TVgasm Recaps

Have you ever wondered what the real OC is like? I mean the real deal, man? Well, look no further than MTV's latest reality offering, Laguna Beach which provides a soapy look into the lives of several pretty, wealthy, and popular teenagers living in the titular town. Life doesn't seem to be very hard for these kids. The biggest hardship seemed to come from a skinny girl named Jen who at the start of last night's episode complained that someone had broken her flat iron. Apparently the cleaning lady had just been fired and Jen is like - you know - not used to cleaning up after herself. So she had left it out, and somehow it broke. Like OMG! Where is Lupe when you need her???

There's really nothing more enjoyable than watching a bunch of Orange County rich kids try to brave it in the wilderness. Actually, there are a lot of things more enjoyable, but I thought I'd start off on a positive note. Yes, the kids of Laguna Beach decided to embrace Mother Nature tonight, and while I can't say the results were anything too spectacular, at least there were no Michelle Branch sing-alongs this time around.

You know, amidst all the serious drama on The Real World and the tense squabbling on Big Brother, it's nice to sometimes sit back and take a trip to Laguna Beach. Yes, it's that most enjoyable of seaside towns: a rarified community where gossipy teenage girls flitter around with not a care in the world. Well, I shouldn't say that. They do have cares -- like OMG is Taylor actually wearing that? And like what's the deal with Jason like not hanging out with Jessica? Is he like gay for Cedric? Kristin! Don't wear that eyeshadow! Fine. You're a bitch. Stephen has to like get over himself.

You get the picture. So let's hop onto the 405 South, get off at Laguna Canyon Road, and ride on down to the prettiest town of all: Laguna Beach!

Okay, so like, Laguna Beach was like totally crazy tonight. First of all, half of it took place in like Rosarito Beach and hellloooo! That's in Mexico. It's not even in California! It's in Baja California! This is sooo not the real Orange County.

Whoa. Half an hour with these teenyboppers and already I'm talking like them. But anyway, it was road trip time on The 'Guna, and in a meek follow-up to last year's sojourn to Mexico, four of our super-friends crossed the border and did all sorts of crazy things like... eat dinner and... go to a jazz club. Okay, so maybe our golden days of Stephen getting drunk in Mexico and yelling "SLUT!!!" have passed, but couldn't these kids do anything more exciting? Eh, probably not. Their only alternative was staying home and attending Kristin's clique-o-rific birthday party. Too bad I couldn't go. My invite must have gotten lost in the mail...

The camera captures Kristin, in the pink dress, mid-donkey noise.

We can never get enough of the Laguna Beach kids. Thankfully, devoted reader Vera sent us these pics of Kristin, Talan, and the whole rest of the gang at this year's prom. Enjoy!

The kids of Laguna Beach enjoy breakfast.

I don't roll out of bed early on a Saturday for many things (and by early, I mean 11:45 AM). But when a friend calls up and says the Laguna Beach kids are eating at the next table over from her, I am awake faster than you can say "Done-zo." With a camera in hand and a scruffy hat masking my bed-head, I promptly left my apartment and walked over to the nearby Saddle Ranch Steakhouse where none other than Kristin, Talan, Alex H. (or Roz, as I call her), and some other kid from the show were chowing down on oversized plates of breakfast goodness. The group looked tired and disheveled. Clearly morning after. Sadly, resident porn star Casey was nowhere to be found.

It was a little tricky getting these photos. TVgasm accomplice S. Lo actually had to man the camera because the only available seat at her table left me facing away from the Laguna Beachers. Hence, I wasn't able to really observe the kiddos (which is why I can't name their fourth friend -- didn't get a good look). Luckily, S. Lo was intrepid with the camera, and we managed to steal a few discreet shots. Enjoy.

You know what's really funny about Laguna Beach? Nothing ever happens. I mean, sure, there's a lot of talking and flirting and squabbling, but basically, we're still pretty much where we were three episodes ago. Not that that's a bad thing. We've gotten so used to the pre-fab reality stars of The Real World that we simply expect confrontation and resolution nearly every fifteen minutes. But this isn't the real world. It's the real Orange County. Big difference.

I feel like a misogynist jerk for saying this, but I'm really enjoying the asshole mind games Jason keeps pulling on Laguna Beach. In any other situation, I'd be cutting him down for being immature or unkind to his girlfriend, but then again, in any other situation, we wouldn't have Jessica, a girl so annoying she makes Melissa Rivers seem pleasant. This whiner needs to be gagged NOW. When you're the most grating person on Laguna Beach, well, that's not a good thing. Sadly, having met many women in the mold of young Jessica, I'm sorry to announce that she will unfortunately always be the broken-record drama-queen we see now. I therefore believe that instead of college, she should be shipped off to Greenland where she can live out the rest of her life annoying a flock of sheep or whatever local livestock they have over there. It's only fair that the rest of us get to enjoy some peace and quiet for once.

[by Erica, you can read her blog at http://ihearttv.blogspot.com]

Who says a vapid television show portraying your even more vapid existence won't be good for your career? According to an article in Women's Wear Daily, it looks like college dropout LC, of Laguna Beach, might make it to the working world after all. MTV camera crews have descended on the West Coast offices of Teen Vogue, where LC has just begun interning. Sources inside Conde Nast, the company that owns Teen Vogue, say this may be a test for a possible Laguna Beach spin-off (perhaps it could be called "Laguna Beach: The Coffee Bitch Years" or "Laguna Beach: Can You Make Me 200 Color Copies of This Layout?" or "Laguna Beach: Proofread This Now, Bitch!"), while others say the footage might just be incorporated into the regular show.

The article goes on to say that a receptionist who refused to appear on film was replaced. That can't possibly be legal, can it? Though, I have to say I'm surprised LC has even gotten a job at all, unpaid and handed-to-her-on-a-platter as it may be. I mean, this is a girl who couldn't even handle more than a semester of art school. Then again, I'm sure the bitchiness of Laguna has more than prepared her for the bitchiness of fashion magazines.

