Aw, who gives a shit. Really. Over in the forums, there's been a total lack of outcry over the lateness of my LCS recap. And it's the friggin' season finale! Zoobabe even went so far as to offer to let me use her recap to save myself the trouble of having to sit through the last two episodes. And when Zoobabe offers to do something nice for me, you know the show ain't worth watching.
That, or the Seventh Seal's done been busted...
I wish I had an excuse for the lateness of this recap, ala Umnata's recent mea culpa, but the truth is the finale just plain sucked. Even harder than the regular season did. It took me this long just to work up my blood-alcohol level to the point where I could watch it, let alone recap it.
Fortunately, my TiVo didn't record Tuesday's episode, so all I have to recap is Wednesday's season finale, which pitted Josh Blue, he of the cerebral palsy and bad hair, against Ty Barnett, he of the laid-back delivery and bad hat. (In case you care, Chris Porter, my favorite, was eliminated after Tuesday night's head-to-head-to-head.)
Heresy!
Josh and Ty actually battled it out Tuesday night; tonight's show is just to announce the winner. Which means we have to sit through 90 minutes of bad recaps and badder standup to find out which mediocre comic is less mediocre than the other. Looks like I picked the right week not to quit sniffing glue.
Hey, looks like I picked the right week not to quit amphetamines too, as they really helped me get through Anthony's recap of the entire season up to this point. I'll spare you the details, as I'm sure you want to get to the end of this final recap as much as I do.
Comedy isn't pretty.
In the meantime, while Anthony's recap is going on, I'm going to tell you something I've kept to myself all of these years. I was in the war, Medical Corps. One night they brought in a badly wounded pilot from one of the raids. He looked at me and said, "copygodd, the odds were against us up there, but we went in anyway. I'm glad. Captain made the right decision."
That pilot's name was George Zip. (Yes, the George Zip.)
He went on to say, "copygodd, some time when your readers are up against it, and the breaks are beating the boys, tell 'em to get out there and give it all they've got. And win just one for the Zipper. I don't know where I'll be then copygodd," he said. "But I won't smell too good, that's for sure."
Might as well jump!
Hey, looks like Anthony's recap is over. Yay Red Bull and crank!
Here's the lineup for the rest of tonight's show: Dat Phan. John Heffron. Alonzo Bodden. And Jay Mohr. I'm so happy, I could shit. Although that could just be the chili we made for dinner.
Anthony introduces the two remaining comics: "You love him, Josh Blue." And "the baller, the shot-caller, Ty Barnett." Why doesn't Josh get a cool nickname? It's because he's white, isn't it?
Anthony Clark is such a racist.
Crazy-Eyes Killah.
Great, it's time for a recap of the audition episodes. Actually, it is kinda great. I can't believe some of these people didn't make the show. Surely they had better material than Joey Gay.
More recaps of the comics' time together on the Queen Mary. We did get to see Josh and Kristin play "Crotch Ball" so it wasn't a total waste of time.
Anthony says he heard a rumor that the ship was haunted, and that something happened there that nobody has seen until now. I wonder if he has footage of Stella making someone laugh? Nope, just a lame séance skit. The dude running the séance can't even do a good fake table bump. Maybe instead of trying to contact a dead girl, they should try to resurrect my interest in this show. Nah, they'll have better luck talking to the dead chick...
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Comments (17)
Didn't Josh used to play Blair's cousin on [i]Facts of Life[/i]? He wasn't very funny then, either.
1 of 17 | Posted by Ubiquitous
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Posted on August 14, 2006 7:11 AM
Never having seen this show, I scored tix to see Dat Phan. The beautiful wife-dub is Vietnamese, so I thought she'd get a kick out of a comic with similar life experience.
Let's just say the only "kick" that night was the kick to my groin for taking her to see a wholly unfunny act.
he's pathetic.
2 of 17 | Posted by sg-dub
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Posted on August 14, 2006 7:16 AM
Thank God this show is done. I am going to ignore it next season. The ratings must be terrible, will it come back? Uggh.
3 of 17 | Posted by Memememe
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Posted on August 14, 2006 8:43 AM
America's Guilt - 1
Common Sense - 0
4 of 17 | Posted by Madeyoulaugh
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Posted on August 14, 2006 9:04 AM
aw cgodd- your recap was...good. Sorry you had to sit through it all. I'd call dibs on season 5, but I doubt there's gonna be one.
