Dear Gasmii,
This is our final week with our little darlings and the Little Miss Perfect pageant. It has been a wild and wacky adventure as we've watched Moms and their daughters dress themselves up and parade around the stage of various hotel conference rooms. I'll miss our weekly visits, but like any good thing, it must come to an end.
There is a little controversy connected to Michael Galanes and I've included that in this recap and there is also sort of a non-surprise in the pageant itself. You'll see, it will just make you scratch your head, nothing too earth shaking.
So grab a beer, mix a drink, light em up and smoke 'em if you got em'. It's time to join me on our final journey into the pageant zone. Please make sure your trays are in the upright and locked position, fasten your safety belts and away we go!!
As they say in the movie, "There's nothing dirty going on."
Let's meet this week's contenders.
First up is Amber. Amber is 10 and her Mom's name is Kris. Kris says that she has a pageant family. Her older daughter Cassidy has always been a star of pageants, she also has another daughter Ashley who is 13 years old.
Kris says that Amber doesn't have the natural grace that her sisters do, but pageants have helped all three daughters with their self-esteem. Amber would probably have more self-esteem if her mother would stop telling her she doesn't have natural grace and her sister Cassidy is the star of pageants.
She goes on to say "I don't have any self-esteem, I'm a doormat." It makes me wonder why she doesn't either do pageants or therapy? or at least develop a drinking problem. She could play "Bob" in the evening while watching "Nick-at-night". You know, drink a shot of beer every time someone says "Bob" on The Bob Newhart Show. If her self-esteem is as low as she says, it seems like she should have at least one vice.
Amber says the Little Miss Perfect pageant will be hard because there are a lot of big "glitz" kids in this pageant.
Just in case we have any newbies reading this week, Glitz is the term used to describe the worst aspects of kiddie pageants. Glitz means, wigs, false eyelashes, spray tans, earrings the size of Christmas tree decorations, dresses that are so overly embellished with pearls and beading they can stand on their own and colors found no where in nature, but abundantly found in psychedelic posters from the 70's. Just think little mini-country and western singers from the 70's, without the alcoholic ex-husband and three screaming kids under the age of four.
Next we meet our other featured girl. Her name is Sabrina and she is 9. Sabrina's Mom is Tracey. Sabrina says she has done about 200 pageants in the past 3 years. Tracey says Sabrina is a tomboy and she wants pageants to help make Sabrina a more well-rounded girl.
We see Sabrina in a very pretty big pink dress, while Mom is taking pictures for the pageant. This is a huge improvement over the professional pictures taken of other contestants these last few weeks where they were wearing a couple scarves clipped together or taped on them. Also the makeup doesn't look too bad and she is wearing her own hair. She almost looks like a little girl. I bet she'll get points taken off for that.
Better watch out Tracey, taking tasteful, natural pictures of your kid can only hurt you in this pageant.
Back to Amber.
Amber is going to her dance coach. They are getting ready for Amber's Wow Wear routine. Wow wear is the second part of the Little Miss Perfect pageant. It gives the contestants the chance to show their talents and to "wow" the judges.
Amber's routine is a dance routine that involves around 20 additional dancers. At one point two of the male dancers lift Amber up and carry her kind of like a scene from a bad Broadway show. I don't know if this is possible, but I think there is too much wow in Amber's routine.
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Comments (6)
I must say, it has occurred to me that these pageants are fixed. It seems like a lot of times, the judges criticize a girl and then she wins. Maybe the producers do that for suspense, but it makes it look fishy. And Michael always tallies up the score. Why can't the judges do that?
The girls this week were subpar, I'm sad to say. Poor little Amber and that production number that only Miss Liza Minnelli herself could live up to. I think Amber's mom thinks she is such a no-talent that she has to have 20 dancers to make her look talented. Where did she get those other kids? Why aren't they in the pageant? What about her other kids, are they retired or something?
(Sorry, too much caffeine, I guess.)
1 of 6 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on April 17, 2009 7:17 PM
Dear Annie:
What a great job you did covering this season. I've really enjoyed reading your recaps.
For some reason, this last episode just felt really sad, both for the little girls and their families. Not so much that neither made the final five, but that they were hooked into this bizarre world in the first place.
You didn't say what you were recapping next? I hope you're going to keep writing for the site, I think you're doing a really good job.
Hugs,
Yenta
2 of 6 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on April 19, 2009 9:36 AM
Annie, great job covering this season!
I must say, I'm going to miss our Man of Macaroni, Michael. He put the light in my loafers, the sparkle in my eye, the "ew, this is creepy" in my viewing habits. Peace, love and may no New York mothers attack you, Michael. You should have known better than to have let Yankees into the system, hon; everyone knows in the South the pageants are fixed. Part of the fun of pageants is getting to bitch about how fixed they are after it is all over and done with over a plate of Chicken Fried Steak, mashed tatos and okra. Greedy, greedy, greedy, Mr Michael!
Annie, I have to agree with you about this episode: neither girl really stood out.
And Amber's Mom, don't add more girls to the stage, you ninny. Yes, they have wider thighs than your daughter and made her appear tiny, but they also detract from her by making her look tiny. The boys would have been enough -- already done before on a surf board, but good enough.
And I am so not getting the trench coat thing. Unless that was to appeal to the pedophiles in the viewing audience. Lame. Poor girl, she was really cute.
Annie, I'm just not buying the females judges fancying Mr David. I thought Nyasha's look was more, "Shit, are my tampons in the side pocket?" than, "I want him. I need him. Take me now on this table." Likewise, Deedy's look and hand gestures imply to me, "You are a little man of no consequence and no money. My pageant days are over and I no longer have to do dirty with men such as you. I have moved on to older, richer men who can keep my puppy in kibbles and my lips well-collagened."
Now, David? Of course he fancies the ladies. There is no reason for a man to take a pageant job unless:
(a) they are con artists (Michael)
(b) they are massively gay (Michael again), or
(c) they are het and are working the system to show their "sensitive" side in the hopes they will get laid by aging former beauty queens held together with the best plastic surgery plastic or dead/ex-husbands can buy
Of course, the eagerness with which (c)'s go about doing this often lead people to suspect (b) or otherwise a pervert of sort sort.
Cheers, Annie. Looking forward to reading more of your recaps!
3 of 6 | Posted by jennaboa | Posted on April 20, 2009 10:20 AM
Dear Pixielated, Jennaboa and Yenta,
Thank you all for your comments.
Pixielated: I think you're right that Amber's Mom was using the dancers to hide some perceived flaw in her daughter. The only flaw was that Amber was almost invisible in the pageant.
Yenta: Yes, just got the news I love to recap and I do have a new show that starts June 15th, drum roll please.... I'll be recapping "NYC Prep". It's a new reality show on Bravo.
Jennaboa: You are a doll and your insights into the minds of David and his pageant babes were right on the money.
Thanks all for reading my recaps and I'll see you in June when NYC Prep debuts.
Love and luck,
TVannie
4 of 6 | Posted by AnneM | Posted on April 22, 2009 5:14 PM
you got tinsley mixed up with karmen walker.
5 of 6 | Posted by pageantsisterx14 | Posted on October 21, 2009 8:15 AM
Pageantsisterx14
Thanks for catching this. I kind of miss this little show.
TVannie
6 of 6 | Posted by AnneM | Posted on October 21, 2009 9:13 AM