We've had to deal with a lot of high-profile celebrity breakups, but few have been as rough as the heart-wrenching demise of Laguna Beach's very own Jason and Jessica, also known as Jassica (or Jesson, whichever you prefer). I know what you're thinking. Are they really over and done? Is there such a thing as love at first TRL appearance anymore? If they can't make it work, what hope do the rest of us have?

Just take a deep breath, people. We'll get through this together. If we could survive Kristin and Stephen (and lord knows that was a doozy), we'll somehow, someway get through this dark chapter in Laguna town history. For the moment though, I'm going to light a tea candle vigil for our departed lovebirds in the hopes that maybe this fairy tale romance might somehow rekindle itself.

Click to see larger versions.

He's only been an MTV semi-star for about three seconds, but already über-sidekick Cedric of Laguna Beach has shed his clothes for notoriety. And because we're just a simple blog, we're more than happy to heap on the attention (and derision) he so fiendishly craves. So enjoy these pics of Cedric as he takes a break from his homoerotic relationship with Jason in favor of a homoerotic relationship with some bikini briefs.

Thanks to "Fife" of Jewkakke for the pics. And also Allyx, who first brought this to our attention.

With all the Laguna Beach pics floating around the internet, I never know what's old or new; so I've simply decided to post what's at least funny. I found this little collage of undated yearbook photos from Laguna High (and of course slapped the TVgasm logo on it). I'll assume these are freshman portraits of the one and only Stephen, LC, and Lo. I personally really like Stephen's little radish-chic hairstyle. Clearly the predecessor to his now trademark puffy-fro. As for Lo, well, let's give three cheers for peroxide!

Original pic at this site. But warning: it's an annoying page with Journey playing.

Ever wonder what Jason looks like without the beard? And I'm not talking about Cedric (ZING!). Well, as part of our ongoing coverage of Laguna Beach photos, we felt it necessary to display these pics of Jason which show him sprouting from awkward beanpole to hirsute charmer (with highlights too!).

For more (including the less impressive transformation of Alex M.), check out Jewkakke.

And after the jump, you can check out my own personal, swan-like transformation from gangly youth to handsome man.

Good news, Laguna Beach fans! Our boy Jason didn't have to wait longer than a blink of an eye to replace the void left when he dumped Jessica. In the time it took for him to apply his hair gel, he'd already found new love in the significantly cooler Alex M., thus ushering in the age of Jasalex: a once-forbidden union whose name sounds eerily like a hot, new brand of laxative. It might be apropos given that Jessica seemed in dire need of a mild cathartic to unclog all the whiney drama wedged up her ass. But alas, if a relaxing weekend up at the ski slopes wasn't enough to calm her frayed nerves, I fear that not even the most powerful F-5 colonic could purge her system of whatever's been driving her bonkers. Maybe we should just give her a chew toy and put her in the corner.

Isn't it nice to know that in these uncertain times of global terrorism and meteorological disasters, some people still find a way to make a difference? To bridge the gaps that divide us all? To offer a helping hand when everyone else just has a cold shoulder? No, I'm not talking about the Red Cross, silly. I'm talking about the United Summit of Alex & Alex: the most important inter-clique peace movement since the Treaty of Versailles. Yes, it was all about letting bygones by bygones on this week's episode of Laguna Beach as the cliques came together for Laguna Aid: A Bonfire for Hope. Unfortunately, every well-intentioned peace treaty has its Gaza Strip, and in the case of the Laguna Ceasefire of 2005, our old friend Jessica managed to unravel this newly woven tapestry of love, destroying days of hard work by those plucky idealists, Alex H. and Alex M.. Man. Can't we all just get along?

Like OMG! Did you even SEE Laguna Beach last night? Alex was like "Slut!" and Jessica was like "Fine!" and Kristin was like "Oh my god" and Talan was like "Whoa" and Roz was like "Wait, what?" and Emily was like "Stop!" and Taylor was like "Alex!" and Jason was like "Huh?" OMG. So great.

Actually, what's really sad is that that description pretty much sums up the entire episode. You know, we don't look for much depth when it comes to Laguna Beach. In fact, we don't look for much of anything beyond honey-dipped cinematography and mumbling conversations. So imagine my delight (and I imagine three million teenage girls' too) when LB crossed over into Real World territory and provided us with an honest-to-god catfight. In Mexico! Viva La Guna!

Like OMG! Did you even see that fight between Casey and Alex? And what about Kristin visiting Stephen? Talan's gonna be totally jealous! Yes, it was another scandalous episode of Laguna Beach last night as Casey spread a mysterious hygiene-related rumor about Alex all around school. Dumb move, bitch. Looks like you'll be eating your quesadillas alone...

As for Kristin, she visited her man Stephen up in San Fran, and when not being terrorized by errant seagulls, she spent her trip staring off into the distance, muttering "Yeah" and "I know" to her ex's incessant babbling. It was so romantic.

Cha cha cha! It's fiesta time in Laguna Beach! This week's episode was all about gettin' drunk on what I imagined was Cinco De Mayo (why else would white kids throw a fiesta?), and while there was all sorts of good drama (like OMG! Kristin totally hooked up with Jessica's crush!), the real story was watching Roz get drunk and dance around her house like a latter day Tom Cruise in Risky Business, except fully-clothed. We also learned other intriguing things about this sidekick's personality: her shyness with boys, her love of piñatas, and of course, her deep, undying fear of WAVES. So grab some nachos and a big sombrero. In the immortal words of Lionel Richie in his seminal anthem, All Night Long, "we're going to party, karamu, fiesta, forever!" Everyone Loves a Spicy Latina Party!

OMG. Like OM-F-ing-G. I like can't believe prom is over! Like, over! Guys, this is so sad. Only two weeks left in Laguna Beach senior year. Promise that we'll always be friends? Forevah and evah?

