You know what's really funny about Laguna Beach? Nothing ever happens. I mean, sure, there's a lot of talking and flirting and squabbling, but basically, we're still pretty much where we were three episodes ago. Not that that's a bad thing. We've gotten so used to the pre-fab reality stars of The Real World that we simply expect confrontation and resolution nearly every fifteen minutes. But this isn't the real world. It's the real Orange County. Big difference.
The episode began with the standard "Previously, on Laguna Beach," but like OMG! Whoever read that line was like totally above thirty! Yeah, that's right. Above thirty. I rewound my Tivo like ten times and EW! It was some nasty older woman. Gross! Isn't this MTV, not PBS?
Actually, I don't know who read that opening line, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was one of the Laguna moms, eager to have her imprint on pop culture. Let's not forget Taylor's mother who probably would have worn a 1982 cheerleading uniform if it meant getting on camera.
Anyway, after our little recap, we met up with Kristin hangin' out in Alex H.'s bedroom. The two seemed to be mid-gab when suddenly the phone rang. Sure enough, it was Talan calling to say hi to Kristin. Oh, but because he's a gentleman, he actually said hi to Alex too. Wow, I think that's the first time that anyone except Kristin and Jessica even acknowledged Alex's presence. Anyway, Talan then returned his focus to Kristin, saying that they had to meet up because "We got a lot to talk about." Man, could this scene BE any more Frasier? Kristin's fielding needy phone calls while Alex -- a.k.a. ROZ -- sits in the background and watches from the producer's booth that is her bed. But I digress. Talan had a lot to talk about, let's not forget. He then added, "There's a lot on my mind." Yeah, you know, surfing, buzz cuts, bubbles, shiny things. Just stuff in general.
Kristin set a time to meet Talan for dinner, and after she hung up, Alex H. smiled and said, "I think he likes you." Way to figure that out, ROZ! Maybe Dr. Crane should move on over! Just take over the call-in show, why don't you???
Well, Roz's stunning observation led to H. Duff singing her way through the opening credits, and then we were back. Tonight's episode title: "More Than Friends." And appropriately enough, the very first people we saw were Jason surfing with his man-lover, Cedric. More than friends indeed! Oh, but raining on this sexually charged parade was Talan, who filled out this trio of lusty surfers. While the guys caught some waves, the mischievous triad of Morgan S., Alex M., and Taylor No-Initial suddenly appeared carrying large boxes of...something. I couldn't really tell. Moments later, however, I discovered that it was Saran Wrap. Oh. Okay. Kind of reminds me of my high school days of toting oversized boxes of aluminum foil around town. Man, those were some crazy times. This once, my friend Greg even found a box of wax paper. I can't begin to tell you how awesome that was.
Actually, the girls did have a Saran cause. They were gonna prank the guys by wrapping their SUV in plastic -- because nothing says HILARious like treating a car like a bowl of potato salad. To be fair, however, the girls then sprayed the Saran wrapped car with silly string, and finally, I had to concede that this was a nicely executed prank. Eventually the guys returned from their mid-afternoon surf orgy, and Cedric immediately pieced together what was going on. "Is this from that night when we put blood on their windows and stuff?" he asked as if it was like no big deal to have blood on your windows. Well, the answer must have been a yes because the girls came running out of nowhere, spraying their Silly String as if it were some new, wacky version of Mace. Jason and Talan easily avoided the gunk, but like a true sidekick taking a bullet for his master, Cedric wound up bearing the brunt of this silly attack. Oddly enough, he then turned to Jason and said, "All this Silly String. I guess I'll have to take a shower now." Then he licked his finger and touched his nipple, whispering, "Care to join, big boy?"
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Comments (32)
I do the VO on the show and for the record, I'm 27. Thank you very much.
Until next week...
xoxoxo
1 of 32 | Posted by Jaime | Posted on August 16, 2005 5:27 PM
Real convincing!
Actually, I do the VO for the show and you know this because I typed it and nobody can type it if it isn't true.
Forgive me for being a cynic.
2 of 32 | Posted by Valerie | Posted on August 16, 2005 5:41 PM
Uh Valerie, check out the credits.... the voice over is done by someone named Jaime. :-P
3 of 32 | Posted by marc | Posted on August 16, 2005 5:45 PM
note to self: don't eat triscuits while reading b-side's recaps. "buck-wild with the makeup" made me spew crumbs all over my screen. god, i love this place, your recaps are to die for and people's responses are almost as priceless. i'm going to start setting this as my homepage. ;0
BTW, how awkward was it when alex got caught redhanded by jason for basically cruising by his house for no reason but to stalk him and his family. "who were you with?" "oh, some friends." (with a VERY creeped out, guilty expression) "what friends?" jeez, 20 questions jason! i like alex way better than jealous-jessica but that was really weird.
keep on with the money posts!!
