Michael says Brandi is great at the interview and the beauty is full glitz pageant which means fake everything.
Brandi and Jean are looking for help for the other part of the pageant. This is a new category I've never heard before, it's the "Wow Wear" category.
Michael explains that the Wow Wear category is similar to talent, it involves a theme or skit, sometimes props and it's to "wow" the judges. Jean says she appreciates Michael's advice and that he has never steered them in the wrong direction.
Brandi and her Mom Jean have decided she would like to do Marilyn Monroe as Brandi's "Wow Wear". Michael is so excited about Brandi doing Marilyn Monroe, he can hardly contain himself.
So Brandi works on a couple of new moves that Michael shows her and they leave to go home and practice some more.
Jean says the Wow Wear is the biggest challenge. She's never been a dancer, but she has music in her soul. When Jean says this, I start to wonder just who is in this pageant? Brandi or Jean? I guess it's complicated.
It's starting to seem like as we get closer to the pageant, Jean is getting a little crazier with every moment. She looks like her eyes are about to go spinning in her head. She is obviously worked up about the Wow Wear thing and she really wants Brandi to win this competition.
Michael says that all the Moms think he's God and they bow to him, until they lose. Then they think he's the Devil. Michael is really kind of odd, but he does seem to know a thing or two about pageants. So far he doesn't seem to over the top.
Back at the photo place Ashley and her Mom are looking at her pictures. Ashley and Deanna (the photog) agree on which is the best shot. Deanna tells Ashley and Tina that the one they picked is perfect.
But I guess that's an overstatement, because Deanna starts fixing the perfect picture by re-touching the Hell out of it. They add more hair, smooth out her skin (she's a little kid, it's already smooth), they make her lips fuller, fixed her gum line and voila! a perfect picture.
Tina says she doesn't like some of the full glitz pictures she still wants to see that it looks like the child. One last touch the photographer brightens Ashley's eyes in the picture. Now it is perfect and it looks nothing like Ashley.
Tina is thrilled with the result. If only she could get Ashley to look like this in real life. Too bad there is no way to turn your kid into a life size doll with no pores in her skin, no split ends, long lashes and skin that has one tone and eyes that are sparkly all by themselves. Keep up the hard work Tina, who knows, maybe you can get Ashley tattooed so her skin looks all the same color and she could have her lips injected to look smoother and she can have hair plugs to make her hair thicker and you could just lay her out in your lawn and bake her in the sun to get her tan. Then you would really have something.
Back to Brandi.
Brandi's Mom Jean is mowing lawns with a push mower, not a riding one, in Florida in summer. Jean loves her daughter a lot to put herself through this to earn extra money for pageants. She also spends time coaching Brandi and she leaned how to do the spray tan at home, fix her hair, put on the make-up and her fake fingernails. Jean is a very driven woman.
Brandi's Dad is working on getting a fan set up so her dress will blow up in the air at the pageant. Between the costume, the new moves from pageant director Michael and the skirt blowing up around her waist the judges should be really impressed during the Wow portion of the pageant. At least that's the plan.
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Comments (15)
Hey TVannie! Good job on the recap! My husband and I watch this show and we both promised each other we would never put our daughter through any pageants. These moms are scary!! Also do you notice the parents never look as good as their kids. I swear each time I watch this show the kid looks like she belongs to a million dollar family and then they show the family and they all look tore up from the floor up! Also the kids are more acceptance of the loss then the parents are! When all these parents are done pimping these kids in the pageant world I hope they come out sane and stable enough to handle the real world.
P.S I also love to eat Crayons! Baby Blue sky taste the best!!
Just kidding:O)
1 of 15 | Posted by niqui1 | Posted on March 5, 2009 12:46 PM
Citrus colored rainbows = my favorite part. We watch this every week to hear this song now.
How ironic that the state of Florida won't let gays marry, yet none of these people think anything weird about letting the gay man sing creepy lyrics to your baby or small child.
2 of 15 | Posted by killbondnow | Posted on March 5, 2009 6:06 PM
Dear Niqui1 and Killbondnow,
Niqui1- I agree the pageant Moms, in fact their whole families often look like they have no money at all and then you find out they spent $600 on a pageant dress. It's amazing how they can rationalize this pageant business.
And the kids always take the loss better than their Moms and Dads.
I'm glad you and your husband will not be putting any of your daughters in this craziness.
Killbondnow, I know what you mean about the laws and the reality of the child pageant business. I hope that someday all the people in this world will have equality and rights. We're a long way from that right now.
Thanks for reading and commenting, I hope to hear from you again.
Love and luck,
TVannie
3 of 15 | Posted by AnneM | Posted on March 5, 2009 7:33 PM
Jean is menopausal. Period. (sorry....).
Michael the pagent dude is sooo weird, he gives me the creeps.
I loved Ashleys' hippie chick outfit, it was so cute and it covered her up! I found Brandy's marilyn monroe immitation to be a little disturbing, but I do like Brandy, she seems to enjoy the pagents.