Yes, it was prom night on Laguna Beach, a momentous occasion that the online community has surely been anticipating ever since photos of the big pre-party leaked to the internet. And I'll say this: I was not disappointed. This episode came with all the silliness, drama, and pettiness that we've come to expect not only from Laguna Beach, but prom season in general. Plus, Cami the Vaguely Ethnic Girl popped up, so you know it had to be a fun night on MTV. Just about the only thing missing were some of those crazy Laguna parents. Oh wait, we had them too. Best episode EVER!

OMG! Like somebody call Alex and Jessica! Jason totally hooked up with LC tonight. That's like sooo wrong. I mean, what do they even have to say to each other? I heard from Cami that Cedric was totally pissed and was like "What the hell?" and then like told Jen who was all like "I gotta tell Dieter," but then Casey was like "Have a quesadilla!" and Emily was like "No, don't ruin my Cabo trip!" and Taylor was like "I hate muscles" and Talan was like "What?" and Jeff was like "Just because I kiss boys doesn't mean I'm gay!" and Morgan was like "Your dress is so cute!" and Alex M. was like "Thanks!" and Kristin was like "Yay BMW!"

Okay, so maybe that gossip chain didn't happen -- yet -- but it will, especially once the latest scandal permeates through the tightly-knit Laguna Beach community. Yes, Jason and LC hooked up, but more importantly, Kristin got a new car! Talk about a watercooler episode!

Cue up that old Vitamin C song, it's graduation time in Laguna Beach. Somehow, the rocket scientists we colloquially know as Jason, Casey, Kristin, and Jessica have managed to persevere through four years of academia and are now ready to tackle the wide world of college... or at least post LB stardom. Probably the latter. Still, I was certainly thrilled for this episode, if only because we got to see nearly every Laguna parent up close and personal. The only one missing was my favorite desperate housewife, Charlene Torriero. I guess that's because her son Talan decided to spend his senior year recording the male response to Hollaback Girl (I believe the song is tentatively titled "DUMB"). Either way, high school's over for the gang. Like I'm totally going to cry! You guys! Group hug!

From left to right: Jeff, Taylor, Talan, Jessica, Cedric, Morgan, Dieter, Alex M., Casey, Stephen, LC, Kristin, Jason, Alex H.

This photo of the Laguna Beach cast at the VMAs has been floating around for some time, but it made me wonder. Based on this picture, what awards would these kids win?

Winner, Most Hollywood: Cedric

Winner, Most Gay Hollywood: Jason

Winner, Most Wannabe Hollywood: Stephen

Winner, And You Are? Jeff

Winner, Best Pregnancy: Alex H.

Winner, Best Alex M. Impersonation: Jessica

Winner, Best Pornstar Impersonation: Alex M.

Winner, Best Tagalong: Dieter

Winner, Best Peak of Her Life: Casey

Winner, Best Future Housewife: Taylor

Winner, Why Are You Front And Center? Morgan

Winner, Why Are You Back There? LC

Winner, Most Wishing He Was In the Front Row: Talan

Winner, Most Likely To Drop All These Fools: Kristin

Like OMG! I can't believe Jason totally kissed Jessica in front of LC, but then he was like "No, she came onto me," and then Jessica was like "No, it never happened," and then Dieter was like "Why are you lying?" and Talan was like "I'm so nervous!" and Trey was like "Oh no! A landslide!" and Cedric was like "I'm dancing in pink undies!" and Polster was like "Hi, I'm Polster!"

Yes, it was a drama-filled episode of Laguna Beach last night as the kiddos cobbled together a fundraiser for local landslide victims. Who would have thought assembling every major player in the Laguna landscape would have resulted in absolute chaos? Well, clearly the producers, who I'm sure had plenty of influence on this whole event in the first place. And God bless 'em. This was one of the best episodes of the season, or dare I say... EVER! I mean, yeah, there have been some classic Laguna dramas, but none have featured the delightful bonus of Talan and his merry band of music makers. Move over Bai Ling. You've got competition.

Looks like Laguna Beach might be ruining Laguna Beach. The Los Angeles Times has published a pseudo-exposé about how the popular reality show has changed the once-quaint coastal community. But even more importantly, we learn that über-sidekick Dieter is on firsties with Paris Hilton:

Some original cast members — including Kristin Cavallari, Stephen Colletti, Lauren Conrad and Dieter Schmitz — whose every searching look has been lovingly photographed in close-up and heightened with background music — have moved to Los Angeles, where they are bona fide celebrities, some working on acting careers. "We've been hanging at clubs with Paris [Hilton]," Schmitz said.

Wow. I feel bad for Paris. Click here to read the article.

On Monday night, MTV aired the second-to-last episode of Laguna Beach, which meant it was one of the final chances to see our favorite high schoolers muse on such hallowed subjects as fidelity, loyalty, and of course, bruschetta. Sigh. Coming off last week's drama-filled installment of the 'Guna, this latest show was a bit, uh, lackluster, but that's not to say it was any less amusing. After all, everyone was atwitter in the wake of JasonGate 2005. This was like bigger than the landslide! I'm only sorry that my jury duty kept me away for so long!

Like OMG! I can't believe Laguna Beach is over! Totally the saddest episode of the year! When Kristin and Jessica were hugging, I was like totally grabbing the tissues and calling all my besties to say I loved them. You guys, promise that when we come back after freshmen year that we'll all still be friends and keep in touch and hang out. I never want to lose you! Maybe we can buy a pair of jeans and then mail them to each other all semester long! OMG! That would be so sweet! I'm gonna cry all over again!

Okay, so maybe I wasn't exactly tearing up at this season finale of Laguna Beach (I am, after all, an old, crusty twentysomething with a heart made of stone), but at least this commercial-free installment did adequately capture that awkward, sad, and exciting transitional time when teens leave the nest and head to college (or at least an aimless life in Los Angeles). It wasn't the most , uh, compelling episode this season, but then again, what else could we really expect? We knew it would just be twenty-two minutes of crying and pondering; so we might as well take it with a grain of salt, kick back, and enjoy some homemade quesadillas, just for old times sake. This season is dunzo.

