TVgasm Recaps

Back in late February, Last Comic Standing held auditions here in Los Angeles, and being the whore I am for any sort of reality event, I gladly trekked on down to the Hollywood Improv to take a gander at the activities. No, I did not audition. Truth was that our old friend Kevan from Amish in the City (a.k.a. the one normal city guy) actually has a standup career going on now, and he invited us to come down and hang with him in line. Sounded like fun. Little did I know an Ice Age would happen to hit Los Angeles that night. Needless to say, it was cold (for L.A. standards, which meant the temperature was hovering near fifty degrees), but weather be damned. There were all sorts of bizarre characters out. Unfortunately, I wasn't quite as proficient with my camera as usual, and so my photos are few and far between. But I'll share what I did get.

Okay, I realize the fourth season of Last Comic Standing actually started last week, but I missed it because I was on vacation and our cruise ship didn't get NBC. And while NBC was kind enough to do a one-hour recap of last week's two-hour extravaganza, recapping a recap is too meta even for me. Besides, trying to do a funny recap of a show that's actually supposed to be funny in the first place is harder than you'd think; fortunately, a lot of tonight's comedians just weren't that funny. Speaking of which, it's time to meet this season's host...

Anthony Clark (of Yes, Dear fame), welcomes us to the historic Alex Theatre in Los Angeles. Yes, the Anthony Clark. Evidently, Jim Belushi was too busy. He promises us tonight's show is going to be "a lot of laughs", but judging by the look on his face, it looks more like he's promising us a lot of the Cherry Pepto dance. Still, even that would be funnier than an episode of Yes, Dear, so count me in.

If I told you 5 + 5 = 12, would you believe me? What if I told you tonight's group of winners is even unfunnier than last week's group? Would you believe me then? Of course you would. This is Last Comic Standing, after all. The reality show where comics are advanced not based on their actual comedic chops, but rather their demographic appeal and potential for bringing drama. Don't believe me? I've got two words for you: Stel La.

Anthony Clark comes out to introduce the show, which once again is held in the historic Alex Theatre. I guess I shouldn't be surprised it's in the same theatre, because it's actually the same night as last week's show, which became apparent when the comics from last week came out wearing the same clothes as last week. Unless the producers went all Survivor Results Show on us and made sure the contestants looked exactly the same as the last time we saw them. Nah, that's giving the producers of this show too much credit. Let's not forget they're the same people who foisted Dat Phan on us. Of course, to their credit, even they seem to have realized what an unfunny tool he is, and now refer to him simply as He Who Cannot Be Laughed At.

Anyway, producers cue the theme song! It's time to get our chuckle on...

With the audition rounds finally over and the comics moving into the houseboat, you'd think this would be the week Last Comic Standing finally got interesting. And you'd be right. Sort of. Because while the drama was definitely kicked up a notch (I'm talkin' 'bout choo, STELLA!), the comedy was still sub par at best. Not to say there weren't good moments, but overall this season isn't close to the beauty that was Season One, or even the girl-next-door bangability of Season Two. In fact, Season Four (don't even ask about the abortion that was Season Three) is shaping up to be a big butterface, without the butter. Or the face. Still, it could be worse. At least we don't have to listen to Ant...

Well, enough pontificating. I needs to get my grin on... Giggidy giggidy giggidy!!

Sorry for the lateness of this recap, but as you may have heard, Tuesday was my birthday. Which meant that watching and recapping Last Comic Standing was not high on my list of things to do. Wednesday came and went, and still this show wasn't on the list. I'll tell you what was on the list, though: sleeping. To recover from all my celebrating on Tuesday. Not to mention my vasectomy from last Friday.

Anyway, enough about my old balls. Let's move on to this season's old bag, Michele Balan. (How's that for a segue?) After kicking ass and taking names at last week's head-to-head-to-head challenge, she returns to the Queen Mary, hoping beyond hope that her victory might earn her a slight modicum of respect from the other comics. Of course, she's totally high, because the other comics have as much respect for her as Gordon Ramsey has for Tom's schweaty balls. And now that I've brought that joke full circle, it's time to get this recap started.