Those fake teeth have got to the be the ugliest things I have ever seen. What is wrong with a little girls natural teeth and smile?? They look retareded with those fake things in their mouth.
This show and the Toddlers and Tiaras is Wack, but Fun to watch.
4 of 15 | Posted by fatgirlsrule | Posted on March 5, 2009 7:42 PM
OK, here are these parents who think that their child is beautiful--and she is. But what do they do when they enter her in a pageant? Well, first thing, make sure to make her look completely unrecognizable and unlike herself.
I think that is Brandi's problem. She looks too fakey. They need to tone down the hair--it's way too shiny. The teeth, the makeup, etc.--she looks like a 1970s country singer.
If you think your kid is beautiful, let her show that beauty, like Beyonce and even Ashley did.
(P.S. I think these pageants are creepy and weird, but at least this one didn't have a swimsuit competition.)
5 of 15 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on March 5, 2009 9:38 PM
Well, you have to understand.
Once upon a time, a long long time ago, before the invention of cable television, there were only four or five channels. Less in some markets. So it's not like there was a lot of choice.
And it seemed like HeeHaw was always on. You couldn't get away from it. It was just there. Even in the northeast, which was the real conundrum. Maybe it was Dixie's revenge?
And back then of course you actually had to get off your butt to change a channel. So you ended up actually watching a show all the way through.
Now this show, on the other hand...
6 of 15 | Posted by itchy | Posted on March 6, 2009 12:10 AM
Oh yeah, hadn't finished reading the recap... I kind of enjoy your half-reverent/half-snarky style...it's definitely different from most recappers here. Dry in its own wacky way.
Anyway, about the chemicals comment, I was thinking the same thing: do these people understand what they're putting on their kids? These girls will all be pubescent at 10 years old and die from ovarian cancer by the time their 18.
At least that will spare a future of becoming frustrated frumpy hags like their moms. These women should be put away.
7 of 15 | Posted by itchy | Posted on March 6, 2009 1:20 AM
Dear Fatgirlsrule, Pixielated and itchy,
Thank you for the comments. I think the responses from readers are just as important if not more important than the actual recap.
Fatgirlsrule: Jean is menopausal. I've been in that Hell for 2 years now. Emotional? I cry at commercials. Sweaty? I live in Wisconsin and turn the furnace off if the temp gets above 40. It's not for sissies.
Pixielated: Parents that want to celebrate their children's talents, smarts or looks often are blinded by the reality that just being a child is a reason to celebrate. The other stuff is nice, but not necessary.
The swimsuit competition on Toddlers and Tiaras was awful last week. Judging a 2 year old girl in a bathing suit is creepy. So is parading her out on stage and telling her to wiggle her butt.
Itcy: Thank you for the comment on my sense of humor. Recapping is a learning process, and I'm not there yet, but I'm working on it.
I hope you all keep reading and commenting.
Love and luck,
TVannie
8 of 15 | Posted by AnneM | Posted on March 6, 2009 7:01 AM
I enjoyed your recap as well. I look forward to your next one on the little energy-filled redhead who seems to have a normal mom.
I came upon this show by accident and was mesmerized by the insanity.
When my first daughter was born, of course she was the most beautiful baby EVER so I put her in a baby pageant - the kind where you have to sell tickets or donate money or something ridiculous (which I didn't do). I dressed her in a little pink onesie only to discover when I got there that everyone else went ALL out. Needless to say, we didn't win and that was the last pageant she ever entered.
9 of 15 | Posted by Clair | Posted on March 6, 2009 9:29 AM
TVannie, love you lady!! I'm so glad to see you on another show. Of course, now that means I have to watch TWO kiddie pagent shows. Just the thought is so tiring. :)
Great job, as always. The Tina/bra pix gave me the giggles.
SWAK, PottyMouth
10 of 15 | Posted by PottyMouth | Posted on March 6, 2009 3:30 PM
I had a really cool idea: they ought to do a 'True Beauty' version of this show.
You know, put a bunch of mother-daughter teams in a house, tell them they're competing for a pageant title --but in reality they're judging the mothers for their abusive behavior toward these kids.
Now that's a show I'd watch.
11 of 15 | Posted by itchy | Posted on March 6, 2009 3:49 PM
Itchy, That Would Be Awesome!
12 of 15 | Posted by Clair | Posted on March 7, 2009 3:05 PM
Dear Potty,
Here's that love right back at you.
I had to comment on Tina. I think people that bully their kids and force them to stay up and rehearse need to be taken down a notch.
Love and luck,
TVannie
13 of 15 | Posted by AnneM | Posted on March 7, 2009 3:40 PM
Getting ready to watch the episode about the little girl with the snake. I only hope that DSS is watching also.
14 of 15 | Posted by fatgirlsrule | Posted on March 7, 2009 9:49 PM
I thought I was the only one who caught Ashley's facial expression when her mother said she could always tell when a kid didn't want to be in a pageant.
And I LOVED that little girl who said she loved to eat crayons.
15 of 15 | Posted by pufferoo | Posted on August 21, 2009 5:26 PM