Those kids sure grow up quickly, don't they? Talan Torriero of Laguna Beach and Kimberly Stewart of Rod Stewart's semen are engaged to be married, according to Entertainment Tonight. This news comes just days after the two were involved in a much ballyhooed automotive accident in Hollywood. Apparently the stress and trauma of surviving a fender-bender has sent these lovers into each other's arms for an eternal embrace of marital bliss.

In a statement to TVgasm, Ms. Stewart said, "When we hit that car, my life flashed before my eyes. And as we drove away from the scene of the crime, I suddenly realized that I really like purple. Oh look! Tin foil!"

No word from Mr. Torriero, but insiders say his impulsive romance has been developing on schedule and should dovetail quite nicely with the inevitable breakup and drug habit.

Thanks to reader Gina for pointing out the story.

With millions of Laguna Beach fans going through their first Monday night of withdrawal, we figured TVgasm could help ease the pain by looking to the future. Yes, it's our official analysis of the Laguna Beach 3 trailer. Early impressions: all the kids seem to look either really young or really old. The girls seem trashier than usual, the guys seem more six-packed than usual, and at least one girl appears to be Naomi Judd's long lost daughter. So I guess that's got to be worth something, right?

Enough curious links and salacious items wound up in my inbox over the weekend that I thought I'd simply share them here in this all-in-one TVgasm gossip post.

• Reality Blurred had the wonderful privilege of seeing Real World: Austin couple Danny and Melinda talk at a local college (a joy I shared just three months ago). Danny unsurprisingly denies that MTV bought his wedding ring, and he also reveals that he just finished shooting a Real World/Road Rules Challenge down in Australia. Of course, when I met Danny at his Cal State Northridge "lecture," he was so furious with his portrayal on the show that he promised to never ever EVER go on a Challenge. Funny how money and idiocy can change things. Most amusingly though, Danny then complains that he had to reimburse MTV $336.97 three times for repeatedly breaking a lamp in the phone area. Hey dude, here's a tip. STOP BREAKING THE DAMN LAMP.


• In other Real World: Austin gossip news, there's this crazy rumor started by a blog called My Little Agenda that our favorite bowl-cut poseur Wes was mauled by a kangaroo in Australia. Insiders tell me that despite the highly detailed reporting, this is all a sham (don't I sound very cool saying "insiders"?). But then again, I do know that Wes was a mysterious no-show for an interview at a certain TV show (that I work on) a few weeks ago. Maybe he was stuck in traffic. Or maybe he was ailing from a KANGAROO ATTACK!!!! I guess we'll find out in time. No word, by the way, on whether or not the kangaroo has been dropped from Wes's groupie drawer (probably not).


• In case you haven't already seen it, this person like totally heard some awesome gossip about Laguna Beach! Read it with a grain of salt, but enjoy anyway.


• Our friend Perez Hilton went to Mekhi Pheiffer's holiday party Saturday night where he met Urkel of all people. Of course, if you fly with the TVgasm crowd, you know that exactly one year prior to the day, Urkel was hangin' out at B-Side's birthday party on the Sunset Strip. He was really cool. As am I for bragging about it, natch.

It has been nearly a month since season 2 of Laguna Beach departed primetime cable on it's way to becoming quite the darling DVD boxed set. Speaking of which, you would think that anybody in with half of a brain in that marketing department would give B-side an advanced copy so he can properly deem it worthy to the masses, and maybe along the way allowing us another reader DVD giveaway. (Still time for you to get ER or Gilmore Girls!). To be honest, I never understood the hype of the show, and fearing that I don't have the intellectual chops to hang with all of those deep discussions, mainly stayed out of the fray. The success of Laguna Beach has spawned many other projects, from The Hills which promises to show us how LC goes from the beach to Los Angeles, and just recently two devoted readers, SB and MC, mentioned that E!'s Kristen Veitch says that Laguna Beach Kristin is going to pull a Marissa Cooper and go gay for pay(and publicity) on a future episode of Veronica Mars. Yay Viacom incest!

Still, if you can't wait for any of that, A&E is going to be bringing a new series from the creators of Laguna Beach starting next week. The series is called Rollergirls and promises to help us "step inside the fast-paced, dangerous world of roller derby". Nobody is saying that this show will be any good, but after being fed approximately 1 million commercials for the show over the course of a few 24 marathons, I feel I have to say something about it or my soul will never be at peace. I sure as hell don't want Venis Envy or Punky Bruiser coming after me. Roller derby is decidedly "sports entertainment", that shadowy grey area between pure competition, athletic spectacle, and scripted action. If you liked the format of Laguna Beach and how it presented stories to the viewer, you may find that Rollergirls cures your Laguna fix. If you're interested, find out when Rollergirls is on in your area.

It's been about two months since Laguna Beach wrapped up its second season, and I know all the fans are hungry for any spare morsel that might come their way. Well, you're in luck. Simon & Schuster and MTV Books have sent us a few copies of the odds-on favorite for the 2006 Nobel Prize for Literature, Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County: Life Inside the Bubble. Written by Kathy Passero and Beth Efran, this tome covers all the saucy details of our favorite on-camera teens. Immerse yourself in Alex M.'s fixation with Leisl from The Sound of Music! Read about Talan's tortured V-Neck sweater purchase for his date with Britney! And scandalize yourself with accounts of Morgan and soggy sandwiches!!

There are plenty of juicy tidbits in this novel. Just take a look at some of the chapter titles (note: the exclamation points are added by me):

• "Kristin: Grounded!"
• "Lo: The Scariest Halloween Ever!"
• "Christina: Toilet Paper Terrors!"

• "Stephen and Dieter: Stanley Goes Cruising!"

Within a few months, he'd [Talan] consider himself an old pro in the kissing department, offering to share his expertise with the girls he knew. "Hey," he'd say. "Let me teach you how to kiss."

