And now, for Part Two of our fascinating character study of the Lamaii.
This pretty much sums it up. A grown woman with fake everything on an eight year old's bike.
Shayne is taking a motorcycle test, and is naturally practicing on a beach cruiser. She doesn't know her hand signals, and almost gets run over by plastic Michelle in her Beemer. Michelle's decked out in some more classic Lamas fashion, another black fedora only this one goes with a black suit with nothing underneath. "Mom, you look like Britney Spears right now," Shayne tells her.
Right after Kevin left.
Then Shyane meets Lorenzo for lunch, and he pulls up on his motorcycle in his little motorcycle outfit. And I'm sorry, but I've never been a big fan of head bandanas on a guy, much less ones with flames on them. Omigod, Bret. What am I saying? The look is fabulous. He tells Shayne how excited he is to take her to Sturgis, which she tells us is somewhere in some Dakota, and he tells her is "where chicks go to see and be seen - like Vegas!" Okay, one of them doesn't know what the hell they're talking about and for once it's not the blonde.
Lorenzo drops Shayne off at the house on his bike, and AJ watches like the stalker he is. AJ makes fun of Lorenzo, and the little sister tells him he's totally going to end up as Renegade 2. We can only hope! That's actually a brilliant idea. Wasn't Shauna Sand on Renegade? Wait a minute, that stupid Hamlet shirt AJ's always wearing suddenly makes an awful lot of sense. Meanwhile, Shayne is making plans for the Sturgis thing. Lorenzo has offered to let her invite a friend, and she asks her bestie Amber. Amber's the most fun, Shayne tells us. "The other night, she came over with dresses and vibrators!" she giggles. Well, well Shayne. That's a whole different kind of fun but it sounds kind of hot.
Sons of Hagarchy
And then it's time to pack for the trip to Sturgis. Shayne puts together an outfit of sparkly hot pants, thigh high leather boots and leather jacket and practices all these porn-esque, "So, you wanna take me on your bike" type lines. I actually love the outfit. Poor little sis wants to go, but she's not invited cause she's underage. And I forgot the whole reason for the trip to Sturgis in the first place - Lorenzo has started a motorcycle line. I love it. I love the leap from liking to ride the things to a damn product launch.
Later that night, Shayne is having a private moment with her doggy when AJ comes over to ask about the trip. Now, Sturgis is all of the sudden in Montana, and Shayne thinks it's a ten hour flight. And the next day, we're in Sturgis, which is ultimately determined to be in some Dakota. And presumably not a ten hour flight, although it's debatable whether or not Shayne can actually tell time so who knows. It's a lot of motorcycles and assless chaps. Shayne's prancing around, yelling about Lorenzo's new line of motorcycles, and all of the sudden she eats it. Trips face first on the curb. It's genius. "You okay, honey?" Lorenzo asks, slightly annoyed. "Someone saw my butt!" Shayne yells.
She tells us how embarrassed she is, and then proceeds to repeat the story of the fall to anyone who will listen. Did you see it, she asks everyone? "Why do you think I bought the shirt?" some ZZ Top type cracks. Accidentally eating pavement, my ass. That girl's a hustler. And Lorenzo probably told her to do it. Then he gives Shayne and her dopey friend Amber fifteen minutes to run around Sturgis. The girls are delighted and go skipping down the Harley lined streets in their pastel frocks. It reminds me of college and me and my little friends going to Daytona Bike Week. Lorenzo does the exasperated parent cluck to the watching crowd. "Anyone else got a daughter here? I'm worried about my little girl at bike week."
I think you're alone on that one.
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Comments (3)
Lorenzo Lamas is still an attractive man. However, I feel his predilection towards the pornstache greatly reduces its impact. Could we somehow start a write-in campaign?
1 of 3 | Posted by anicho01 | Posted on November 12, 2009 3:40 PM
What I really enjoy about your recaps is your obvious ambivalence toward this show (or the man).
On the one hand, you plainly recognize how ridiculous this show is and how ridiculous these people are.
On the other, you're clearly falling in love with the guy (I bet it's the porn mustache). Go on, admit it. Your heart beats quicker, your palms ooze with sweat and everytime you see him, you want to vomit.
Oh, wait. That's me. Well, the vomit part. I like Shayne though. I had a parakeet like her once upon a time.
But isn't there a Mr. Chickbomb? Maybe he goes along with it just for the assless chaps shots?
2 of 3 | Posted by itchy | Posted on November 12, 2009 11:47 PM
ChickBomb, the only reason I watched this show (once) is because I saw that you were recapping it. Much to my surprise, I'm almost hooked on the pornstache, the ridicuhotness, the surprisingly humorous deliveries by Renzo and AJ, and actually don't loathe Shayne. Who knew?
I wasn't hip to the AJ-stepmom dealio until now, and ewww. But AJ cracks me up just the same.
3 of 3 | Posted by mick | Posted on November 13, 2009 8:36 AM