This week's episode was blithely titled "Kiss and Don't Tell!" (I added the exclamation point), and I couldn't be more excited. Surely some scandalous lip-locking would be taking place, and thanks to the previews, we already knew it would involve Cameron and town pariah Tessa. Didn't he know any better? Didn't he realize that she was UNTOUCHABLE???

Well, after the opening credits ran, we found Cameron lifting weights in a cramped boutique gym annoyingly named, "The Art of Fitness." Look, I know Laguna Beach was founded as an artists' colony, but this is getting ridiculous. It's not like people are using elliptical machines to power a pottery wheel. Anyway, we were then treated to a lovely close-up of Cameron's armpit hair as he bench pressed enough weight to make me feel shame for my physical stature. Just when we thought we were in for a quiet scene of contemplation and sweat, Jessica suddenly popped up by Cam's side and chirped "I'll lift weights with you!" She then added, "I WILL DO ANYTHING WITH YOU. I NEED TO BE LOVED AND DOTED UPON!!!"

Unfortunately, Jessica didn't realize what she was getting into. Working out with Cameron is no walk in the park. He handed her two twelve pound dumbbells, enough to strain even the strongest of bodybuilders. "Isn't that a lot of weight?" she asked, eyeing the weights with deep fear.

"NOT FOR INCLINE BENCH!" Cameron snapped back. Looks like Jessica hasn't quite honed the art... OF FITNESS!!!

Anyway, Jessica turned out to be a total pest in the gym (imagine that!) as she warned Cameron, "Don't step on my Sidekick or my sunglasses or my phone!" The very mention of the word "sidekick" had me excited that Roz might show up, and surely, who would want to step on Roz? But it turns out she was merely referring to her T-Mobile Sidekick, thus ruining my brief excitement.

Well, Jessica continued to bitch and moan and generally sully the Art of Fitness. "I don't gym!" she protested, clearly not realizing that she was, in fact, "gyming" at that moment. A frustrated Cameron tried to push all the complaining aside and gave her some weights to lift for twenty-five reps. "Twenty-five's a lot!" she balked. To be fair, she can only count to eighteen.

After this workout from hell, a pissed Cameron walked Jessica to her car, and even though he was obviously annoyed with her, he still asked if he could sit in her car because, you know, it was really cold out (that'll happen when you wear a sleeveless t-shirt outside in the middle of winter at dusk). The two got in the car, parked distractingly on an oblique angle, but I'm not sure these new environs helped, what with the windows rolled all the way down. Might be hard to preserve that heat if you're letting all the cold air in. I guess Jessica's still working on the Art of Climate Control. Or at least the Art of Windows.

"Can you check under your door, Cameron? I think I parked on a hobo."