Nico is having wet dreams about her most recent tryst with Kirby when her husband wakes her up. Nico sits up in the wet spot and tries to put the moves on Blandy McDishwater since he's the nearest man but her husband says he already showered and she's a mess down there. The main reason he woke her up is so that she can take a look at her best friend Wendy's picture on Page Six.

"Damn, did you spill cantaloupe juice in the bed?"

Wendy's daughter is reading the article aloud at the breakfast table before Wendy tries to change the subject to something lighter like Nico's affair or daddy's unemployment. Wendy's daughter mentions how much she will be teased at school because of her mother's centerfold in the New York Post. The Post! For shame. Wendy's daughter mentions that she would be fine if she had a cell phone to call for help but Wendy won't let her get one because Wendy knows that she would spend all her time calling the David Archuletta hotline. Wendy's daughter reminds her mom that she can't just pick and choose when she wants to be a good mom, she has to keep it going on a regular basis like Brooke Shield's mom used to.

I've already decided that if he doesn't win, I'm going to adopt him.

Victory stumbles out of her limo covered in cigarette butts and semen to find her 9 AM interview waiting for her a half hour early. Victory ushers him inside and tries to start the interview while counting her birth control pills and wondering where she left her bra. The interviewee tells Victory that his father owns a large textile company somewhere in the Deep South judging by his fake accent, but he moved to New York to pursue his own career in fashion and to be able to stay out past 9 on a school night. While they talk Victory's phone rings and the interviewee, Josh, offers to answer it for her. Josh answers the phone to find Joe's, AKA Mr. Big-Lite's nappy headed ho of an assistant on the other end. She tells Josh that Joe is calling for Victory and there is a dramatic standoff where neither assistant will put their liege on the phone until the other person comes on the line. Josh wins this game of assistant chicken and Mr. Big-Lite comes on the line prompting Victory to hire Josh on the spot.

"According to your resume, you're looking at my cleavage."

Nico, Patty and Kirby are waiting for Prince William and setting up the shot by tastefully arranging the used condoms and fake toilet. Patty says she needs more urine soaked rags but Kirby is too distracted looking at Nico. Kirby offers to retrieve the items that Patty requested from the storage room and Nico offers to go "help" him. Downstairs Kirby pins Nico up against a window while he pleasures her orally, and not with a ring ding if you know what I mean. I mean he performed cunilingus. And by that, I mean he ate her out. After he's full, Nico comes down the stairs to see Hector and Mike waiting for the prince to arrive. Nico's hair is tossled, her lipstick smeared and she's walking with a distinct limp, which all makes Mike suspect something is up. When Kirby exits the office right after Nico, wiping his mouth and picking a curly blond hair from between his teeth, Mike realizes something is rotten in the state of Denmark.

That's the most action that cougar has seen since Donald Trump banged Leona Helmsley up against that very window.

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Posted in Lipstick Jungle by FozzieBare at 6:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Last Comment: couchpotato on Feb 28, 2008 03:29 PM.