Backstage as the pageant organizers are lining up the contestants. The little girls are talking to each other. This turns out to be the highlight of the pageant for me. This kind of moment is rare for a child beauty pageant TV show. It's moments like these that remind us that these children are not dolls. They are real life kids, who just like being kids.
A beautiful little girl in her fancy ruffled dress is talking to another little girl and she says...
I don't know who that little girl was, but I would have picked her as the winner. I myself loved Elmer's glue, but I had a lot of friends who also loved Crayons. And for a moment this show displayed a kind of reality that is missing in the rest of the pageant. Reality.
All of the girls have now paraded onto the stage in their special evening gowns and have smiled and turned and looked at the judges. I think they should also have the little girls twirl on the stage.
The children are waiting to find out who makes it to the Top Ten.
The judges are in a conference room talking about the contestants while another person adds up the scores. Judge Deedy says she really liked Brandi, but Nyesha says that there was something off about Brandi's hair. She wondered if that is Brandi's natural color. I think it is natural, but it has to be the lighting that made her hair look plastic.
The judges also mentioned liking Beyonce, the little girl in the more conservative white dress. Beyonce was really pretty and natural looking and had a very pretty white dress that didn't have a lot of ruffles, sequins or beading. She is probably a strong contender for a title.
It doesn't take long before the scores are all totaled and the winner is selected.
Michael the pageant guy announces the names of the girls who have made the top ten. This is the top ten out of the twenty four girls who participated.
In the crowd, Ashley and Brandi's families are on pins and needles as they wait to hear if Ashley and/or Brandi is in the top ten.
Ashley's parents are nervous too. There are no guarantees that anyone will make it to the Top Ten.
Happily, Ashley, Brandi and Beyonce all make the Top Ten. Jean and Tina are relieved that Brandi and Ashley got this far. This was the first hurdle. Next up is the Top Five.
But first, Michael is going to entertain the contestants and the audience. It is finally time for Michael to sing the song created specially for this pageant.
Now would be a good time to do a shot, or get another beer or light up your smoking materials. This is really freaky.
First of all Michael is wearing a lot of make-up. I am guessing that he is wearing make-up because he is on TV, at least I hope so.
Michael begins to sing the song, "Little Miss Perfect" to the pageant participants.
Listen to the words in this song as Michael sings it.
"The Little Miss Perfect pageant,
where all your dreams come true."
So far so good right? But just wait, how about this line?
"There are citrus colored rainbows,
on the other side.
Hop on the magic carpet
and take a wild ride."
He sings, hop on and take a wild ride to a little girl!!! WTF!!
Maybe it's me, but that song is bothersome. I know that it was written with the best intentions, but it's just wrong.
After Michael finishes creeping out the entire audience it's time to shorten the field from ten to five. Jean can hardly bear this pressure, she is shaking.
Michael announces the top five and Ashley and Beyonce both made it. Brandi does not make the top five. Brandi comes down from the stage and goes to her mother's side.
« Ugly Betty: Poked and Bribed, or Just Another Saturday Night for Betty! | Main | TVgasm Radio »
Comments (15)
Hey TVannie! Good job on the recap! My husband and I watch this show and we both promised each other we would never put our daughter through any pageants. These moms are scary!! Also do you notice the parents never look as good as their kids. I swear each time I watch this show the kid looks like she belongs to a million dollar family and then they show the family and they all look tore up from the floor up! Also the kids are more acceptance of the loss then the parents are! When all these parents are done pimping these kids in the pageant world I hope they come out sane and stable enough to handle the real world.
P.S I also love to eat Crayons! Baby Blue sky taste the best!!
Just kidding:O)
1 of 15 | Posted by niqui1 | Posted on March 5, 2009 12:46 PM
Citrus colored rainbows = my favorite part. We watch this every week to hear this song now.
How ironic that the state of Florida won't let gays marry, yet none of these people think anything weird about letting the gay man sing creepy lyrics to your baby or small child.
2 of 15 | Posted by killbondnow | Posted on March 5, 2009 6:06 PM
Dear Niqui1 and Killbondnow,
Niqui1- I agree the pageant Moms, in fact their whole families often look like they have no money at all and then you find out they spent $600 on a pageant dress. It's amazing how they can rationalize this pageant business.
And the kids always take the loss better than their Moms and Dads.
I'm glad you and your husband will not be putting any of your daughters in this craziness.
Killbondnow, I know what you mean about the laws and the reality of the child pageant business. I hope that someday all the people in this world will have equality and rights. We're a long way from that right now.
Thanks for reading and commenting, I hope to hear from you again.
Love and luck,
TVannie
3 of 15 | Posted by AnneM | Posted on March 5, 2009 7:33 PM
Jean is menopausal. Period. (sorry....).
