But there are two more songs to deal with.
The second is "Positive," which features a big, involved dance section. Autumn's up first. And as she's made abundantly clear, dancing is the bane of her existence.
Though it wasn't dancing that went wrong first when she took her turn at this song. She started off singing "Diolence is never the answer" instead of the correct "Violence,is never..." Uh, whoopsie!
Still, she recovered fast and made it on to the dancing portion, where things quickly went wrong for her again.
HAS SHE EVER?
Bailey is the second to perform "Positive." She's just bursting with confidence because even if she can't sing, she knows she can dance! It's amazing the mediocrity these people will tolerate.
NO YOU'RE A LITTLE OFF TO ME
The third song of the audition is "So Much Better." And the trick to this one is hitting that last long note without your voice cracking or being off key.
Autumn pulls it off just fine because her voice is always fabulous. Bailey, on the other hand, sounds messed. But the judges completely ignore it because by this point they have decided she is a strong performer and has just what they're looking for.
Oh crap. She's going to win this thing isn't she? But she's just like that freaking girl in high school that had all the best clothes and the best hair and all the boys liked her. And nothing ever EVER went wrong for her. EVER.
Life is so unfair. Ask Autumn, she'll tell you all about it.
This is just turning into one big spoiler, eh folks? Ha! As if this whole thing isn't completely obvious. But there's still an unfathomable 10 minutes left in the show, so I guess I better not skip any of the gritty details (of which there are, like, zero).
With their performances all done, Autumn and Bailey take the stage to hear the judges critiques.
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?
I don't know why they even bother giving the girls their evaluations. There's nothing neither the winner nor the loser can do with the performance advice they're given. But I guess the judges just HAVE to hear themselves talk. And when they talk, they state the obvious: Autumn is a wonderful singer and Bailey is a wonderful dancer. Neither is the perfect combo of both (although once again I must ask, shouldn't the winner be both?).
Jerry says he wishes he could just push the girls together to make one super winner. And then Autumn and Bailey indeed try to see if they can mush themselves together. It fails.
HEY NOW!
The girls are dismissed so the judges can take a few minutes to pretend they're deliberating over who wins this thing even though it's pretty obvious who the winner will be.
They return to the stage, arm in arm and completely panicked. After way too much of a delay and some idle chit chat, the winner is announced.
It's Bailey!
I ALWAYS MAKE A DUCK FACE WHEN I'M HAPPY
She falls to her knees and gets up, then falls like half way, then gets up again. The whole time, Autumn is just trying to look happy for her and give her a big congratulatory hug so she can get her ass off the stage and go have a sobbing fit. Finally, Bailey acknowledges her former rival and gives her a nice big hug.
Normally, there's a moment post-elimination where the loser gets to say a few parting words. But this time Autumn just exits quietly. And is never heard from again.
The judges then direct Bailey to do her wildly unnecessary encore. It's time for "So Much Better" again. She launches into the tune. However, this time there is something different. The back up singers are all of the past contestants.
LIKE SO MANY GHOSTS
I know that in shows like this, loser contestants are often sequestered in hotel rooms until the remaining episodes are done taping so as not to slip info to the public. But it's just cruel to force these girls to participate in Bailey's Super Fabulous Encore just because they are MTV's prisoners.
Oh well. The show's over now. Congratulations, Bailey. I still don't much care for you, but it doesn't make a lick of difference because you've already been declared the winner. And right now as I type this, it's about 10pm New York time and you're wrapping up your big Broadway debut because I know you hit the stage July 23rd.
For some performers, it takes a lifetime of hard work, crappy apartments, waitressing jobs, and unbearable rejection. But that life just wasn't for you, eh, kiddo?
I BEAT THE SYSTEM!
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Comments (10)
i was rooting(sp?) for bailey the whole time! buttt my friend is in the show, and she said that baileys contract is only for 2 weeks! EEK!