4 of 32 | Posted by laguna bee-otch | Posted on August 16, 2005 6:41 PM
Query why a voice-over artist would be reading TVGasm. But I guess if you only get 4 words once a week for, like, 14 weeks or so... OMG, you have plenty of free time, it could totally be you. And B-Side can pull in the stars. Of course I love the gay shit. JP and Talan are friends? I missed that! JP baked Kristin a birthday cake last week. Could there be two gay affairs going on, JaCed and JPlan? We can only hope. B-Side, the Sidekick comment was great, as was the recap. I thought, OMG, this is such a lame episode, B-Side is going to nuke it, but you actually made it more interesting than I ever thought it was.
5 of 32 | Posted by Ozone Dude | Posted on August 16, 2005 7:58 PM
I have to confess. I'm almost twice the age of the freaks on this show and yet I can't get enough of them. Why is Kristin such a bitch? Why does that one girl look like Barbi? Why are they all constantly stealing each other's boyfriends? Will L.C. ever get the hell over Stephen?
And yet...I can't even watch the show without shame. I turn the channel when my husband comes into the room. You know why? Because I'm old enough to have a husband (and not in that "my parents sold me into marriage" way)!
I love Laguna Beach but I fear my love is unnatural.
6 of 32 | Posted by So Ashamed | Posted on August 16, 2005 8:01 PM
B-Side, B-Side, B-Side, no comment about how Kristin was making out with Talan or joking with "Roz" about how she loves to f-with Talan's mind? I was sure you'd have some good snark for that.
7 of 32 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie | Posted on August 16, 2005 9:06 PM
honestly though - what is the deal with lc and stephen? is he just hanging out with her because he knows he can get some? because he is just not that into her because he's still hung up on k-dawg, as evidenced by the telephone call on her bday, despite the awkwardness that subsequently ensued... can anyone please explain? or maybe lc should just read 'he's just not that into you'??
8 of 32 | Posted by Kate | Posted on August 16, 2005 9:09 PM
The Laguna Beach recaps are by far the best. maybe it's just because there are more things to talk about.
9 of 32 | Posted by amelia | Posted on August 16, 2005 9:39 PM
I finally figured out who Cassey reminds me of. Not that the Jabba and Barbie thing isn't right on, but Holly from BB5. That voice, the way she holds her mouth, they could be sisters or mother and daughter. They do kinda look alike, but that voice is the dead give away.
Rick D.
10 of 32 | Posted by Rick D. | Posted on August 17, 2005 5:12 AM
did anyone see SS16? i wanted to kill that fucking girl.
11 of 32 | Posted by c | Posted on August 17, 2005 8:06 AM
I watched SS16. Someone should slap that girls mother! Hard! But about Laguna, I missed the first 15 minutes...Kristin and Talan were making out!!! Not surprised, but OMG!
12 of 32 | Posted by Jennifer | Posted on August 17, 2005 9:18 AM
I have to say, I have not liked Kristin since the show started, but something about this episode changed my opinion. I think she is the most real person on the show only in that she doesn't care what people think and speaks her mind like it's her job. Before it was just obnoixious that she was just a bit conceited, but now it's just amusing. I love how she makes it known to Jessica how stupid she is being with Jason.
Am I the only one who wants to see Stephen and LC together??
13 of 32 | Posted by Kellie | Posted on August 17, 2005 10:44 AM
What the hell is going on with that damn jacket of Casey's? It's freakin' California, not Aspen, you freak.
14 of 32 | Posted by Angie | Posted on August 17, 2005 12:08 PM
So Ashamed-
You are hilarious and you remind me of myself! I used to always try and change the channel when my husband came in the room too. It's embarassing that I watch this garbage! Unfortunately the hubby's caught me watching on a number of occasions so my secret is out.
Thankgully he's a kind man and only makes fun of me in private for it!
15 of 32 | Posted by Amanda | Posted on August 17, 2005 1:53 PM
I want Stephen and LC to get together, too! But I just don't think he will ever learn to appreciate her or return her devotion. And she's giving him no chase, it's too easy for him and I think LC bores him. He will kick it with her and call her his friend and f*ck her on the down low because she is attractive after all, but he just won't take it where it needs to go. I'd also like to see Alex and Jason together.
I've been trying to figure out why I like this show so much as well. I still don't have an answer. Guess I'll have to keep watching until I figure it out!
