If I told you 5 + 5 = 12, would you believe me? What if I told you tonight's group of winners is even unfunnier than last week's group? Would you believe me then? Of course you would. This is Last Comic Standing, after all. The reality show where comics are advanced not based on their actual comedic chops, but rather their demographic appeal and potential for bringing drama. Don't believe me? I've got two words for you: Stel La.
Anthony Clark comes out to introduce the show, which once again is held in the historic Alex Theatre. I guess I shouldn't be surprised it's in the same theatre, because it's actually the same night as last week's show, which became apparent when the comics from last week came out wearing the same clothes as last week. Unless the producers went all Survivor Results Show on us and made sure the contestants looked exactly the same as the last time we saw them. Nah, that's giving the producers of this show too much credit. Let's not forget they're the same people who foisted Dat Phan on us. Of course, to their credit, even they seem to have realized what an unfunny tool he is, and now refer to him simply as He Who Cannot Be Laughed At.
Anyway, producers cue the theme song! It's time to get our chuckle on...
Tonight's first comic is Gabriel Iglesias. He's fat. So of course he tells a story about eating donuts. After leaving a Krispy Kreme, he gets pulled over by a cop. Cop? Donut? Bet you know where this is going, don't you... Not so fast, buckaroo, because instead of the expected "cops love donuts" punch line, Gabriel reflects on the trauma of being anally raped with the cop's nightstick. Jeez, one comic in and it's already a Very Special Episode of Last Comic Standing. Okay, not really. He made the donut joke. But mine would've been a lot funnier.
Coochie-coochie-coo!
Kristin Key is skinny. So skinny, in fact, she says a guy once said having sex with her was like humping a bag of coat hangers. It's a good line, but I don't know if it's enough to get her into the house. (Incidentally, we find out later the house is actually a boat. That's right, the contestants will be staying on the Queen Mary. If only Ant were on this year. I'm sure he'd have seamen jokes coming out of his ass.)
Moody McCarthy talks about music, telephones and computers, but to be honest I was so distracted by his ginormous ears that I didn't notice whether he was funny or not. Since this is Last Comic Standing, the same show that gave us Buck Star and Gary Gulman, I'm gonna guess not.
Up next is Ty Barnett, who opens with some Hurricane Katrina humor. From there he compares the federal government with a pimp, which I totally agree with, as I seem to get bitch-slapped every year on April 15th. He could make the cut.
Shupershtar!
Nikki Payne reminds me of a lispier Molly Shannon. The first time I saw her (Nikki, not Molly), she annoyed the crap out of me, but tonight she was a little better. Of course, that's like saying my B-cup set of bitch-tits is better than EdHill's C-cup pair. Either way, they're still bitch-tits. But whatevs. She ends her set by wrapping duct tape all over herself. When Kathy Griffin asks how she gets the tape off, Nikki says she pulls it. And it hurts. All in all, Nikki puts together a good set, but since we already picked the CP guy last week (or earlier tonight, depending on your perspective), she doesn't have a chance.
Malik S. starts off talking about voodoo, which leads into a riff on high gas prices. He's not bad, but he's not great either. He does make me wonder if I should change my stage name to Copy G., however.
Brendan Walsh regales us with tales of his awkward high school years, including how he nicknamed his penis "Sasquatch," because nobody ever saw it. I was expecting him to make a "Big Foot" joke, but maybe that's too obvious. He also talks about female teachers having sex with their students, which, as you'd expect if you saw him, he's in favor of.
Josh McDermott delivers a nice bit about "catch and release" fishing, which quickly veers into strangeland when he talks about shooting his girlfriend. I like this guy.
What stinks? Oh, my jokes.
Next we see Bruce Fine, who I believe is a stunt double on Little People, Big World. His bit about eating free samples in the grocery store is funny, but I don't think he's tall enough to ride the boat.
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Comments (33)
In the event you forgot why you are going to hell:
"Shupershtar"
MYL
1 of 33 | Posted by Madeyoulaugh
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Posted on June 15, 2006 2:48 PM
The only one who actually made me laugh, Doug Benson, wasn't picked. Considering how crappy the other contestants were, I probably won't watch the show anymore.
2 of 33 | Posted by Clair
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Posted on June 15, 2006 2:49 PM
There is way more talent on this site than on that show. Bleech ~
hb
3 of 33 | Posted by HoneyBunny
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Posted on June 15, 2006 3:42 PM
I vote for Honey Bunny as Last Comic Standing!
