This is a family effort, Brandi has both parents and a brother helping her in her pageant performance. Her brother Zack will put the sign on stage that Jean is painting and he will be JFK to his sister's Marilyn Monroe.
When Jean finishes cutting the neighbor's lawn she starts working on a sign that will say "Diamonds is a girl's best friend". Brandi looks at the sign and says, "shouldn't that say diamonds ARE a girl's best friend?"
Jean is embarrassed, her husband laughs and I am impressed that Brandi uses her brain for more than doing a Marilyn Monroe impersonation.
Jean pulls out Brandi's pageant sashes. She is sewing them all together to make a big quilt. She says she had a completely different childhood. There were no trophies and her parents didn't do things with her. Jean starts to cry and says that's why she does this for her kids.
The pageant thing is such an emotional thing for Jean, you can see how important it is to her. I've always thought that the Moms of these pageant kids are trying to live vicariously through their children. In this case, it's clear that Jean takes the pageants seriously and she gets very emotional about this competition.
Over to the other competitor, Ashley and her Mom Tina are going to the seamstress who made the costume for Ashley's Wow Wear. They also made a cupcake skirt for her beauty dress. First things first. Her Wow Wear costume is a '60's outfit. She has tight pants to the knees and then big bell bottoms. The top looks like a wild but very pretty pink print and a matching headband. This outfit is very cute and I for one could totally see a Brady girl in this outfit. Ashley looks adorable as a far out hippie chick.
Ashley's cupcake skirt is a just a ruffle skirt that looks like the frosting on a cake. She is wearing this over a dress that is now too short. The top still fits and the new skirt fits over it so it looks like a basic ruffled, sequined, bedazzled pageant dress.
Tina says that she has spent about $1200 on clothes for this pageant. $1200 for a hippie outfit and a skirt, I think my whole wardrobe cost less than that. Wait until Ashley wants a prom dress, Tina will need a home equity loan.
Tina says if Ashley's going to do her best then it's her job to see that she has the tools she needs to win. With her new Wow Wear outfit, Tina says she needs a new routine. They are going to a dance studio to add a few steps and make the routine perfect.
Unfortunately it's only 3 days until the pageant and Tina is just now taking Ashley to a coach.
Once again Tina, buy a bra. That dark blue peasant blouse looks awful with your tummy-boobs. Please get some lift or just put on a heavy jacket and button it so we don't have to see your boobs compete for space with your belly. It's just distracting.
Over at the dance studio the coach says she's never coached someone who is only 3 days away from a pageant. Not only that but just as she is starting to work with Ashley, Tina interrupts. She says that Ashley is very sloppy with her feet.
TINA!!! You are sloppy with your boobs!!!! Pick them up off the floor and put them away!
Before the coach can do anything, Tina interrupts again. There is an aside where the coach says that it bothers her sometimes with the Mom oversteps the boundary of the coach. She can tell that Ashley is upset and she and Ashley are in agreement that Tina is a pain. This rehearsal is not going well.
Over at Brandi's house, her Dad says that before a big pageant his wife loses her mind. Brandi is outside sitting on a blanket in the shade and she is not rehearsing!!. Brandi says when her Mom is frustrated sweat just pours off of her.
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Comments (15)
Hey TVannie! Good job on the recap! My husband and I watch this show and we both promised each other we would never put our daughter through any pageants. These moms are scary!! Also do you notice the parents never look as good as their kids. I swear each time I watch this show the kid looks like she belongs to a million dollar family and then they show the family and they all look tore up from the floor up! Also the kids are more acceptance of the loss then the parents are! When all these parents are done pimping these kids in the pageant world I hope they come out sane and stable enough to handle the real world.
P.S I also love to eat Crayons! Baby Blue sky taste the best!!
Just kidding:O)
1 of 15 | Posted by niqui1 | Posted on March 5, 2009 12:46 PM
Citrus colored rainbows = my favorite part. We watch this every week to hear this song now.
How ironic that the state of Florida won't let gays marry, yet none of these people think anything weird about letting the gay man sing creepy lyrics to your baby or small child.
2 of 15 | Posted by killbondnow | Posted on March 5, 2009 6:06 PM
Dear Niqui1 and Killbondnow,
Niqui1- I agree the pageant Moms, in fact their whole families often look like they have no money at all and then you find out they spent $600 on a pageant dress. It's amazing how they can rationalize this pageant business.
And the kids always take the loss better than their Moms and Dads.
I'm glad you and your husband will not be putting any of your daughters in this craziness.
Killbondnow, I know what you mean about the laws and the reality of the child pageant business. I hope that someday all the people in this world will have equality and rights. We're a long way from that right now.
Thanks for reading and commenting, I hope to hear from you again.
Love and luck,
TVannie
3 of 15 | Posted by AnneM | Posted on March 5, 2009 7:33 PM
Jean is menopausal. Period. (sorry....).
Michael the pagent dude is sooo weird, he gives me the creeps.
I loved Ashleys' hippie chick outfit, it was so cute and it covered her up! I found Brandy's marilyn monroe immitation to be a little disturbing, but I do like Brandy, she seems to enjoy the pagents.