Trey had to admit, home school was fun. Before long, he found himself forming opinions about all kinds of things, like the Civil War and Andrew Jackson's policy towards Native Americans.

Remember back in January when I announced a Laguna Beach giveaway? No? Well, I did. I wanted readers to submit proof that they were the ultimate Laguna Beach fans, and in return, they'd win a free copy of Laguna Beach: Life Inside the Bubble from Simon & Schuster. Several months have passed without any news of a winner since then, and that's pretty much my fault. I know -- that's like totally standard. I guess when you're no longer paying attention to the daily struggles in The 'Guna, life can seem empty and directionless. Simple things like contest results no longer have the same urgency. Well, fear not! At long last, I have finally buckled down and decided upon our winners. The wait is finally dunzo.

Winners after the jump...

Fresh off his stint of doing, uh, nothing, Stephen Colletti from Laguna Beach will be guest VJing for MTV this summer at the beach house. His responsibilities will include being dreamy, making weird noises, and being dreamy some more. Now, why would Stephen be selected as host of the MTV Summer Sizzle? According to the press release, when he initially appeared on Laguna Beach, "young women across the country were instantly smitten with his charisma and picture perfect looks." In other news, young women across the country are IDIOTS. Eh, to each his own. Or her own, as it were. Look forward to Stephen's next fifteen minutes of fame starting June 2nd on TRL.

With the premiere of The Hills just around the corner, MTV has decided to inundate us with a giant marathon of Laguna Beach today. Until 10 PM EST, MTV will be all Laguna, all the time. So like totally watch! Otherwise you're so standard.

The Los Angeles intersection is a strange place. Usually, it's where people get into accidents, get caught by traffic cameras, or, as is usually the case, get stuck waiting for a light. But every now and then, something wonderful happens. A few months ago, I was lucky enough to have Corey Clark walk right in front of my car. This evening, I had a similar brush with greatness. Just as I was preparing to make a left turn, I noticed someone sauntering out of a local watering hole. Turns out it was none other than that most eloquent of Laguna Beach residents: Jason. Or as the cool kids call him, J-Wahl.

In the excitement of the moment, I busted out my camera phone (and also turned down my radio. I don't know why. For some reason I thought that would help). Unfortunately, even though Jason was only about fifteen or twenty feet away, the crappy pic (see above) made him look like he was a good mile down the road. Nevertheless, I assure you that blur was in fact Jason. Joining him was a girl I'm pretty sure was LC (same build, hair, height, etc.), but since I only saw her from behind, I couldn't identify her with certainty. I wasn't very happy with my photo documentation of this dual sighting; so I quickly parked my car and trotted up to the bar in hopes of further stalking, but by the time I arrived, they were gone. Oh well. A larger, blurrier shot of Jason after the jump...

Is it us, or does this guy from the Bailey's commercial look like a black version of Jason from Laguna Beach/The Hills?

Soapdish, HBO

In case you haven't been watching HBO the past few days, seminal early '90s comedy Soapdish has been playing at a higher rate than normal. I'm never one to turn down the movie that made Kathy Najimy a star; so I watched it again, and lo and behold, it turns out that even Soapdish in 1991 anticipated the pop culture phenom that is-- well, I'll let you see for yourself.

With Laguna Beach just around the corner, we couldn't help but get into the spirit. Hope it's contagious...

Love springs eternal, unless the cameras are off. Two of Laguna Beach's most storied relationships have like totally fallen apart! According to US Weekly, LC and Jason have called it quits because "He had been going out to clubs, flirting with girls, staying out late." Also, he's kind of a cokehead idiot (allegedly). We don't know why Lauren took so long to drop her soft-spoken, hairy beau, but chances are she realized how dumb she was for passing up that fake Paris assignment for Teen Vogue.

Also new on the singles scene is Kristin Cavallari, who broke up with Olympic spawn Brody Jenner because "they fought a lot." Another cause for their demise: Kristin suddenly realized she was dating Brody Jenner. (Rimshot).

Catch all the exciting news here.

Laguna Beach, 8/16/06, MTV

The new season of Laguna Beach starts tonight on MTV, and we are proud to present this exclusive, first-look scene. It can only be seen here -- not even MTV will be airing it! Looks like it'll be an awesome season!

Like OMG! New season of Laguna Beach! Did you even SEE the new cast? There was like Tessa who was like mousy and unpopular, and then there was like Kyndra who was a bitch, but also Cami who like went to the prom with Jason last year, and then like Raquel who like all the girls hated except Tessa who was like "OMG! I love Rocky!" And then there was Cameron who was like totally hot now and then Jessica was back and she was like "Cameron, have you seen my ex-boyfrien?" and then Cameron was like "Stop judging us by our worst specimen!" and then Kyndra was like "OMG! I own Cameron!" and then Breanna was like "I'm LC's sister!" and Roz was like "I'm back!" and Alex M. was like "High school parties are lame!" And then Vanessa Manillo was like "That was awesome!" It was all like super random!

Laguna Beach, 8/16/06, MTV

We were watching last night season premiere of Laguna Beach, and we couldn't help but notice something peculiar about the opening credits...

In case you couldn't tell with our recent vignettes, we took a little trip down to the real life Laguna Beach a few weeks ago to see what all the hullabaloo was about. What we found was very disturbing: this seemingly normal community has NO parking spots! It was pure sadism, I tell you! So enjoy this first video of our trip down to the 'Guna and the madness that was parking.

More to come this weekend.

The best part of a new season of Laguna Beach? All the internet photos that follow. Thanks to sidekick Candace, we have a plenty to look at, including a keg stand, a vag-slip, and general trashiness. Our favorite pics after the jump...

As part of our continued coverage of the Laguna Beach premiere week, we decided to wander down to the beach community and find out what life was really like on those hallowed shores. After we found a parking spot (an ordeal unto itself), we hoofed it around town, trying to follow in the footsteps of Kristin, LC, Jason, Stephen, Dieter and all the rest of the gang. We'll let this gripping footage serve as a testament to the experience. In one word: mind blowing.

