¡No Mas! - 
by copygodd
Aw, who gives a shit. Really. Over in the forums, there's been a total lack of outcry over the lateness of my LCS recap. And it's the friggin' season finale! Zoobabe even went so far as to offer to let me use her recap to save myself the trouble of having to sit through the last two episodes. And when Zoobabe offers to do something nice for me, you know the show ain't worth watching.
That, or the Seventh Seal's done been busted...
I wish I had an excuse for the lateness of this recap, ala Umnata's recent mea culpa, but the truth is the finale just plain sucked. Even harder than the regular season did. It took me this long just to work up my blood-alcohol level to the point where I could watch it, let alone recap it.
Fortunately, my TiVo didn't record Tuesday's episode, so all I have to recap is Wednesday's season finale, which pitted Josh Blue, he of the cerebral palsy and bad hair, against Ty Barnett, he of the laid-back delivery and bad hat. (In case you care, Chris Porter, my favorite, was eliminated after Tuesday night's head-to-head-to-head.)
Heresy!
Josh and Ty actually battled it out Tuesday night; tonight's show is just to announce the winner. Which means we have to sit through 90 minutes of bad recaps and badder standup to find out which mediocre comic is less mediocre than the other. Looks like I picked the right week not to quit sniffing glue.
Hey, looks like I picked the right week not to quit amphetamines too, as they really helped me get through Anthony's recap of the entire season up to this point. I'll spare you the details, as I'm sure you want to get to the end of this final recap as much as I do.
Comedy isn't pretty.
In the meantime, while Anthony's recap is going on, I'm going to tell you something I've kept to myself all of these years. I was in the war, Medical Corps. One night they brought in a badly wounded pilot from one of the raids. He looked at me and said, "copygodd, the odds were against us up there, but we went in anyway. I'm glad. Captain made the right decision."
That pilot's name was George Zip. (Yes, the George Zip.)
He went on to say, "copygodd, some time when your readers are up against it, and the breaks are beating the boys, tell 'em to get out there and give it all they've got. And win just one for the Zipper. I don't know where I'll be then copygodd," he said. "But I won't smell too good, that's for sure."
Might as well jump!
Hey, looks like Anthony's recap is over. Yay Red Bull and crank!
Here's the lineup for the rest of tonight's show: Dat Phan. John Heffron. Alonzo Bodden. And Jay Mohr. I'm so happy, I could shit. Although that could just be the chili we made for dinner.
Anthony introduces the two remaining comics: "You love him, Josh Blue." And "the baller, the shot-caller, Ty Barnett." Why doesn't Josh get a cool nickname? It's because he's white, isn't it?
Anthony Clark is such a racist.
Crazy-Eyes Killah.
Great, it's time for a recap of the audition episodes. Actually, it is kinda great. I can't believe some of these people didn't make the show. Surely they had better material than Joey Gay.
More recaps of the comics' time together on the Queen Mary. We did get to see Josh and Kristin play "Crotch Ball" so it wasn't a total waste of time.
Anthony says he heard a rumor that the ship was haunted, and that something happened there that nobody has seen until now. I wonder if he has footage of Stella making someone laugh? Nope, just a lame séance skit. The dude running the séance can't even do a good fake table bump. Maybe instead of trying to contact a dead girl, they should try to resurrect my interest in this show. Nah, they'll have better luck talking to the dead chick...
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