably why it all tastes like crap and people get their entrees at the same time as their salads and soups. Sam says he calls it "fast food Italian." Dawn brings a dish up to the kitchen and says "more crap, they don't want it." Dawn should go on the road with G-Ram.
Sam and Joe fight continuously throughout the dinner service. Sam wants Joe's respect, and Joe doesn't trust Sam, because Sam has always been a fuck up.
Is it just me, or was this the kid who sold weed out of his '89 Oldsmobile during PE class?
Joe kicks Sam out of the kitchen, and finishes the dinner service himself. The too-bad-so-sad music comes back on, and Sam whines about how he doesn't know how to make his father proud of him, even after 28 years. Also it's $15/gram, $50/eighth, if anybody's interested. Meet him in the jr high parking lot around 12:30 tomorrow.
G-Ram sits the family down and Sam tells Joe that he wants to cook fresh food, not microwave crap that is the equivalent of Stouffer's lasagna served on a glass plate--you can put shine on a turd, but it's still shit. G-Ram asks Joe if Sam is a good chef, and Joe replies "he likes to cook." Sam and Kathy both look like they are about to cry at that statement. Joe says Sam is not committed enough, and only works 20-25 hours a week. Sam says he doesn't come around as much because he feels like his dad hates him. Joe tells Sam to grow a pair, and Sam cowers in his mother's bosom. The rest of the conversation is blurred out and bleeped. It's going really well.
The next day, G-Ram has a chat with Joe about his diabetes. Joe says it is the worst disease you can have, and he has pain every day. I can't really make fun of this because it's true and I'll bet just about everyone knows someone, family or friend, who has suffered from it or even died from it. There is nothing funny about diabetes, except maybe those commercials for Liberty Medical, and I even feel a little bad laughing at those.
Joe also says he can't afford health insurance, which scares the crap out of me. I live in Massachusetts, so it's required or else you get taxed pretty much the same amount as you would have paid to have the health insurance in the first place, but it's disgusting how many people in this country go without. Universal healthcare is a tricky thing, but in my opinion, a necessary one. Whoops, got up on a soapbox for a minute there... *steps down*...anyway...
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Comments (5)
OK, the Wilfrid Brimley cat cracked me up!!! Classic!
Great recap! Gordon is becoming quite the therapist this season. Still I was hoping he'd smack that chef Brian for blaming the sucky dinner service on him!
I've also been watching Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares on the Food Network(?)..he always changes his shirt on that one and NO bleeps! :) But maybe you knew that....
Looking forward to 2 hours of G-Ram this week!
1 of 5 | Posted by jojobear | Posted on September 23, 2008 10:00 AM
Great recap -- yes to the missing beefcake/cabana boy poolside scene.
Clearly an egregious oversight.
2 of 5 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on September 23, 2008 5:18 PM
Oooh, yes! That poolside scene would have been great.
3 of 5 | Posted by Jude C | Posted on September 23, 2008 7:07 PM
AuJew, you are soooo right, this was a weird episode with all the touchy-feely heartsy-wartsy in it... I'm not used to seeing G-Ram in this way. I like him better a-cussin' an'a-fightin'!
Great recap, you're doing an awesomely fun job as always...
love, J-Mo :)
P.S. Oprah still sucks :)
4 of 5 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 24, 2008 5:37 PM
jojobear: i did not...there is another kitchen nightmares on food network where he changes his shirt a lot?? maybe they could just put that on a loop or something and make a p-in-p for the regular version.
Donna Martin Graduates and Jude C: maybe we should start a petition...no more weepy episodes unless they are interspersed with g-ram poolside scenes. and not so much a speedo, but maybe those little swim trunks that are a bit tight.
j-mo: awww sweetie thank you. what IS with the sobfests on tv these days? everything is about tugging at the heartstrings. is this about the economy? i blame W. xoxox see my further comments on your latest recap :o)
5 of 5 | Posted by AuJew | Posted on September 25, 2008 8:03 AM