Those fake teeth have got to the be the ugliest things I have ever seen. What is wrong with a little girls natural teeth and smile?? They look retareded with those fake things in their mouth.
This show and the Toddlers and Tiaras is Wack, but Fun to watch.
4 of 15 | Posted by fatgirlsrule | Posted on March 5, 2009 7:42 PM
OK, here are these parents who think that their child is beautiful--and she is. But what do they do when they enter her in a pageant? Well, first thing, make sure to make her look completely unrecognizable and unlike herself.
I think that is Brandi's problem. She looks too fakey. They need to tone down the hair--it's way too shiny. The teeth, the makeup, etc.--she looks like a 1970s country singer.
If you think your kid is beautiful, let her show that beauty, like Beyonce and even Ashley did.
(P.S. I think these pageants are creepy and weird, but at least this one didn't have a swimsuit competition.)
5 of 15 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on March 5, 2009 9:38 PM
Well, you have to understand.
Once upon a time, a long long time ago, before the invention of cable television, there were only four or five channels. Less in some markets. So it's not like there was a lot of choice.
And it seemed like HeeHaw was always on. You couldn't get away from it. It was just there. Even in the northeast, which was the real conundrum. Maybe it was Dixie's revenge?
And back then of course you actually had to get off your butt to change a channel. So you ended up actually watching a show all the way through.
Now this show, on the other hand...
6 of 15 | Posted by itchy | Posted on March 6, 2009 12:10 AM
Oh yeah, hadn't finished reading the recap... I kind of enjoy your half-reverent/half-snarky style...it's definitely different from most recappers here. Dry in its own wacky way.
Anyway, about the chemicals comment, I was thinking the same thing: do these people understand what they're putting on their kids? These girls will all be pubescent at 10 years old and die from ovarian cancer by the time their 18.
At least that will spare a future of becoming frustrated frumpy hags like their moms. These women should be put away.
7 of 15 | Posted by itchy | Posted on March 6, 2009 1:20 AM
Dear Fatgirlsrule, Pixielated and itchy,
Thank you for the comments. I think the responses from readers are just as important if not more important than the actual recap.
Fatgirlsrule: Jean is menopausal. I've been in that Hell for 2 years now. Emotional? I cry at commercials. Sweaty? I live in Wisconsin and turn the furnace off if the temp gets above 40. It's not for sissies.
Pixielated: Parents that want to celebrate their children's talents, smarts or looks often are blinded by the reality that just being a child is a reason to celebrate. The other stuff is nice, but not necessary.
The swimsuit competition on Toddlers and Tiaras was awful last week. Judging a 2 year old girl in a bathing suit is creepy. So is parading her out on stage and telling her to wiggle her butt.
Itcy: Thank you for the comment on my sense of humor. Recapping is a learning process, and I'm not there yet, but I'm working on it.
I hope you all keep reading and commenting.
Love and luck,
TVannie
8 of 15 | Posted by AnneM | Posted on March 6, 2009 7:01 AM
I enjoyed your recap as well. I look forward to your next one on the little energy-filled redhead who seems to have a normal mom.
I came upon this show by accident and was mesmerized by the insanity.
When my first daughter was born, of course she was the most beautiful baby EVER so I put her in a baby pageant - the kind where you have to sell tickets or donate money or something ridiculous (which I didn't do). I dressed her in a little pink onesie only to discover when I got there that everyone else went ALL out. Needless to say, we didn't win and that was the last pageant she ever entered.
9 of 15 | Posted by Clair | Posted on March 6, 2009 9:29 AM
TVannie, love you lady!! I'm so glad to see you on another show. Of course, now that means I have to watch TWO kiddie pagent shows. Just the thought is so tiring. :)
Great job, as always. The Tina/bra pix gave me the giggles.
SWAK, PottyMouth
10 of 15 | Posted by PottyMouth | Posted on March 6, 2009 3:30 PM
I had a really cool idea: they ought to do a 'True Beauty' version of this show.
You know, put a bunch of mother-daughter teams in a house, tell them they're competing for a pageant title --but in reality they're judging the mothers for their abusive behavior toward these kids.
Now that's a show I'd watch.
11 of 15 | Posted by itchy | Posted on March 6, 2009 3:49 PM
Itchy, That Would Be Awesome!
12 of 15 | Posted by Clair | Posted on March 7, 2009 3:05 PM
Dear Potty,
Here's that love right back at you.
I had to comment on Tina. I think people that bully their kids and force them to stay up and rehearse need to be taken down a notch.
Love and luck,
TVannie
13 of 15 | Posted by AnneM | Posted on March 7, 2009 3:40 PM
Getting ready to watch the episode about the little girl with the snake. I only hope that DSS is watching also.
14 of 15 | Posted by fatgirlsrule | Posted on March 7, 2009 9:49 PM
I thought I was the only one who caught Ashley's facial expression when her mother said she could always tell when a kid didn't want to be in a pageant.
And I LOVED that little girl who said she loved to eat crayons.
15 of 15 | Posted by pufferoo | Posted on August 21, 2009 5:26 PM