1 of 10 | Posted by preppyboy | Posted on July 23, 2008 10:04 PM
I always watch this show on OnDemand so I'm always a week late with reading your recaps. HOWEVER!!! Last night a commercial came on for stupid, Inside Edition, where I was treated with the spoiler. I was devasted. However your recap has made me less upset because it was so funny.
I'm pissed Bailey won. I loved Autumn, but I know she just couldn't dance well enough. You will get you chance one day Autumn! I do find peace in knowing that Bailey's contract is only two weeks though. HAHA, but wait...does that mean that they are holding REAL auditions for the REAL next Elle Woods? Autumn this could be it!!
2 of 10 | Posted by MrsBojangles | Posted on July 24, 2008 5:14 AM
I really wanted Autumn to win but knew from the very beginning of the show that it would be Bailey.
I read that she had a 6 month contract but I'm wondering if they have a clause in there that after 2 weeks or so if ticket sales aren't good, they could replace her. Seems though that with all the training etc. they've probably done with her, they wouldn't want to start from scratch with someone totally knew.
3 of 10 | Posted by murphena | Posted on July 24, 2008 7:45 AM
Thanks so much for the recaps all season.
Just thought you (and everyone should know) that there is a silver (or is it pink) lining for the top 4.
Autumn has been cast in the ensemble on Broadway and will be Bailey's understudy.
Lauren will be the Elle understudy in the national tour (also in the ensemble)
and Rhiannon is going to be Margot (one of the three "greek chorus" members) in the national tour.
4 of 10 | Posted by hightemp | Posted on July 24, 2008 8:09 AM
I live in NY and I have friends who are with the show and said that there is a 2-week clause in her contract. Wouldn't that be funny if Bailey's p*ssy got the boot after two weeks, but Autumn stayed. Ha! Bailey does look good dancing, but there's just something about her that I don't like. I don't know what it is.
5 of 10 | Posted by ReeseWitherspoon | Posted on July 24, 2008 9:01 AM
Thanks for the recap! Your captions make my life, I love "I poisoned your muffin."
By the end of the season I liked Autumn more, even though I think she looked like an old soccer mom once they wigged her up. Seems like she might have the better deal anyway though! Yay Autumn!
6 of 10 | Posted by BaileyQuarters | Posted on July 24, 2008 10:48 AM
I just want to know where I can get one of those wonderful, wonderful robes.
7 of 10 | Posted by surviving myself | Posted on July 24, 2008 11:04 AM
Oh dear. Bailey's not gonna last 6 months in this production. No way. She's just not a strong enough singer or actor. She was actually technically the weakest actor throughout the whole thing (well, Cassie S. not included...) so it's kind of ridiculous to me that she won to begin with. If her voice was at least strong I would understand, but her singing is often off pitch and lacks power and finesse.
Ah well.
At least we know now that Autumn is in the Ensemble AND understudying for Bailey. Hopefully Bailey gets sick a LOT. And in case anyone here didn't know, Rhiannon has been cast in the touring production as Margot (the main Sorority sister), which is really the role she was right for to begin with, and Lauren is cast in the same production as understudy for Elle Woods. So hooray for the girls. At least it's evident now that the producers really DID want to recast the show and it wasn't all a complete publicity stunt.
8 of 10 | Posted by tzohar | Posted on July 24, 2008 12:36 PM
Anyone catch the look on Bailey's dad's face when she was doing those pelvic thrusts in the last song? I thought fire and brimstone would flash out of his eyes and scorch her right in the hoohaw.
You could just see him thinking: "Now where'd she learn about that?"
I prefer Autumn, think she's beautiful, like the spunky personality, great voice. Be interesting if she can make a career out of this. Maybe a few dance lessons.
I can't imagine Bailey doing much beyond this. Seems like there's plenty of her type of blonde out there.
9 of 10 | Posted by itchy | Posted on July 24, 2008 3:40 PM
I guess I feel better knowing that Autumn and some of the others still got cast.
I don't feel as good as I would if I just never bothered watching this show to begin with.
But still.
10 of 10 | Posted by hollywood sucker | Posted on July 25, 2008 11:22 AM