Welcome my dear Gasmii to Episode 5 of the Little Miss Perfect Show. This show is so exciting. Just a few days ago, Chelsey Handler mentioned that she thinks our very own Michael Galanes has the goods to replace Ryan on American Idol!!! No kidding and we thought he was just the Queen of the World.
Don't worry Ryan, Michael's not likely to jump off this little ship of gold anytime soon. Speaking of ships, this week's episode is named "The Love Boat". So without further delay, put on your sailor hat, pop the top on your beer, or mix up one of those fancy drinks with an umbrella in it like Isaac would do or light 'em up and smoke em if you have them. It's time to enjoy our weekly journey to the dark side, this time in North Carolina.
First up we meet Jordan. She is a pretty 10 year old girl from North Carolina. She has a very pronounced southern accent which always makes me think they sound super feminine. Her Mom Jeanie is watching Jordan rehearse. Jordan is rehearsing her Wow Wear routine and she is doing it on roller skates.
We also get a glimpse of Jordan's room which is really cute and she had a dresser with flowers on it. I'm totally jealous of her bedroom.
Jordan has over 100 crowns, she's been doing pageants since she was 5 months old. Her Wow Wear routine is to be a '50's style waitress on roller skates. She says to win at Wow Wear you have to think out of the box. As she is rehearsing, she raises one of her legs up over her head!. I'm immediately impressed with her athleticism.
She said that it is important to do something no one else has ever done. Her Mom tells her she is doing a good job and when Jordan finishes rehearsing, she asks Jordan if she is happy. This is a strange new tactic, Moms checking to see if their daughters are happy. That should be a wow winner if ever I saw one.
This is the first time, I've ever seen a girl in a beauty pageant that I am positive, really wants to be there and is working hard without being told to rehearse. You can tell by Jordan's enthusiasm, she wants this, she wants to win and she wants to do her best. I realize she started as a baby, but honestly, I think this kid has "it". Every performer who really loves their art, has "it" and this girl is one of those rare talents that has "it".
I like this girl and I don't feel bad for her like all the rest. She doesn't complain about rehearsing, she does it without being told and she is the one who has the drive the inner thing that make her want to do well. I already have a bad feeling that this isn't going to end well. Why do all the good ones lose?
And then we meet the other featured contestant.
It's Emily Tye. For those of you who have seen these children's beauty pageants in the past, Emily Tye was featured on another reality show "Showbiz Moms and Dads". Emily was four at the time (five years ago) and was pretty good in pageants. She did win a lot of pageants and had a lot of crowns and sashes. There was a lot of controversy about Emily's Mother Debbie.
Debbie Tye was portrayed as a really pushy pageant Mom. Debbie gave interviews back when the show premiered and said that she was not portrayed accurately and blamed it on editing. I don't want to throw stones but the only time I hear about someone being dissatisfied by their portrayal on a reality show, they also say it is due to the editing (think Alex and Simon on the Real Housewives of NYC).
It's not the editing.
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Comments (10)
Great recap, TVannie! I tohught Jordan was robbed also.
The Bad Seed picture cracked me up. I love that movie.
Michael's ginormous heads creeps me out more and more every week. He's like a living bobble head!!
SWAK, PottyMouth
1 of 10 | Posted by PottyMouth | Posted on April 2, 2009 11:47 AM
I totally thought Jordan was robbed too! She is one talented little girl.
I don't know if it was her sweet, soft little voice, but I kinda had a soft spot for Emily. I think she is a clear case of a kid only doing pageants because their overbearing mother wants it.
2 of 10 | Posted by lesleymoon | Posted on April 2, 2009 11:59 AM
Dear Potty and Lesley,
Potty: I hear you, his head is bigger every week. His pictures make him look a little plastic.
Lesley:Honey, I get it. Emily does have a soft voice and a bossy Mom. Your opinion is as valid as anyone else's.
Thanks for the feedback sweets. I can't wait to dish about the controversey in the last episode.
L&L
TVannie
3 of 10 | Posted by AnneM | Posted on April 2, 2009 12:13 PM
Has anyone else noticed the big sparkly belt buckle shaped like a tiara that Michael wears at pageants? Loves it.
Jordan so should have won--Emily's damn chicken clock thing didn't make any kind of sense, and I thought her $1600 dress was hideous. I do feel bad for that little girl, though. Her mom seems pretty awful.
Great recap! Can't wait for the next one.
