I don't want to sound like a snob here (yes I do), but this is the first of many many many abuses of the term "literally" in this episode. And this is the least offensive. No, I don't believe that the stage is literally an obstacle course. It's literally a stage. If it were built as an obstacle course, then I'm sure at some point, someone in charge would've said, "Hey, where's the crew? They've screwed up and built an obstacle course instead of a stage. How are we supposed to perform on this? There are tires and ropes all over the place."
But anyway, then he tells the ladies to put on their new hideous boots because they are going to move practice outside to "the cobble-stoned streets of Brooklyn." Sounds kind of like a Renaissance Festival/Epcot Center kind of thing, no? Ye olde cobblestoned Brooklyn. Come feast on the King's bagels and frolic with the hipsters of the royal court.
As merry as this whole thing sounds, the ladies are less than pleased to be dancing in ye olde streets.
PLEASE SIR, I'M LITERALLY FREEZING MY ASS OFF.
Before the girls can go thinking this is some ridiculous stunt that MTV cooked up because dancing in a studio makes for lousy television, Denis assures them of the importance of the task at hand by reminding them that "The stage is covered with tracks that literally eat stilettos for lunch."
Really? There are tracks that literally eat stilettos for lunch. Denis, you are lucky I'm working on a computer that doesn't have photoshop right now or I'd show you what a stiletto-eating track looks like and I'm pretty sure you'd agree that your stage possesses no such creature.
The girls groan and moan and make their way through the dance steps. Emma comments that she was dancing in "possibly the most uncomfortable pink stiletto boots I've ever worn." To me this sounds like she's worn a lot of uncomfortable pink stiletto boots in her life. Sounds unusual, but hey, what do I know about theatre?
Indeed all of the girls seemed to share Emma's distaste for the day's rehearsal activities. Well...everyone except for Natalie. This girl was on fire, and just inches away from groping her own boobies the whole time.
UH-HUH. YA LIKE THAT?
In this audition process, practice is never just practice. It's always a little competition. And today the instructors had to find the best dancer of the group. They picked Natalie.
YEAH I KNOW
This is quite the turn of events, considering we've seen Natalie about .5% of the time this whole season. Or rather, she's around a lot, but we just tend to forget about her.
So Natalie chooses Rhiannon to go along with her on her reward outing. This time, it's a private yoga lesson with Kate Shindle, the actress who plays Vivian in the musical.
PRAYING TO THE YOGA GODS THAT THE NEXT REWARD IS JUST A NICE COLD BEER
This whole scene is a total snoozefest, so let's fast forward a bit.
Natalie and Rhiannon rejoin the rest of the girls to continue rehearsing the "Shake Your Junk" scene for the following day's audition. The rehearsal begins at 6:00. By 6:05, Cankles is telling Emma that she is so awful she is screwing everyone else up. And by 6:40, Denis decides to call it a day. He says, "I deliberately cut rehearsal short to challenge them."
BUT REALLY I JUST HAD THIS WICKED CRAVING FOR SOME PAD THAI
This sends the girls into a panic, and they all rush home to continue practicing. But before they can get too comfortable, they get a surprise late-night call sheet. A booty-call sheet, if you will.
And this is no ordinary list of instructions. This is a questionnaire for the girls to fill out together, asking "Who is the worst dancer?" "Who is the worst actor?" Etc.
Ah, brutality. I love it.
But these pansies don't care much for it. Rhiannon breaks into tears. "To ask this of us, especially after we've had such a rough day."
OH BOO HOO
Then, in the most pathetic move ever, Lauren sucks the air out of the room and draws all of the attention on herself. "I feel like you guys would put me down for every answer."
AND YOU ALL THINK I'M FAT. DON'T YOU? DON'T YOU?!
Just as I'm getting ready for some serious drama, and for Bailey to at last be insulting to someone's face, the whole gang downs some marshmallows and happy pills and decides to work together "in the spirit of Elle" to be Team Lovey Dovey and come up with positive twists on the questions. Instead of "worst dancer," now it's "most improved dancer."
Since when were euphemisms so welcomed?
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Comments (4)
I was in Hell's Kitchen the other night waiting for a friend to eat when Emma, Bailey, Natalie, and Celina walk in to the restaurant. The wait was really long, so they split. Surprisingly, Celina is really pretty and tall in person. I was pleasantly surprised. Emma, however, is short and busted looking. She looked really weird. Bailey and Natalie looked exactly how they look on tv. I wondered what they were doing there. When I told my friend, she speculated that they might have been the final four. Um, guess not!
Why does no one talk about how Natalie is Squiggy's daughter?!?!?? I love that fact.
1 of 4 | Posted by ReeseWitherspoon | Posted on July 3, 2008 1:16 PM
I love the fact that Natalie is Squiggy's daughter too! My guess is that most of the people who watch this show have no clue who that is.... whereas I am old enough to remember Laverne and Shirley before it went into reruns.
I loved the look on Lauren's face when Haylie called Bailey's name before hers at the end. I think they're editing out a bunch of the praise and other comments. I'm not a big fan of Bailey's (I find her to be a bit phony) but to me she is the only one who seems to be equally good at dancing, acting and singing. But I loved Natalie on this episode and can't wait to see her next week when she and Autumn get "blonded" in their makeover.
2 of 4 | Posted by murphena | Posted on July 3, 2008 2:12 PM
She's....gack....Squiggy's daughter? Oh man...it took me years to forget about that horrible show, years I tell you.
But it does explain the weirdness to her face. Although she looked pretty hot dancing this episode.
Emma's probably pissed off because she dropped so much coin having her hair made up to look exactly like Elle Woods. But I couldn't get past the dingy teeth and the frumpy body.
Bailey...pfft...typical self-righteous god-freak. Her performance was awkward, I thought.
3 of 4 | Posted by itchy | Posted on July 3, 2008 2:59 PM
Excellent recap - very entertaining, even though (or maybe because) I don't watch the show.
In the screencap of Natalie, I can see the resemblance to her father in the alignment of her upper row of teeth. (Of course, it also reminds me of the mechanical shark in Jaws.)
4 of 4 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on July 5, 2008 10:19 AM