Alright, let's be honest: how many of you even remembered Last Comic Standing was still on? I know, me neither! So you can imagine my surprise when I turned on the TiVo Thursday night and found a new episode waiting for me to recap. (And yes I know it's actually a Tuesday show, but since I'm also covering Rock Star: Supernova, and it's on at the same time as LCS here in the Mountain Time Zone, I don't get to watch LCS until the Thursday night rebroadcast on Bravo.) Of course, if my loyal readers (Hi Mom!) want to take up a collection to get me a dual-tuner TiVo, I certainly wouldn't stand in their way...

Up until now, Last Comic Standing has been hard to recap, but not impossible. At least I had the challenges to make fun of. But now that we're down to the final five comics, the entire hour is nothing but mediocre stand-up. And I don't know about you, but few things are less funny than reading about someone's comedy routine. Except maybe writing about said comedy routine. And then re-reading it to make sure you don't have any typos. And then rewriting it because you realize your first attempt makes Stella look like Dave Chappelle. Except with stretch marks. And not the good kind either.

Let's start the show...

First off, let me apologize to the handful of TVgasm regulars still watching Last Comic Standing for missing my recap last week. As I'm sure I've complained about, I'm also recapping Rock Star: Supernova, which airs at the same time, so I don't get to watch LCS until Thursday nights. Normally, that's not a problem, but last week I had a big presentation Friday morning, and then got called away to a camping emergency up near Mount Evans over the weekend. By the time I got home Sunday night, I just didn't feel like writing a Monday recap for a Tuesday show. So I didn't. Yeah, I'm a lazy fuck. Seriously, I just lay there.

From reading the forums and catching the quick recap at the start of this week's episode, however, it doesn't seem like I missed much of anything except another chance to rag on Zoobabe's favorite comedian, Gary Gulman. Since I'm trying to recapture some goodwill for missing last week's recap, I'll say something nice about Gary here: he's funnier than colon cancer.

And Dane Cook.

Aw, who gives a shit. Really. Over in the forums, there's been a total lack of outcry over the lateness of my LCS recap. And it's the friggin' season finale! Zoobabe even went so far as to offer to let me use her recap to save myself the trouble of having to sit through the last two episodes. And when Zoobabe offers to do something nice for me, you know the show ain't worth watching.

That, or the Seventh Seal's done been busted...

***Note from the Editor: Please welcome the newest member of the TVgasm family, Ms. GordonShumway!

So we're two shows deep into the sixth season of Last Comic Standing and this week's ep starts in front of a fake brick wall at the LA Improv because everyone is funnier in front of a brick wall, except for maybe the Kool Aid man. Bill Bellamy literally steps off of an LCS-emblazoned short bus (I'll take "Poor Transportation Choices" for $1000, Alex), puts a Seacrestian pause between the words "This" and "is Last Comic Standing", and an animated graphic of either a microphone or a radiator whizzes onto the screen to let us know that the time has come for JOKES.

This two-hour show features auditions from Los Angeles and Houston with Oscar Nunez and Angela Kinsey from The Office judging talent in Cali while Houston gets Neill Flynn from Scrubs and The Fresh Prince of Bel Air's own Alfonso Ribeiro, who looks like he has recently consumed Aunt Vivian #1 and Aunt Vivian #2. That's a timely celebrity selection, NBC. Rue McClanahan must have been busy.

We kick off the LA segment with the obligatory misfit montage and Bill Bellamy makes conversation with an odd, twitchy looking group of people who has been standing outside for days either to audition or, quite possibly, because they are homeless. Tip your waitress and follow me after the jump...

Possible Winner

It's Thursday, there's a giant illustrated microphone, and we know that means JOKES. This episode features auditions in San Francisco and Toronto, as well as the promise (or is it a threat?) to show the most explosive audition in the history of Last Comic Standing. From the ominous sound of the heart beating in the background, I assume it will involve either E.T. or Edgar Allen Poe.

