So, the first gift Shayne bestows upon us tonight is sticking her head in a vase and walking around the house. I can't even call her mildly retarded, cause a vase on the head always gives me a good laugh. What can I say? Actually, perhaps there is a good reason for the vase-head thing, but I miss the first ten seconds so I don't know.

Her moth head will grow into a slightly less tiny butterfly head.

Shayne is on her way out for the night. Little sis Dakota is jealous - it sucks to not be 21, she tells us. Isn't the little sis like, seventeen? At first I think a teenager bemoaning the under 21 thing is maybe a little fast? And then I remember that when I was a teenager, it was just easier to get into bars. Also, the nine hundred year old bartender at The Flying Dutchman in Cornfield, New Jersey was probably a little easier to trick than the designer-clad, headset-wearing doormen that guard the trendy clubs of LA.

Except, Shayne is not going to a trendy club in LA. She's going to Area. Really? That spot was old a year ago when the Real World Hollywood was going there. Oh, the memories. Remember when Brianna the Stripper kicked some guys ass outside of Area? Something tells me we're not going to get the same action out of our Shayne Doll. Sure enough, she sits down with her besties Am-ber and Ta-ra (imagine me sing-songing that, cause that's what I did when I wrote it) and ever so creatively informs us that she's "single and ready to mingle!"

And it doesn't take her long to spot a hottie who looks uncomfortably like Lorenzo - turns out, they're star crossed lovahs who've met in the past, but he didn't get her number. "What shoes are you wearing?" she quizzes him, "Where did you go to college?" I can't think of two better questions. In my world at least, Shayne's maybe not so stupid after all.

Uh, where'd YOU go to college, biatch?

She sits down with her Daddy issue, and tells him she thinks he's got a lot of girls. "How can I prove that I want to be here?" he asks her. Why, by letting Shayne stick her tongue down your throat! Way to make him work for it, honey. And really, he's a heavily tanned dude hanging out at a defunct Hollywood nightclub with a Z-list starlet and a camera crew. That's your proof right there. Where else would he want to be? Bet you none of his other alleged girls have reality shows.

Then she grabs him, tells him she thinks she likes him and then tongues him some more. The next day, he calls and she tells him to come over and she'll cook for him. Are you kidding me? Last week, she couldn't work the microwave, this week she's Martha Stewart (love!)? I am certain she's going to just order take out and practice her acting skills by saying she cooked it.

But that night, it's a date with Dad! Shayne and Lorenzo are going to some charity event. He picks her up at the house, and chivalrously yells from outside for her to come out. He tells us he needed a date, and he's always had a good relationship with Shayne. Meanwhile, hot brother AJ Lamas observes his ex-mistress's ex-husband / Dad from upstairs on a balcony. It's very stalker-y.

Now I have to hit on my sister to get back at Dad. Damn this is getting scary.

The most interesting thing about the ride over is that Lorenzo is upset that his car is dirty, so he runs it through the automatic car wash at the Shell station and hey, I do that! Whenever there's a valet sitch and I haven't had time to have the car properly detailed. See - stars are just like us! Also, they're talking about Lorenzo's love life, or lack of one, and Shayne says that she's going to find him a date. Look no further, I say. Lorenzo and I seem to have the same car washing philosophy - I don't have any plastic body parts yet, but I still really think it could work.

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Posted in Leave it to Lamas by ChickBomb at 11:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Last Comment: itchy on Oct 23, 2009 02:25 PM.