More to come this week...

Our hard-hitting exposé of the real Laguna Beach community continues as we try relentlessly to infiltrate the local Pomodoro, a restaurant famed for its role as the hottest date location in town. Turns out grabbing a table at this eatery is no easy task, but surely two famous bloggers such as ourselves would have no problems getting in. Or would we? Couldn't be harder than finding a parking spot...

The past few days, we've been having some frivolous fun with our journeys to Laguna Beach, but today, we've decided to get serious and expose something very disturbing about this seemingly idyllic community. Despite what the MTV reality show would have us believe, we discovered that there are actually non-white, non-pretty, and non-wealthy people that live IN LAGUNA BEACH! I know, it's shocking. Be prepared for some truly eye-opening footage.

Like OMG! Did you see the party on Laguna Beach last night? Like everyone totally came! Even Kyndra and Cami showed up, even though they were all like "Eww! We hate confetti!" And Chase was like all about acting like he wasn't going to go, but then he totally went! And then Tessa was like totally surprised, and Rocky was like "I love you!" and the waiter was like "Watch out for the red peppers!" It was like totally the best birthday week evah!

In our never ending quest to bring you all things Laguna Beach, we now present to you the inevitable: baby pictures. Behold Jason before nary a facial hair sprouted on his chin. Check out Jessica before years of absent-minded parenting left her demanding attention from every dirtbag boy she met. And cast your eyes on young Stephen before his vocabulary mainly consisted of beeps, clicks, and buzzers. You know you're curious. Photos after the jump...

Like OMG! There was so much scandal on Laguna Beach last night! Kyndra and Cami totally crashed Raquel's party, and then like that girl Stephanie called Cami dirty and then Kyndra made her cry and like Alex showed up and he was totally hot! But then it was like officially the lamest party ever, which was totally random, but like Kyndra had an awesome party at her house the next night and Cami was like "Did you hear what that girl said?" and Kyndra was like "Not again!" and her mom was like "I need to give Chloe a bath!" and Cameron was like "Don't talk to me that way!" and Lexie was like "Rocky's boyfriend is so hot!" and Tessa was like "Let's watch Cinderella man!" It was so standard.

Yes, it was a tale of two parties in tonight's Laguna Beach as gossip and scandal and tales of dirtiness tore at the social fabric of the community. With the Holidays descending on the beachside locale, the whole gang was supposed to celebrate with good cheer and merriment, but wouldn't you know it? The Wicked Witch of the 'Guna flew in on her broomstick and managed to make one girl cry, one boy bolt, and one sleepy show laughably awful, as usual. I'm talking about Kyndra, of course, and she was in typical bitchy form. Along with Cami (who never saw a camera she couldn't pander to), the two queen bees of Laguna managed to be the grinches of this Christmas spectacular. They spent so much time trying to tear poor Raquel down that they completely missed the joy of the holidays: like totally kissing under the mistletoe! But not with each other! Ewww! Gross!

One of the most requested features that I have received from readers is that they want podcasts. Well, beg no longer, as we present TVgasm Visits Laguna Beach (iTunes Music Store Link). Subscribe, and you'll be able to download all of our Laguna adventures and will be automatically notified whenever we add videos in the future. Look for more audio and video podcasts in the future.

Can you guess which future Laguna Beach star is on the left?

Thanks to TVgasm reader Martha for the pic.

Like OMG! Did you see Laguna Beach last night? I can't believe that Breanna was such a bitch to Raquel! She was totally like crying at the restaurant, but then she was like "Let's save our friendship," and Raquel was all like "That's none of your business!" but then like Breanna invited her to a pool party anyway, but Lexi was like "Why?" and Cami was like "Random!" and Kyndra was like "Get this lei off of me!" and Tessa was like "I want to watch Cinderella Man with your parents" and Rocky was like "I don't go to parties to be ignored!" and Tara was like "What's fois grarr?" OMG. Drama!

Yes, we got into the meat-and-potatoes of Laguna Beach this week as Breanna attempted to salvage her friendship with Raquel, but unfortunately, Bree-Bree forgot that inviting your friend to a pool party and then acting like she's in desperate need of a delousing doesn't always help bygones be bygones. This was probably one of the best episodes of the season so far, thanks to the marginalized role of Cami and Kyndra, two girls who seem desperate to make their marks as the next Kristin Cavalleri. Without their made-for-TV antics spewing every two seconds, it felt like we were watching the Laguna we know and love. Might there be hope for this new cast yet?

Laguna Beach, 9/6/06, MTV

Ladies and gentlemen, we've had the wool pulled over our eyes. There's a dark truth about foie gras, and Tara from Laguna Beach is going to expose it. Be prepared to have everything you've ever known about the luxurious dish destroyed, starting with the pronunciation.

It's always exciting time when someone encounters alumni from Laguna Beach or The Hills; so when TVgasm reader Carel passed along these photos, we were more than delighted, even if they did lack any salacious elements. That's okay though because we can always find the scandal in the most ordinary of pool parties. A few more pics -- and scandals -- after the jump.

According to E! Online gossip vixen Kristin, The Hills star and Laguna Beach alum Jason Wahler, a.k.a. J-Wahl, was arrested by the NYPD on September 1st at 4:34 AM on "three counts of bribery, criminal possession of a controlled substance, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct." So let's put on our Jessica Fletcher glasses and surmise how this all went down. My prediction: Jason was busted with drugs, he offered the cops money to get off the hook, and when they refused to back down, he fought back with an insolent mumble. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

Kristin also reports that since his breakup with Lauren Conrad, Jason has been living with friends and crashing on couches, specifically Jordan and Brian's (also from The Hills). Oh, and to add insult to injury: Andy Milonakis lives with them too. Yes, Jason, these are the golden years.

