This week's show began with Tessa telling Chase about her upcoming date with Derek, whose previous claim to fame had been announcing his intent to develop his abs, let alone a decent tan. Tessa revealed that she really liked Derek and was all excited for dinner and everything, but I couldn't help wondering if she had broken the news to Rocky's parents. Looks like they'd be watching Silkwood alone tonight.

Of course, since this was a first date, Tessa was feeling nervous about the situation, but Chase calmed her down with some sage advice. "Don't worry about it," he said. "Just be yourself. Be mellow." And BORING (what? He said she should be herself).

Chase then told Tessa that he approved of Derek, as opposed to some of the other guys she'd dated. He said her previous beaus had been "duds," but honestly, it's not like she has a plethora of non-duds to choose from. She's in Laguna Beach, home of ugly t-shirts, dumb hair, and monosyllabic males. And that includes you, Chase.

We then cut to the opening credits, and afterwards, we learned the title of this episode: "First Date, Last Date." Ouch. That didn't sound promising for Tessa's burgeoning romance. We then headed over to the Koffee Klatch where Jessica was grabbing a Koffee with her old friend Emily, a pleasant girl from last season who was probably most famous for trying to mitigate a fight down in Mexico. Anyway, Emily made her auspicious, long-haired season three debut by spilling her coffee everywhere throughout the Klatch. I mean, we didn't actually see the spillage, but as she made her way to the table, she complained that she was making a mess. DRAMA!

"Sometimes I wish I could be like Jessica and never spill my coffee..."

But enough about Emily and her inability to efficiently transport coffee. She's a sidekick, and in that role, it was her duty to ask questions. First up, she wanted to know how Europe was. Jessica said it was okay, but then she came home to nothing but drama. Shocking. Jessica immediately complained about Kyndra and how she had hooked up with Cameron during winter formal. She then ranted, "She's so stupid. She's SO stupid. She hooks up with Cameron while she's going out with Tyler, trying to pursue Cameron. It's like why? So you can have drama in your life and have something to talk about? Like, is your life that like boring that you need to find something to talk about?" Wait, I'm confused. Was she talking about Kyndra or herself? Or any other girl in Laguna?

Ultimately though, Jessica managed to state one thing that I heartily agreed with: "She's [Kyndra] just a fake, stupid, two-faced bitch who's ugly and uses that to raise her self-esteem." Preach it, sista!

It was Emily, however, who spoke the most searing truth: "All these little girls are like -- dumb." Indeed they are. That's why we tune in every week.

We then traveled over to Nick W.'s house where he and Cameron were playing ping-pong... outside... in the middle of what looked like the road. Kind of dangerous, but I guess that's how the 'Guna kids roll. I also noticed what seemed to be parking spots marked in front of NIck's house. It had me wondering if maybe Nick lived in a condo, which then had me wondering if Nick was -- dare I say it? -- less wealthy than his buddies. No way. That could never happen. However, it might explain his eagerness to be the world's greatest sidekick.