16 of 32 | Posted by joslyn | Posted on August 17, 2005 3:21 PM
Fantastic recap, though I'm a little disappointed that the BEST LINE EVER wasn't mocked to overkill. Talan, during his inscrutable conversation with Taylor: "I l-u-v you." This is totally my new phrase.
I'm also over here waving the LC and Stephen flag.
17 of 32 | Posted by sarah | Posted on August 17, 2005 7:51 PM
Haha I agree Sarah, I thought that was hysterical "I love you, well I l-u-v you" HAHAHAHA, he is a cheeseball!!!
18 of 32 | Posted by ali | Posted on August 18, 2005 9:50 AM
B-side, i had no intention of making an 'emasculating' comment towards you last week... i love reading your ish every week! Ok Ozone Dude what about Cedson or Tal-P? i know, i know..... anyway i'm just like the rest of you, don't know why I like this show so much. Casey makes me want to PUKE!! in those prom pix she looks like a younger dolly parton w/ that ugly porn star wig, fake tan, and her unfinished big bird sesame street dress. I thought it was hilaroius how alex m got caught stalking jason's house!! i love kristin! LC is desperate!
19 of 32 | Posted by guna watcher, i hate "the oc" | Posted on August 18, 2005 4:51 PM
I thought the beginning recap was done by Kristin?
20 of 32 | Posted by jess | Posted on August 18, 2005 7:11 PM
omg yea the best line ever was the..."i love you...well i dont love you, but i L-U-V you." haha that was great.
21 of 32 | Posted by chelsea | Posted on August 19, 2005 1:53 AM
I want Stephen and LC together too... I think they're cute.
22 of 32 | Posted by tayten | Posted on August 19, 2005 8:40 AM
I think everyone is being a bit harsh on Jessica. Jason is a dumb meathead jock and she's falling for his crap. That's the typical high school story, girl with good intentions falls for douche-bag baseball players crap.
i mean, none of these people are particularly likeable but she seems pretty harmless, just absolutley "in love" with Jason who constantly messes with her head.
Another thing - I kind of liked the first season because it reminded me of my high school days. not so much the setting, but all the scandal and rumors and juvenile relationship antics. this season's cast, i think, is different. this is a study in sociopaths. talen is unnerving in his ability to manipulate.
23 of 32 | Posted by RaoulDUke | Posted on August 19, 2005 9:48 AM
I spit my water out when you called Jessica a "stupid bimbo"... hilarious. I don't remember being that dumb in high school over some hot jock. She's so cute too. But at least Jason said to Alex that he and Jessica are still on and going semi-strong. Oh well, I miss Stephen.
24 of 32 | Posted by couchpotato | Posted on August 19, 2005 11:38 AM
I am starting to get into the show too! I am glad I'm not the only one who thought that Casey was messed up looking, if you took money away from the girl, there would be absolutely no help for her! I heard she was Miss Teen California or something...
25 of 32 | Posted by KT | Posted on August 20, 2005 7:53 AM
Someone help me, I'm totally sick. Although I too, HATE Kristen...I secretly want to be reincarnated as her so that i can feel what it's like to be such a f*cking b*tch and have people love and worship me for it.
26 of 32 | Posted by addicted to the guna | Posted on August 23, 2005 12:23 AM
jason should do sometihng really nice to apoligize to jessica, then jessica should make him suffer like she did
then get back together and tell off alex
27 of 32 | Posted by meredith | Posted on August 26, 2005 8:15 PM
Did anyone notice in, "This is the first night me and Talan hooked up?", pic that Kristen looked pregnant or something. What was up with her stomach?
28 of 32 | Posted by Nicole | Posted on September 1, 2005 3:20 PM
this recap cracked me up
the whole saran wrap comment & the "Care to join, big boy?" made me laugh so much.
ur writeups are just as addicting as laguna beach is (thats a good thing lol)
29 of 32 | Posted by Nicole | Posted on September 1, 2005 10:13 PM
how can you get in touch with the cast? it would be sweet to be able to actually talk to them. I actually think jason is extremely hot.
30 of 32 | Posted by Kyrbi | Posted on September 2, 2005 1:28 PM
well if ur right about jason being gay then it looks like ced's gonna have to watch out! ;)
31 of 32 | Posted by JaSoNs_HoT | Posted on September 4, 2005 6:33 PM
yeah totally whats with jason being such a jerk. i totally thought he was cute, until he turned into a complete A-hole!
32 of 32 | Posted by Matt | Posted on September 5, 2005 6:42 PM