Didja see the last pan shot of the finalists? It was the perfect demographic split for TV Land: Here's your Hispanic, your Black male, your handicapped person, your, um, short person, your Preggo...
It's as if they had a checklist to fill...
4 of 33 | Posted by whawha
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Posted on June 15, 2006 4:14 PM
Doug Benson got robbed! He was the funniest of this group. Stella was funny in the initial round, but was awful this time. I was happy this show came back, but now I'm having second thoughts....
5 of 33 | Posted by jules
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Posted on June 15, 2006 4:43 PM
What's up with picking the two extra comics from just last nights group?
There was at least 4 people funnier from last week than anyone from this week.
Since we know that it was all filmed in the same night. It wasn't like the group from last week wasn't still there.
6 of 33 | Posted by blueline
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Posted on June 15, 2006 4:49 PM
Bill Dwyer is also the current host of the current version of "I've Got A Secret" on the Game Show Channel. Doesn't this qualify him as a "professional?"
7 of 33 | Posted by boomersmommy
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Posted on June 15, 2006 5:32 PM
Thank you for telling us which show that Bil Dwyer was on before. I kept looking at him and thinking that I'd seen him before. Not that I've ever watched Battlebots, but watching TV with my hubby is like watching every channel zoom by in a blur anyway, so I may have.
8 of 33 | Posted by chick110
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Posted on June 15, 2006 5:33 PM
Oh, yeah, and he was one of the commentators on Dodge Ball. Guess I spend too much time with GSN.
9 of 33 | Posted by boomersmommy
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Posted on June 15, 2006 5:37 PM
Boo. Doug Benson was my favorite. I don't care that he's on other shows, if you kick ass, you kick ass.
Seriously, ALL of those girls that are in the house are horrible comics. Not one made me laugh. Double boo.
10 of 33 | Posted by tikilights
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Posted on June 15, 2006 5:53 PM
I have to agree: Doug Benson was the best last night. I thought if Bill Dwyer could make it through, he would be a shoo-in.
They picked some horrible people last night. The same last week... I don't know if I can watch it anymore.
On a side note, I forgot that Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares and Bad Lads Army was on last night! I got to tape the last 40 minutes of Bad Lads Army. I really like these two shows on BBC America!
11 of 33 | Posted by augustburns2
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Posted on June 15, 2006 6:56 PM
I have to agree: Doug Benson was the best last night. I thought if Bill Dwyer could make it through, he would be a shoo-in.
Remember, Bill Dwyer was on MTV's The 70's House. http://www.tv.com/mtvs-the-70s-house/show/38881/summary.html
They picked some horrible people last night. The same last week... I don't know if I can watch it anymore.
On a side note, I forgot that Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares and Bad Lads Army were on last night! I got to tape the last 40 minutes of Bad Lads Army. I really like these two shows on BBC America!
12 of 33 | Posted by augustburns2
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Posted on June 15, 2006 6:59 PM
I also thought Doug Benson was the funniest. But, amazingly, being funny is not what this show is about. "The reality show where comics are advanced not based on their actual comedic chops, but rather their demographic appeal and potential for bringing drama." You nailed that one, copygodd. Personally I don't mind the professionals because at least than you see comics and not people who think they're comics. I'll probably still watch but only if reruns of shows I hated the first time aren't on.
13 of 33 | Posted by zevonia
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Posted on June 15, 2006 7:41 PM
wouldn't it be better if this show was set up like a Yo Mamma battlethon instead of having stupid tasks every week? I'm just going to tune in to final two. boo
get on the dane train!!
14 of 33 | Posted by IrideBlimp
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Posted on June 15, 2006 7:46 PM
Count the Svan as another who was disgusted with the pics. Probably won't watch another show.
15 of 33 | Posted by The Svan
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Posted on June 15, 2006 8:36 PM
I just finished watching it on Tivo... they sure know how to pick The Worst Comics Standing. The show definitely has fallen off my list of things to watch.
16 of 33 | Posted by Double L
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Posted on June 15, 2006 11:00 PM
I have to agree I was outraged when Doug Benson didn't make it through, there is no way you can say that he has more of a career than Bill Dwyer and he was the funniest of the lot. I also really liked the guy from Arizona any time you can say "I'll shoot a girl" and get a laugh out of it you're doing something right.
