Yes, this week's episode was all about romance as the kids prepared for Valentine's Day, that most hallowed of Laguna holidays. Unfortunately, the show began early, which meant I missed almost the entire opening scene. However, I did catch the tail end of it as Cami and Kyndra exercised on elliptical machines and complained about how Nikki always narc'd to big brother/douchebag Tyler about every little detail. In its truncated state, the scene lasted only about fifteen seconds for me though (random!), and after the opening credits, we learned that this week's episode was titled, "Spies, Lies, and Alibis." Like OMG! A triple rhyme! I haven't been this blown away since I found out foie gras was...

DUCK LIVER!

Anyway, after checking out some obligatory shots of waves crashing on rocks, we then headed up to Rocky's house perched high above the Cactus Kingdom. Some text on the screen informed us it was "The Day Before Valentine's Day," or as it's known to those of us with half a brain, February 13th. As usual, Rocky was busy baking something or another, and before she and Tessa began talking, we already were sighing and thinking, "Poor Tessa..." If there's one thing we could assume, it was that Valentine's and Tessa have not been a perfect match. Sure enough, Tess revealed that her Valentine's Days have always been "like 'interesting.'" Interesting, which is ironically her word for "BORING AND AWFUL." To be fair though, maybe she did mean "interesting" in the truest sense of the word. After all, it is the one day of the year when she and Rocky's parents rent experimental art films from the late '60s.

Nevertheless, Tessa finally relented with her cheery attitude and revealed that her Valetine's Days were so much interesting as they were underwhelming. "I haven't really had a great one yet," she said. C'mon, stop beating around the bush. Just tell us what we already know.

"I don't have a Valentine. So you know what? SHUT UP!" she snapped at Rocky. Finally, the true laid bare! Just as we suspected.

Meanwhile, over at the Coffee Pub (a bitter rival to the Koffee Klatch, perhaps?), Nick and Cameron met up for a pleasant lunch al fresco. As they talked, I couldn't help wondering if Nick's upper lip was naturally that big or was he simply perpetually being stung by bees. Either way, Cameron suddenly received a call from Jessica, who informed him that she was presently and inexplicably in Europe.

"She would be," muttered Nick. I didn't really know what he meant by that. It's not like Jessica wears a certain "I should be in Europe right now" attitude. If I had to guess, she probably heard a rumor that Jason was somewhere in the Pyrenees, hence the sudden flight across the pond.

Interestingly enough, Cameron learned that Cami had been trying to reach Jessica. She wanted to tell her something, probably about Cameron hooking up with Kyndra at the formal. Funny how it's awful for Nikki to narc on Kyndra, but it's fine for Cami to rat out Cameron. Ah dumb girls. Gotta love 'em. (Actually, no. That's not true. You don't gotta love 'em at all.)

Speaking of dumb girls, Cami and Nikki were presently browsing through Emporio Optic where they discussed the upcoming Valentine's party that Tyler and Kyndra would be throwing. How would the party be in the wake of all those formal rumors, they wondered. Nikki then revealed, "Yesterday, I was going up to L.A. with my mom, and I kept getting phone calls from Tyler, Kyndra or Cameron. So funny." Yes, hilarious. I'm doubling over with laughter as we speak. I'm going to tell everyone at work about this. They'll think it's a riot. I mean, Nikki got phone calls from three different people! If that's not pee-in-your pants funny, I don't know what is.