Listen Brandi, you live in Florida and it's summer, sweat is pouring off of everyone but especially Mom's that are mowing lawns, painting signs, rehearsing routines and packing for kids who want to go to beauty pageants. Be glad she is willing to do all that sweating for you.
Brandi is rehearsing for her Wow Wear skit, but Jean doesn't think that Brandi is really putting anything into the rehearsal. It's like Brandi isn't even trying.
Rather than berate her daughter, and destroy her self image, the whole family goes four-wheeling out in the woods with their dogs chasing them. Brandi gets to work off her little kid energy and get dirty and sweaty and play with her dogs and her family. This is quite a concept, allowing a kid to be a kid.
Brandi says she doesn't know if she likes pageants more or four-wheeling more. She is talking on camera and she is sweaty and has dirt on her face and is petting her panting dog.
I love this kid, good for you Brandi. Your Mom has not forgotten that you need to play like a kid. Jean deserves a sash and crown for recognizing childhood. I've never seen a pageant Mom or Dad allow his or her child to play this close to pageant time. It's like they understand that children need to play and be kids. What a concept.
Over at Ashley's house, the kids are in the pool. Ashley has some friends over and she is swimming while Ashley's Mom is putting curlers in Ashley's hair piece. Tina says she is a perfectionist so she wants to do everything so it will be done right. At least Ashley is getting play time. I have a feeling that before the show is over, Tina will torture her and make her rehearse a lot.
Brandi is shown packing her clothes, shoes and other stuff she needs for the pageant. She uses a list to make sure she brings everything she needs. Over at Ashley's, her Mom Tina is packing and she doesn't need a list, it is all in her head. She got the new portraits of Ashley in time for the pageant and so off they go to the pageant in Orlando.
At the hotel, Brandi is in the bathroom and her Mom is spray tanning her. Jean says she saved well over $4000 by doing their own hair and make-up, coaching, spray tanning and press on nails. You have to hand it to Jean, she is not afraid to learn new things.
They did buy Brandi a flipper though. It was the one thing they couldn't do without. The flipper is a little thing like a retainer, but it has teeth on it so little girls who don't have front teeth have perfect smiles.
It's 10:49PM and Ashley is still rehearsing in the hallway in the hotel. Tina says "you have two choices. You can practice and do well, or don't practice and don't do well." She tells Ashley that anytime she wants to go upstairs, let me know.
Ashley has no choice, she continues to practice and plans running away from home to join the Army or the circus or anywhere that will allow her to sleep and eat dinner. Tina is in full pageant mode and Ashley knows this is no time to try and talk to her Mom about eating, sleeping or playing.
Over in Brandi's room, it's 11:11PM and Brandi is sleeping while Mom Jean is putting rollers in Brandi's fake hair. Say what you want, at least Brandi's Mom lets her kid sleep. Even if Jean is wound a little tight, she is not forcing endless rehearsals upon her tired and still growing child.
And then just like magic, it's pageant day. Brandi's Mom is doing her make-up and she has made a mess of it. She is wearing so much make-up she looks like she is working the main stage at a strip joint. Jean is trying to fix it but they are running out of time. It's always easier to add more make-up than it is to tone it down.
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Comments (15)
Hey TVannie! Good job on the recap! My husband and I watch this show and we both promised each other we would never put our daughter through any pageants. These moms are scary!! Also do you notice the parents never look as good as their kids. I swear each time I watch this show the kid looks like she belongs to a million dollar family and then they show the family and they all look tore up from the floor up! Also the kids are more acceptance of the loss then the parents are! When all these parents are done pimping these kids in the pageant world I hope they come out sane and stable enough to handle the real world.
P.S I also love to eat Crayons! Baby Blue sky taste the best!!
Just kidding:O)
1 of 15 | Posted by niqui1 | Posted on March 5, 2009 12:46 PM
Citrus colored rainbows = my favorite part. We watch this every week to hear this song now.
How ironic that the state of Florida won't let gays marry, yet none of these people think anything weird about letting the gay man sing creepy lyrics to your baby or small child.
2 of 15 | Posted by killbondnow | Posted on March 5, 2009 6:06 PM
Dear Niqui1 and Killbondnow,
Niqui1- I agree the pageant Moms, in fact their whole families often look like they have no money at all and then you find out they spent $600 on a pageant dress. It's amazing how they can rationalize this pageant business.
And the kids always take the loss better than their Moms and Dads.
I'm glad you and your husband will not be putting any of your daughters in this craziness.
Killbondnow, I know what you mean about the laws and the reality of the child pageant business. I hope that someday all the people in this world will have equality and rights. We're a long way from that right now.
Thanks for reading and commenting, I hope to hear from you again.
Love and luck,
TVannie
3 of 15 | Posted by AnneM | Posted on March 5, 2009 7:33 PM
Jean is menopausal. Period. (sorry....).
Michael the pagent dude is sooo weird, he gives me the creeps.
I loved Ashleys' hippie chick outfit, it was so cute and it covered her up! I found Brandy's marilyn monroe immitation to be a little disturbing, but I do like Brandy, she seems to enjoy the pagents.
