Fiesta Forever! - 
by B-Side
Cha cha cha! It's fiesta time in Laguna Beach! This week's episode was all about gettin' drunk on what I imagined was Cinco De Mayo (why else would white kids throw a fiesta?), and while there was all sorts of good drama (like OMG! Kristin totally hooked up with Jessica's crush!), the real story was watching Roz get drunk and dance around her house like a latter day Tom Cruise in Risky Business, except fully-clothed. We also learned other intriguing things about this sidekick's personality: her shyness with boys, her love of piñatas, and of course, her deep, undying fear of WAVES. So grab some nachos and a big sombrero. In the immortal words of Lionel Richie in his seminal anthem, All Night Long, "we're going to party, karamu, fiesta, forever!" Everyone Loves a Spicy Latina Party!
Previously on Laguna Beach, Kristin explained to us that her trip up north had been a total dud. "My weekend in San Francisco was a disaster," she said. Like, totally! Those seagulls were all like stalking you! Way to ruin a weekend, BIRDS. Actually, Kristin's Bay Area sojourn wasn't undermined by the gregarious larine population. (larine = pertaining to gulls. I just looked it up.) No, her trip, as you may remember, was sullied by various romantic overtures made by a horny and nostalgic Stephen, thus ruining the platonic vibe we all so expected. We did expect that, right? Of course not. Kristin voiced her disappointment: "Stephen just didn't get it that we couldn't be a couple anymore." Yeah, why would he think that? It's not like when you guys see each other, you go out on Valentine's Day dates or anything.
Anyway, enough with the Stephen junk. No one really cares about him except the producers and his wayward sidekick, Dieter. Instead, Kristin then focused on the latest Jessica saga, which thankfully seemed more upbeat than usual. You see, she had a new crush to fixate on (Jeff, Roz's lovable Winter Formal date), and Kristin was really happy for her. "Jessica had been through so much drama. I just wanted her to be happy." She then added, "So I, you know, hooked up with her crush. To make her happy!" Actually, in the twisted world of Jessica, having new drama to chew on probably did make her happy. And yes, Kristin did hookup with Jeff; although, we only saw an abbreviated version in the preview. So we've seen Alex hookup with Jeff and now Kristin. Jessica really wants sidekick sloppy seconds?
Well, we finally moved on to the opening scene, and surprise surprise, we found Jessica reclining on the beach with Alex H. (who I call Roz because 1) I firmly believe she has a strong resemblance to Peri Gilpin from Frasier; 2) regardless of how she looks, she's such a Roz; and 3) it's too annoying to have two Alex's all the time). Nevertheless, nary an opening scene goes by without our girl Roz, and even though she has yet to make it to the opening credits (can we start an online petition? Maybe get Bono working for this cause?), I think it's safe to say that she owns the first 90 seconds of this show.
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