Thanks to TVgasm readers Philip & Lisa for the heads up.

I gotta say, I loved this episode of Laguna Beach. Well, maybe "love" is too strong of a word, but I found it highly entertaining. We can probably attribute that to the total lack of Cami and Kyndra. I'm not saying this because both those girls are heinous bitches who make us all embarrassed for our high school days. No, I say it because both those girls are so cognizant of the cameras at all times that they only serve to distract us from the story. Plus, they never say anything remotely interesting at all -- not that anyone on the show ever has any insightful commentary on anything. My only quibble with this episode is that it began a good two minutes early. MTV, in its infinite wisdom, jumped the gun with the airtimes, which meant all us Tivo users missed the opening scene, which not only is a dependable goldmine of comic possibilities, but also a source of important expository information. And of course tonight was the night when I needed some context the most. It took a good five or eight minutes before we had any idea what was going on. They were going to San Diego? For some event? With boys? Huh? Don't worry. I'll explain all...

Like OMG! Did you see Laguna Beach last night? Kyndra totally started dating her old boyfriend again! And he was all "Look at the ring I got you," and she was like, "It has so many sides," and he was like "I know," and she was like "It's crazy that I'm in high school and you're in college," and he was all "NEVER TALK OF THAT AGAIN!" and Tessa was like "I like Cameron" and Cameron was like "I like Jessica," and Jessica was like "I'm not going to that birthday party," and the guy on the bongoes was like "Cool beats," and Rocky's mom was all, "Are you gonna help with dinner?" and J-Wahl was like "Creepy!" It was like so random!

Why go to jail once when you can go twice? According to NYC radio station Z100, Jason Wahler has wound up in the clink for the second time in a row, again on assault charges. We don't have any further details except that Jason's rebound from LC is a man named Teabag, and he ever so enjoys when J-Wahl stops by to visit his cell.

Update: Jason apparently got into fisticuffs with a tow-truck operator. I guess he wasn't being so gnarly about parking in the red zone. For more, check out this article at TMZ.

Update the Second: According to US Weekly, Jason was arrested whilst in the company of "porn model" Kristen DeLuca (NSFW). Vavavavooom!

Wednesday night is the big Winter Formal episode of Laguna Beach, but why wait until tomorrow when you can go to the dance tonight? That's right, according to an MTV press release, participants in the network's virtual Laguna Beach can go to the ball (virtually, natch) and stir up their own drama as they "watch as the king and queen are crowned, and rock to music provided by the popular Laguna Beach radio station on URGE." Sounds like a date! PUN INTENDED!

Oh, but that's not all. Starting at 9 PM EST/ 6 PM PST, attendees of the virtual winter formal will get to see tomorrow night's episode of Laguna Beach in its entirety. Don't worry if you miss the big showing. There will be encore presentations at "Laguna Cinema, the VIP Club, the Laguna Arts Center, Kyndra’s House or Sanctuary." You know, I was going to have dinner with friends tonight. Looks like I'll have to cancel. See you in the fake 'Guna!

Total scandal on Laguna Beach this week! Kyndra was all like "I'll be a good girl!" to Tyler, but then like she totally hooked up with Cameron at the Winter Formal, and then Tyler's sister totally saw and was like "OMG! I saw you!" and Kyndra was like "Whatever!" and Cami was like "It'll be our secret!" and Rocky was like "I'm afraid to ask my boyfriend to the formal!" and Tessa was all, "I'm gonna go alone!" and Lexie was like "I hope Kelan likes my balloons" and Cameron was like, "I'm not hooking up with anyone this year." It was totally random!

It was Valentine's Day on Laguna Beach, and like Kyndra and Tyler totally fought the entire time. He was like "You're not watching me play pool" and she was all, "Yes, I am" and he was like "You're annoying," and she was like "the flowers are scattering," and Rocky was like "I love you," and Alex was like "I love you too," but then he was like "I think" and Cameron was like "Tyler's gnarly" and Jessica was all, "I'm in Europe!" Random! I miss Kristin and Stephen eating lobster together. Teardrop!

OMG! Valentine's Day may have been last week, but tonight's episode of Laguna Beach was like totally all about love! New relationships were formed, old ones crumbled, and like Cupid's arrows were totally flying all over the place. First Derek asked Tessa out on a date, and he was like "Have you ever been to Mosun?" and she was like "No," and he was all, "You have to go to Mosun." And then later, Cameron was like "Why are you flirty fighting?" and Jessica was like "You have no argument," and Kyndra was like "I'm bored," and Cami was like "Ew! Eat and conquer!" and Rocky was like "They're jealous!" and the saleswoman was like "That'll be $4,000" and Emily was totally, "I'm spilling everywhere!" OMG! Drama!

Like OMG! Laguna Beach side character Nikki (sister of Tyler, narc to Kyndra) has like totally been caught next to a beer and playing with a white, powdery substance. Like, maybe even cutting lines!!!! OMG! Even worse, her hair looks like she spent the latter part of the afternoon sticking forks in power sockets. Frizzy!

Thanks to TVgasm reader Tiffany for the heads up on the pics (found at Laguna Lovers via Pink Is The New Blog). By the way, in related news, a Nikki fan on Laguna Lovers writes, "you should take first one down before PINTB or TVGASM gets a hold of those." Too late!!!

More pics after the jump...

OMG! So much drama on last night's Laguna Beach! First, Rocky was all like "Alex feels pressured!" and then Alex was like "Rocky is gnarly" and then Rocky was all "Just give me a chance to change!" but Alex was like "I'm gonna talk to Lexie" and Lexie was all "He's cute!" and Bernice was like "Do you come to Heidelberg's a lot?" and Kyndra was like "I hate sand!" and Cami was like "I hate the smell of bonfire" and Tara was like "I hate foie gras!" and Derek was like "I hate kissing my girlfriend!" So many haters! I couldn't even believe how awkward it was! OMG! Random!