4 of 10 | Posted by Blanketessa | Posted on April 2, 2009 2:15 PM
Debbie takes the cuckoo box (good name for this family) =
SPIIIT... off for another new monitor!
We love this show, but this one took the cake, especially after seing the two of them when Emily was 3 and her mom was still a lunatic. And they were going to throw sheets and towels over that fugly thing, like it would HIDE it more?! And who would want to copy that hot mess? OMG it was hilarious. Yes, Jordan should have won, she was cute and they seemed a little more level-headed.
5 of 10 | Posted by killbondnow | Posted on April 2, 2009 4:04 PM
I live about 20 minutes from the town that Jordan lives in. (thought everyone would want to know that, lOL). her talent routine was wonderful!
I cant figure out why the girl that the judges 'hate' is the one that wins. Like the judges said,Emilys talent was way to much stuff going on. But, she won anyways.
Who's idea was it for pagent girls to have to hold their arms so stiffly away from their sides during evening wear?? The look so robotic like that.
6 of 10 | Posted by fatgirlsrule | Posted on April 2, 2009 9:14 PM
I don't watch the show but I love your recaps. They get funnier every week, but you don't lose the undercurrent of outrage.
Frankly, Jordan is a very talented child but she looks as weird and fake as the other girls. She reminded me of Angie Dickinson in one picture (which is fine if you are 30).
I think little Jordan is a bit of a Type A control freak. I'll bet she has to-do lists and vision boards and gets straight A's at school. She may go far, or she may get into her 20s and just wonder what it all means, start reading existential philosophy, drop out, and become a pothead who works at a coffee house. Still, that's better than poor little fake Emily, who rarely shows what she really feels and could certainly come up with a better routine than that surreal farce her mom invented (I guess). Still, compared to some of the other kids and moms, this crazy crew didn't seem too bad. (Better than the yelling mom with the blowfish lips, for instance.)
Interesting juxtaposition of the two personalities and lives.
7 of 10 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on April 2, 2009 9:22 PM
Dear Blanketessa, Fatgirlsrule,Killbondnow and Pixielated:
Thanks for the feedback.
Blanketessa: It's ridiculous how much they spend on those awful dresses. Can you imagine? For that kind of money you could get your child a great computer so he/she could improve their mind.
And I'm going to have to look for the buckle, I can't believe I missed it, I get hypnotized by the botox forehead.
Killbondnow: I wish I had been a fly on the wall in Debbie Tye's room so I could watch her hide that box until the pageant. It was so funny. I can guarantee no one even knows that it was supposed to be a clock. Not even Emily.
Fatgirlsrule: No, I don't know why those girls walk with their arms like that it's very unnatural. Maybe that's the point. Say hi to Jordan and her Mom if you run into her.
Pixielated: You are so dear, reading the recaps without even watching the show. You are right that Emily never shows her true self. She will probably become pretty nasty during her teen years. Girls like that often fight a lot with their mothers. If you buy a kid a dress that cost $1000 when they are ten, what do you buy when they are 16? They don't look like they are rolling in money. I wish them all luck.
I wish I could get my hands on that box, it would go into the Little Miss Perfect Hall of Fame along with Ashley's Mom's braless boobs, Traci's stuck-in-a-pool-drain lips and it would be a great addition to the collection. Perhaps I can open a Little Miss Perfect Museum. I can have a grand opening and invite all of the Gasmii.
Love and luck,
TVannie
8 of 10 | Posted by AnneM | Posted on April 4, 2009 4:11 PM
I dont know them, but I did notice that the street they lived on is Matthews-Mint Hill Road. Since the show showed the street sign and their house, it wouldnt be hard for a predator to find the little girl.
Since i started watching this show, I always check out the rack of pagent dresses at the consignment shop where i like to go. There are actually some good prices on some pretty dresses. $50 for a barely used dress is much better then $1000 for a brand new dress.
9 of 10 | Posted by fatgirlsrule | Posted on April 4, 2009 9:20 PM
Great recap!
I've been reading your recaps and have noticed you using "double knot spy" a couple of times. I couldn't figure out for the life of me what that was. When you mentioned Jethro (God, I'm embarrased to say I know this), I realized you meant "double naught spy" (007)! LMAO! Maybe because I'm southern, I knew what Jethro meant.
10 of 10 | Posted by southern_essence | Posted on April 20, 2009 2:59 PM