Stella is terrible I nearly wept openly when she made it. Of all the finalists I only like Gabriel Igleasias, although he too has had a half hour special on Comedy Central. And the guy that compared the government to a pimp. I'll keep watching but thats only because I love the art of stand up comedy and there are still a few stand up comics on the show.
17 of 33 | Posted by wniffene
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Posted on June 16, 2006 7:28 AM
Stella ... WTF indeed.
Last Episode Watching.
18 of 33 | Posted by TexasK
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Posted on June 16, 2006 8:25 AM
Last Comic Standing needs a new rule: If you have been on VH1's "Best Week Ever" or any of their other shows(I love the 80s,etc), you are disqualified. You already are on the scene. This is for newer comics who don't have their own UPN sitcom, or who haven't been on Best Week Ever, etc.
19 of 33 | Posted by BigTeebo
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Posted on June 16, 2006 10:09 AM
Whoever said Stella was funny the first time theyy saw her is crazy caus eshe used the EXACT JOKE. I do like Kriston though. I'll likely still watch, on ly cause I absolutely LOVE John Heffron, the winner from the 2nd season.
20 of 33 | Posted by cansnuts
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Posted on June 16, 2006 11:08 AM
Wow, who knew this series could get worse?
21 of 33 | Posted by scamboogah
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Posted on June 16, 2006 11:40 AM
chris porter should sail thru to the end.
22 of 33 | Posted by bluesmith
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Posted on June 16, 2006 11:48 AM
This show could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.
That's how hard it sucks.
It's unfunny is the point I'm trying to convey.
23 of 33 | Posted by Cantstandya
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Posted on June 16, 2006 12:30 PM
What more could you want from a houseful of comics but a group that can make you politely chuckle until your sides hurt?
I actually like Kristin Key, and of the seven who went through from that group it should be a cakewalk for her to the final two against Josh Blue.
24 of 33 | Posted by Tabby Lavalamp
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Posted on June 16, 2006 2:43 PM
"If only Ant were on this year. I'm sure he'd have seamen jokes coming out of his ass." That's why I love you, Copy G.
Doug Benson should have made it through. He was by far the funniest of the night. "A baby ate my dingo." Come on, that's comic gold!
The only ones I like now are Josh Blue and the Willy Wonka guy. If those two get kicked off, I'll definitely stop watching.
25 of 33 | Posted by Pie
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Posted on June 16, 2006 3:33 PM
"[T]he Willy Wonka guy"
Really? The guy with the tired French-bashing jokes?
26 of 33 | Posted by Tabby Lavalamp
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Posted on June 16, 2006 4:59 PM
copygodd, it's indeed a wreck of trains. the only reason i'll watch is so i get all the luscious wonderfulness of the recaps. thank you for your sacrifice :)
27 of 33 | Posted by GirafficPark
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Posted on June 17, 2006 10:13 PM
At least this show is marginally funnier than Tourgasm on HBO. Wow...Dane Cook is lame.
"So I was working at Burger King..."
[dramatic pause]
"Burger King sucks."
{Lots of raucous frat boy laughter in the audience...tons of five fives and Dog Pound fists]
Yeesh!
28 of 33 | Posted by whawha
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Posted on June 18, 2006 12:25 PM
whawha: I agree ~ Yeesh!
hb
29 of 33 | Posted by HoneyBunny
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Posted on June 18, 2006 3:23 PM
dane cook is way overrated. the only reason to watch tourgasm is for robert kelly.
giraffepark, "sacrifice" is my middle name. (of course, "human" is my first.)
30 of 33 | Posted by copygodd
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Posted on June 18, 2006 8:12 PM
I actually saw Chris Porter live several years ago, and he was truly hilarious.
31 of 33 | Posted by Substance
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Posted on June 19, 2006 8:27 AM
Nikki Payne didn't make it to the boat??
No. Noooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!
32 of 33 | Posted by dredge
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Posted on June 19, 2006 8:59 AM
how bad is Stella? She's so bad that I would be willing to trade her for the belly baring blonde in the jean jacket from the casting call whose act consisted of yelling "woo-hoo" and pumping her fist in the air. at least her fashion faux pas would be entertaining. and she probably uses her own last name. Somehow I don't see "stella" measuring up to the likes of Madonna, Prince, and the Pope.
whether or not he already has a career, Doug Benson absolutely killed! Tim Meadows was falling out of his chair.
33 of 33 | Posted by opus
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Posted on June 19, 2006 10:35 AM