OMG OMG OMG!!!! Did you even see what Alex said about Rocky on Laguna Beach? He was like totally creeping on Lexie after the bonfire and was all like "Hey, why don't you and Rachel come to Chase's concert with me?" but then like Nick W. asked Rocky to go to the same concert, and Rocky was like "Eh" but then she was like "Okay, I guess," and Alex showed up and was like totally all about the silent treatment and then Rocky like said something to Nick W. and Alex was like "What a slut!" and Stephen was like "She's desperate," and Tessa was like "OMG. Derek never says anything," and Derek was like "Yeah" and Rocky was like "I'm hyperventilating!" and Breanna was like "I still exist!" It was so crazy! I'm so telling Kyndra about this tomorrow at Heidelberg!

Not satisfied that our previous journeys to Laguna Beach had yielded enough juicy tidbits, we decided to head back down to the famed seaside community in search of more eye-opening discoveries. Needless to say, we were far more successful this time. In a TVgasm exclusive, we talked with Breanna, Rocky, and even Alex and found out who's a sidekick, who's a Master, and who throws the best parties in all of the 'Guna. Like OMG! Videos coming soon...

For the past few weeks of Laguna Beach, we've noticed that the girl we once thought would be the star of the whole season has been all but non-existant on the show. That's right, I'm talking about Breanna Conrad, younger sister of Lauren Conrad, and latest member of the Family Conrad to have her life documented on MTV. As far as we can tell, the only time we saw Breanna recently was when she popped up to give Rocky's erstwhile boyfriend Alex a few eye-rolls on last week's episode.

Well, we've had enough of these shenanigans. We decided to drive down to Laguna Beach and find out where the hell Breanna has been hiding. The results may shock you.

LIKE OMG!!! I thought last week's episode of Laguna Beach was like totally full of drama, but omg! Did you even see last night's Spring Break show? Like there was so much drama! First Kyndra was like "Ew! I hate Tyler" and then she was all "I'm single and loving it!" but then Tyler was like "Slut!" and then he was like "I love you so much," and Kyndra was like "I love you too!" and then they were like "Let's suck face!" and Breanna was like "I'm gonna hook up with Derek!" and Derek was like "Kelan should hook up with Lexie," and Lexie was like "I'm not going to hook up with Kelan!" and Kelan was all, "I have no balls!" and Derek was like "We're so going to the zoo!" and Breanna was like "Look at the jetskis!" and Tessa was all, "I'm going to Virginia with Rocky!" It was like the most insane awesome Cabo trip ever! I totally want to go down there! Random!

Like OMG! Who's the Laguna Beach jerk who's made this girl scowl so much?

Last week, we were invited down to Laguna Beach where we had exclusive access to the Conrad home. Seeing that this appeared to be the first time a TV blog had received such exclusive access into the private worlds of the Laguna folk, we decided to capitalize on this opportunity by confronting the kids with some hard-hitting questions about the show. Unfortunately, we were hung over and wound up asking a series of fluffy, human-interest questions instead. That's okay though. This is the blogosphere, not 60 Minutes. (And don't get us started on the camera work. We employed TVgasm reader IndianJones to help us out. Needless to say, an MIT Business School education clearly does not a cameraman make). So for all you Laguna fans, enjoy part one of our inquisition with Breanna Conrad.

Get the foie gras ready! Never one to be upstaged by The OC latest scheduling moves, Laguna Beach has jumped into the double-up game. MTV will be airing the next two episodes back to back tonight; so like totally set your DVRs -- otherwise you might miss like the most drama ever! OMG!

What's that you say? You want more Breanna Conrad? Well, who am I to deny you? In this clip, we get to the bottom of the sidekick/Master dynamic that plagues Laguna Beach so.

Like OMG! Did you see Laguna Beach last night? MTV like totally gave us TWO episodes back to back! It was like so random. The more the merrier, but it's like waay too much for one recap. I totally have to split it into two. I mean, it's like totally going to Heidelberg and getting two sandwiches. Whatevs! I can't eat them both at lunch! I gotta have one later. EW! So many calories!

NEways, I'm like totally gonna recap the first episode now and the second one afterwards because like so much happened. Like, there was a prom. That's a big deal! Cameron was all like "Prom?" and Derek was totally like "You wanna see the prom movie, starring me and you, LEXIE?" and Lexie was like "I'm so not hooking up with him!" and Rachel was like "Yes, you are!" and Kyndra was like "OMG! I love Sharpies!" and Alex was like "Rocky, I miss you," and Rocky was all "Alex, I can't guarantee that I'm gonna take you back," and then her mom was like "Oh Raquel!" and Tessa was like "I can't hug Derek in the limo." There was so much action! And one person like totally wore a tie to the prom too. Random!

Like OMG! Just when I thought I was done for the day, MTV like totally gave us another episode of Laguna Beach! This time, it was all about Chase's band, Open Air Stereo. The kids like all totally went up to Hollywood to hear them sing, and then like Tessa totally made out with Derek again, and Breanna was like sitting right next to them, and Chase was like "This is a dream come true!" and Kelan was like "I might not go to school" and Derek was all "It's like Tommy Lee Goes To College!" and Rocky was like "I love you again Alex" and then Epic Records was like "We want to sign a terrible band!" It was like so exciting!

OMG! Just when we were starting to like totally get into this season of Laguna Beach, it like totally ended on us! It was like totally sad! There was like a graduation and everything, and Cameron was all "I'm gonna miss my friends," and Derek was like "I'm gonna miss high school," and Kyndra was all, "You better cry!" and Cameron was like "They're my friends!" and Rocky was like "I hope Alex doesn't dump me now!" and her mom was like, "I just want you to be happy," but she said it like "Hoppy" so it sound like totally funny. But then Breanna was all about writing a letter to Rocky, and Rocky was like "OMG! We're friends again!" and Tessa was like "WHATEVS!" but like totally quiet. I was like crying the whole time, it was so sweet!!! OMG!!!