Those fake teeth have got to the be the ugliest things I have ever seen. What is wrong with a little girls natural teeth and smile?? They look retareded with those fake things in their mouth.
This show and the Toddlers and Tiaras is Wack, but Fun to watch.
4 of 15 | Posted by fatgirlsrule | Posted on March 5, 2009 7:42 PM
OK, here are these parents who think that their child is beautiful--and she is. But what do they do when they enter her in a pageant? Well, first thing, make sure to make her look completely unrecognizable and unlike herself.
I think that is Brandi's problem. She looks too fakey. They need to tone down the hair--it's way too shiny. The teeth, the makeup, etc.--she looks like a 1970s country singer.
If you think your kid is beautiful, let her show that beauty, like Beyonce and even Ashley did.
(P.S. I think these pageants are creepy and weird, but at least this one didn't have a swimsuit competition.)
5 of 15 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on March 5, 2009 9:38 PM
Well, you have to understand.
Once upon a time, a long long time ago, before the invention of cable television, there were only four or five channels. Less in some markets. So it's not like there was a lot of choice.
And it seemed like HeeHaw was always on. You couldn't get away from it. It was just there. Even in the northeast, which was the real conundrum. Maybe it was Dixie's revenge?
And back then of course you actually had to get off your butt to change a channel. So you ended up actually watching a show all the way through.
Now this show, on the other hand...
6 of 15 | Posted by itchy | Posted on March 6, 2009 12:10 AM
Oh yeah, hadn't finished reading the recap... I kind of enjoy your half-reverent/half-snarky style...it's definitely different from most recappers here. Dry in its own wacky way.
Anyway, about the chemicals comment, I was thinking the same thing: do these people understand what they're putting on their kids? These girls will all be pubescent at 10 years old and die from ovarian cancer by the time their 18.
At least that will spare a future of becoming frustrated frumpy hags like their moms. These women should be put away.
7 of 15 | Posted by itchy | Posted on March 6, 2009 1:20 AM
Dear Fatgirlsrule, Pixielated and itchy,
Thank you for the comments. I think the responses from readers are just as important if not more important than the actual recap.
Fatgirlsrule: Jean is menopausal. I've been in that Hell for 2 years now. Emotional? I cry at commercials. Sweaty? I live in Wisconsin and turn the furnace off if the temp gets above 40. It's not for sissies.
Pixielated: Parents that want to celebrate their children's talents, smarts or looks often are blinded by the reality that just being a child is a reason to celebrate. The other stuff is nice, but not necessary.
The swimsuit competition on Toddlers and Tiaras was awful last week. Judging a 2 year old girl in a bathing suit is creepy. So is parading her out on stage and telling her to wiggle her butt.
Itcy: Thank you for the comment on my sense of humor. Recapping is a learning process, and I'm not there yet, but I'm working on it.
I hope you all keep reading and commenting.
Love and luck,
TVannie
8 of 15 | Posted by AnneM | Posted on March 6, 2009 7:01 AM
I enjoyed your recap as well. I look forward to your next one on the little energy-filled redhead who seems to have a normal mom.
I came upon this show by accident and was mesmerized by the insanity.
When my first daughter was born, of course she was the most beautiful baby EVER so I put her in a baby pageant - the kind where you have to sell tickets or donate money or something ridiculous (which I didn't do). I dressed her in a little pink onesie only to discover when I got there that everyone else went ALL out. Needless to say, we didn't win and that was the last pageant she ever entered.
9 of 15 | Posted by Clair | Posted on March 6, 2009 9:29 AM
TVannie, love you lady!! I'm so glad to see you on another show. Of course, now that means I have to watch TWO kiddie pagent shows. Just the thought is so tiring. :)
Great job, as always. The Tina/bra pix gave me the giggles.
SWAK, PottyMouth
10 of 15 | Posted by PottyMouth | Posted on March 6, 2009 3:30 PM
I had a really cool idea: they ought to do a 'True Beauty' version of this show.
You know, put a bunch of mother-daughter teams in a house, tell them they're competing for a pageant title --but in reality they're judging the mothers for their abusive behavior toward these kids.
Now that's a show I'd watch.
11 of 15 | Posted by itchy | Posted on March 6, 2009 3:49 PM
Itchy, That Would Be Awesome!
12 of 15 | Posted by Clair | Posted on March 7, 2009 3:05 PM
Dear Potty,
Here's that love right back at you.
I had to comment on Tina. I think people that bully their kids and force them to stay up and rehearse need to be taken down a notch.
Love and luck,
TVannie
13 of 15 | Posted by AnneM | Posted on March 7, 2009 3:40 PM
Getting ready to watch the episode about the little girl with the snake. I only hope that DSS is watching also.
14 of 15 | Posted by fatgirlsrule | Posted on March 7, 2009 9:49 PM
I thought I was the only one who caught Ashley's facial expression when her mother said she could always tell when a kid didn't want to be in a pageant.
And I LOVED that little girl who said she loved to eat crayons.
15 of 15 | Posted by pufferoo | Posted on August 21, 2009 5:26 PM