***And please, a round of applause for one of your two Auditiongasm faves, HappyHousewife with the final two epis of Kardashians!!
This week on Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami: Apocalypse Now. The world is ending. A Kardashian is procreating.
Good Evening, Ladies and Gentlemen! I'm back thanks to your votes, here to diminish your I.Q. just a smidge with this week's Kartrashian goodness!
Our opening montage is brought to us by our own little Ho White (the short one). Speaking over images of herself and her sister Skankderella (the tranny one), she informs us that life as a single girl has been an adjustment.
For those just joining us, earlier this season Ho White ended things with her longtime on/off boyfriend Scott Disick, Prince Smarm-ing to her enchanting Ho White. Since the break, she's been partying like crazy, making out with random guys, hooking up with chicks...in other words, living up to the Kardashian legacy.
After HW reads the teleprompter ensures us that she is happy with herself and who she is and where she is in life, we find her with Skankderella and a couple of her little mice friends "working" at their boutique, Dash Miami. My husband will be pleased to know that the following scene made my womb shrivel up and die, curing me of any baby fever I may have had left...Skankderella asks one of her worker mice, Erica, if after she had her baby she had the doctor stitch her vagina tighter. I can only assume Khloe is asking this as a reference for her upcoming operation, if you know what I mean. Erica proudly responds that she had the doctor give her 3 extra stitches.
Giving us even more proof that the tranny rumors are true, Mrs. Droopy Vagina starts talking about Kegel exercises, to which Skanky responds that she's never heard of them? Huh? Bitch, you're trying to tell me you've never read an issue of Cosmo? The only people who don't know what Kegels are, well, men. And most men even know, I'm sure....what hubby hasn't considered asking the Mrs. to tone it up a bit? (And hopefully, if he values his balls, it stayed at just consideration, and those words never actually came out of his mouth.) Anyhoo....
To try and cover her lack of vagina knowledge, Skanky mentions that she's riding the crimson wave. Ew, ew, fucking ew! It's bad enough that we've had to see Kim naked (at least she's hot), hear about every morsel of Kourtney's pregnancy, but I just cannot hear about the ugly one being on the rag. Cannot.
Luckily for HW, Skanky's overshare reminds her that her Aunt Flo is a week late. Baby talk and a late period....oh lord, please don't let it be true.....
Thank Heavens for the opening credits to give us a chance to burn those images out of our minds. I never thought I'd actually be thankful for a chance to hear the godawful song they chose to associate this show with, but whatever. We return to Dash Miami, where our two *stars* are flipping through clothes on racks and trying to look useful. Skankderella recieves a call from her mom-ager, aka Mother Teresa. Always one to work it for that manager's cut, she's booked an appearance for Skanky at a club in Tampa.
Mother Teresa is filling Skanky in on all the deets, including where she is staying, which is called the Tahitian Inn. Skanky is not pleased, convinced that it sounds ghetto and she will not spend the night there. HW and Skanky put their little brains together and come up with a brilliant plan...they will forgo the airfare to Tampa and drive instead, freeing up more funds for better accommodations. Skanky ends the call by telling her mom she loves her and motorboating (literally) her sister. This family just keeps getting stranger, seriously.
To escape from their hard, stressful, complicated lives filled with back-breaking manual labor and debates over the validity of free will, Skanky and HW decide to get massages.
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Comments (1)
Ho White's riding shotgun and shoving her face with some food (that ass doesn't just magically appear, people!), which obviously makes Skankderella jealous, as she was unable to find a travel version of her favorite trough. Now, remember, no one knows that HW is preggo yet, so it obviously isn't scripted foreshadowing, it is pure coincidence when Skanky says, "for someone who was just throwing up this morning, you're sure eating a lot!" Retarded Joe borrows a chromosome and makes a snide remark about how if HW asks him for a pickle, there's going to be a problem. Hilarious, dear. Go back to licking the window now.
OMG I died when I read this paragraph! HILARIOUS! Glad you won the audition!
1 of 1 | Posted by Daf_9 | Posted on October 9, 2009 10:30 AM