Marcus and his many impressions--including but not limited to Christopher Walken, Adam Sandler, Eddie Murphy, and Jack Nicholson--told "All Dogs Go To Heaven But Grandpa Didn't." The girls wonder if all of those people are trapped inside his head think his impressions are funny but still "like Dark Meat Man", a nickname that is as racially sensitive as they come.
The girls seem to be terrified of Jim which is understandable because he looks like a fetus wearing a hat. None of them laugh at all when they hear "Pretty People Always Get Their Way", the prequel to "And Sometimes Hugh Hefner Has Sex With Them".
"Daddy Loves Mommy, Mommy Loves Lattes" is what Jeff got stuck with. He named the latte Bridget and Bridget the Bunny was just delighted.
Hugh Hefner wanders onto the set, perhaps accidentally, and asks what was going on. He probably would've asked the same question even if the comics weren't there. I mean this very seriously--has he had a stroke? Because the only thing more painful than watching the girls try to comprehend a story was listening to him speak.
They can't decide immediately, but their favorites are Dark Meat (Ron G), "Tall Vanilla Latte" (Jeff) and "Tattoo" (Herve Villechaize Marcus). Eventually, they settle on Marcus, then return to their everyday tasks, things like Euclidean geometry, particle physics, and coloring books.
Bill decides to shake things up like a comic-filled snow globe. He tells them that they aren't going back to the cemetery, probably because they haven't finished burying Papa CJ. Instead everyone but the now-immune Marcus will be performing three minutes of comedy in the final showdown and America is going to vote to "decide their fate". Iliza laments that this is "exhausting" and I totally feel for her.
After 829 commercials, they recap EVERYTHING THAT HAS HAPPENED IN THE FIRST HOUR. This show is always 50% too long. Jeff says that he "really wants to win". Iliza reveals that she's doing a brand new set. She's also wearing a crew-neck shirt instead of a v-neck, which could be a "Bill Belichick switching to a red hoodie for the Superbowl"-type of bad wardrobe decision. Sean--who gets more face-time on this show than anyone--is warbling about something but I'm too busy focusing on the fact that he looks EXACTLY like the offspring that would result if Will Ferrell actually mated with John C. Reilly.
We're at the final showdown and Adam "Semi-Hot" Hunter is up first. He riffs on being "so broke you combine food that shouldn't be combined", like Captain Crunch and Red Bull. Um, who SAID they can't be combined? He talks about doing mushrooms and having sex until "her vagina started barking" at him, which made me laugh. He threw out a couple of political jokes that got a meh reaction, but other than that, it was solid. If he doesn't make the cut, I'm blaming his GIANT PIT STAINS.
Iliza and an unfortunate pair of skinny jeans is next. She breaks out her new jokes, bits about girls who hate each other and best friends who call each other names. She followed up with finding out you have "one friend that gets creepy when they get drunk" who says things like "I had a crush on you in high school but now I want you dead". And to close--something that's becoming her trademark--doing a joke that involves a funny walk. John Cleese would be proud.
Sean Cullen is ridiculous. He is using a bizarre, unplaceable accent that doesn't sound Canadian. He opens with something about making little pants for animals and then says he's written a song for the farmers because he thinks that he's John Cougar Mellencamp. Aaaand now he's singing. Aaaand now, somewhere, there's a cruise ship talent director who is frantically searching for Sean's number. First, the positives: this song sounds like it could've been written by Barenaked Ladies. And the negatives: this song sounds like it could've been written by Barenaked Ladies.
I spent the next three minutes wondering who pressed Jim Tavare's suit. There's no way it made it from England to LA looking that pristine. He plays his bass, does jokes about committing suicide, and when the camera cuts to the crowd, half of them are entertained, the other half look like they're watching a Discovery Channel documentary on the history of mulch.
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Comments (1)
Eliza took a big risk - according to her competition - by using mostly untried jokes in her act... but she did really well. she's in, for sure.
She, Louis and Tatoo are my picks to take the coveted title. Anyone else would be an upset, IMO.
1 of 1 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on July 28, 2008 7:37 PM