5 of 17 | Posted by zoobabe
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Posted on August 14, 2006 9:30 AM
"...good."
thanks, zoobabe. coming from somone who considers gary gulman to be the pinnacle of comedic genius, that means a lot. ;-)
6 of 17 | Posted by copygodd
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Posted on August 14, 2006 10:19 AM
Thanks for being committed enough to recap the finale, copygodd. It shows real dedication to your craft and I appreciate it. I probably laughed more times while reading this than anyone ever did while watching the show.
zoobabe, while I applaud your initiative in wanting to take over the recaps, I wouldn't want you to neglect any animals for a show so unworthy of anyone's talent. Though I would look forward to reading your recaps, here's hoping they DON'T do another season. Please, people, give the production money to a worthy charity!
7 of 17 | Posted by zevonia
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Posted on August 14, 2006 12:11 PM
zevonia,how about a worthy charity that has NOTHING to do with cerebral palsy?
copygodd, thanks for putting yourself through the agony of watching for us.
8 of 17 | Posted by RealityMonkey
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Posted on August 14, 2006 12:53 PM
hey cg - Wow, you really DID recap this show...
hb
9 of 17 | Posted by HoneyBunny
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Posted on August 14, 2006 1:08 PM
Copygodd ~ Bravissimo!!! Your recap had me LOL'ing and spewing various beverages out my nose and all OVER my computer monitor. "Does this head make me look fat?" Comedy GOLD!
I liked the random tangents you went on mid-recap. Way to fill up the contractual 2 page recap minimum that J-Unit so strictly enforces. For the 5th Season, can't the TVGasm intern write it? S/He obviously has enough time on his/her hands if he/she/it is playing SIMS in the office.
It's funny - not in a humorous way but in a LCS way - that I even caught this finale. I think "Animal Cops: Detroit" must've been a rerun. For the 2 or 3 out there who saw it, was anyone else disappointed that when the host announced the winner, he rushed through "Last Comic Standing" instead of drawing it out as if it were a proclamation from the Gods as he has done in every other episode I saw (okay, the 2 other episodes)?
^ Wow, my rhetorical question was a lot like the "jokes" told on this show: long, rambling, and pointless. My brain is melting!
10 of 17 | Posted by subgenre
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Posted on August 14, 2006 7:31 PM
Thank you, CG, for taking one for the team! :)
11 of 17 | Posted by subgenre
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Posted on August 14, 2006 7:35 PM
when i posted it this morning, i wasn't sure if this recap was any good or not. but after re-reading it just now, i've decided it was pretty funny. way funnier than the actual episode. of course, that could just be my drunken irish side typing.
and thanks, subgenre, for noticing my little tangents. bonus points to anyone who can name the movies they're from.
12 of 17 | Posted by copygodd
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Posted on August 14, 2006 8:54 PM
Your recap was, indeed, funnier that the actual show.
I was eating some pizza and learning about Cuba before I read your "Fast Times" dating advice. THANK YOU!
Now, if I could only have a pool to look out over....What? I do? Righteous!
13 of 17 | Posted by Ed
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Posted on August 15, 2006 12:46 AM
Did they ever fix that unfortunate makeup problem with the host? I swear every time I happen to catch this show in passing that guy looked like a white-faced circus clown!
14 of 17 | Posted by Ubiquitous
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Posted on August 15, 2006 3:58 AM
The George Zip thing is from Airplane; Ridgemont High has already been id'd...
Here's a shame--WTF is it with this show?! Humor is our last bastion; are we shit outta that, too? I guess I'll just sit here and wait for the four horsemen (of Biblical, not BB fame) to show up...
15 of 17 | Posted by Bobbie
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Posted on August 15, 2006 6:11 AM
I was a Chris Porter fan myself. Roz made me sorta happy too. Since neither of them made the final 2, I felt like Ty should have taken it, considering that his last few onstages have been much better (and less reliant on disability and/or dead air while waiting for people to laugh) than Josh's. I'm all for the underdog winning, but he has to earn it. Josh didn't in my book. Eh. This is the first, and likely only, season I have seen.
16 of 17 | Posted by jennae
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Posted on August 15, 2006 1:32 PM
jennae said, "Eh. This is the first, and likely only, season I have seen."
Seasons past of this show have been so bad that she can't even remember if she saw them or not.
17 of 17 | Posted by subgenre
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Posted on August 15, 2006 6:39 PM