Rap rap rap mothuhfu**a.

Welcome to this week's ep of Last Comic Standing, where Bill Bellamy breathlessly announces that this is the final week of US auditions. That means that they'll finally be opening this contest up to those zany Balkan comedians we all love! I just hope this doesn't bring an end to BillBells's city-themed costumes. For tonight's Nashville segment, he rocked a sequin shirt and cowboy hat and it made me wish that for the Minneapolis shows he would've dressed as a harsh, unyielding winter. That, or Diablo Cody.

Come on BillBell, you definitely have the rump to pull this off.

OK, so we're in Las Vegas to whittle the first group of 438 semi-finalists down to a more manageable 10. Five of them will come from tonight's show, the other four will be chosen next week during another two hour, eighteen Applebee's commercial episode.

Host Bill Bellamy describes tonight's program as "an international battle like we've never seen before" which, for some reason, makes me think of "Street Fighter II". I'm pretty sure Chun Li is more entertaining than some of these people, with or without the pigtails. Bill Bell comes onstage with a group of feather-and-wing wearing dancers and I'm immediately disappointed that he's not rocking the same costume. He is, however, wearing a jacket made of aluminum foil.

He launches into some jokes about Joan Rivers being old and Barry Manilow having plastic surgery and it has to be hard for the host to realize that he couldn't make it on his own show.

Tonight's judges are perpetually sunglassed Richard "Law Hearts Order" Belzer (who gets a standing ovation, probably for not coughing a lung out onto the audience) and Steve "I Was Never Invited to Pose on the DVD Box" Shirripa from The Sopranos.

And we're back for another round of auditions for the semi-finals. The eager-sounding voiceover reminds us that these comics are ready to compete tonight for comedy's biggest prize. Comedy's second biggest prize? A week headlining at Mr. Chucklepants' Comedy Hut, a Pizza Inn coupon, and a hotel bed that isn't full of dead moths.

Bill Bellamy saunters back out, still wearing the aluminum foil suit and unaware that he looks like the damn Tin Man. Accompanying him are--HOLY SHIT! CELEBRITY MIDGETS!

There is a Gene Simmons midget, an Elvis, and a Marilyn Monroe. I want to collect all three and let them stand in my garden. We have the same judges as we did last week, Richard "Tartar Buildup" Belzer and Steve "Where's My Neck" Schirrippa. Let's just go ahead and assume that both auditions were filmed in the same evening.

Tonight's episode of Last Comic Standing begins by introducing all twelve of this season's finalists. In case you have somehow forgotten their names or faces, here's Marcus doing a timely Gilbert Gottfried impression! Iliza wears another V-neck t-shirt! God's Pottery does something completely unentertaining and borderline creepy! Tonight, they'll be put through their first of a series of challenges and by the time the last NBC Olympics promo rolls, only ten comics will remain.

As Good Charlotte's "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" plays, the contestants are crammed into the official LCS short bus. Some of them are sitting in the aisles and I'm pretty sure that can't be up to code. They arrive at the Casa de Comedy, the Cribs-worthy house they'll be living in until they eventually get booted back to their un-airconditioned studio apartments.

When this week's episode begins, we're reminded that Iliza won last week's challenge with 68% of the vote, ridding the world of Papa CJ and Paul Foot, an act that should win her some kind of Congressional medal or at the very least, a commemorative plate from the Bradford Exchange. She tells us--and I'm paraphrasing--how awesome she is and I sincerely hope she doesn't smother everything she does onstage with a blanket of ego.

The boys are already afraid of her. Louis has gathered the other XYs around the kitchen table to try to make some sort of pact that they won't vote against her again because "the show is becoming about her". Gee Louis, maybe it's because she's talented and she's personally eliminated four comics like some kind of audience-baiting black widow spider. You probably should be afraid of her.