Michael the pagent dude is sooo weird, he gives me the creeps.
I loved Ashleys' hippie chick outfit, it was so cute and it covered her up! I found Brandy's marilyn monroe immitation to be a little disturbing, but I do like Brandy, she seems to enjoy the pagents.
Those fake teeth have got to the be the ugliest things I have ever seen. What is wrong with a little girls natural teeth and smile?? They look retareded with those fake things in their mouth.
This show and the Toddlers and Tiaras is Wack, but Fun to watch.
4 of 15 | Posted by fatgirlsrule | Posted on March 5, 2009 7:42 PM
OK, here are these parents who think that their child is beautiful--and she is. But what do they do when they enter her in a pageant? Well, first thing, make sure to make her look completely unrecognizable and unlike herself.
I think that is Brandi's problem. She looks too fakey. They need to tone down the hair--it's way too shiny. The teeth, the makeup, etc.--she looks like a 1970s country singer.
If you think your kid is beautiful, let her show that beauty, like Beyonce and even Ashley did.
(P.S. I think these pageants are creepy and weird, but at least this one didn't have a swimsuit competition.)
5 of 15 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on March 5, 2009 9:38 PM
Well, you have to understand.
Once upon a time, a long long time ago, before the invention of cable television, there were only four or five channels. Less in some markets. So it's not like there was a lot of choice.
And it seemed like HeeHaw was always on. You couldn't get away from it. It was just there. Even in the northeast, which was the real conundrum. Maybe it was Dixie's revenge?
And back then of course you actually had to get off your butt to change a channel. So you ended up actually watching a show all the way through.
Now this show, on the other hand...
6 of 15 | Posted by itchy | Posted on March 6, 2009 12:10 AM
Oh yeah, hadn't finished reading the recap... I kind of enjoy your half-reverent/half-snarky style...it's definitely different from most recappers here. Dry in its own wacky way.
Anyway, about the chemicals comment, I was thinking the same thing: do these people understand what they're putting on their kids? These girls will all be pubescent at 10 years old and die from ovarian cancer by the time their 18.
At least that will spare a future of becoming frustrated frumpy hags like their moms. These women should be put away.
7 of 15 | Posted by itchy | Posted on March 6, 2009 1:20 AM
Dear Fatgirlsrule, Pixielated and itchy,
Thank you for the comments. I think the responses from readers are just as important if not more important than the actual recap.
Fatgirlsrule: Jean is menopausal. I've been in that Hell for 2 years now. Emotional? I cry at commercials. Sweaty? I live in Wisconsin and turn the furnace off if the temp gets above 40. It's not for sissies.
Pixielated: Parents that want to celebrate their children's talents, smarts or looks often are blinded by the reality that just being a child is a reason to celebrate. The other stuff is nice, but not necessary.
The swimsuit competition on Toddlers and Tiaras was awful last week. Judging a 2 year old girl in a bathing suit is creepy. So is parading her out on stage and telling her to wiggle her butt.
Itcy: Thank you for the comment on my sense of humor. Recapping is a learning process, and I'm not there yet, but I'm working on it.
I hope you all keep reading and commenting.
Love and luck,
TVannie
8 of 15 | Posted by AnneM | Posted on March 6, 2009 7:01 AM
I enjoyed your recap as well. I look forward to your next one on the little energy-filled redhead who seems to have a normal mom.
I came upon this show by accident and was mesmerized by the insanity.
When my first daughter was born, of course she was the most beautiful baby EVER so I put her in a baby pageant - the kind where you have to sell tickets or donate money or something ridiculous (which I didn't do). I dressed her in a little pink onesie only to discover when I got there that everyone else went ALL out. Needless to say, we didn't win and that was the last pageant she ever entered.
9 of 15 | Posted by Clair | Posted on March 6, 2009 9:29 AM
TVannie, love you lady!! I'm so glad to see you on another show. Of course, now that means I have to watch TWO kiddie pagent shows. Just the thought is so tiring. :)
Great job, as always. The Tina/bra pix gave me the giggles.
SWAK, PottyMouth
10 of 15 | Posted by PottyMouth | Posted on March 6, 2009 3:30 PM
I had a really cool idea: they ought to do a 'True Beauty' version of this show.
You know, put a bunch of mother-daughter teams in a house, tell them they're competing for a pageant title --but in reality they're judging the mothers for their abusive behavior toward these kids.
Now that's a show I'd watch.
11 of 15 | Posted by itchy | Posted on March 6, 2009 3:49 PM
Itchy, That Would Be Awesome!
12 of 15 | Posted by Clair | Posted on March 7, 2009 3:05 PM
Dear Potty,
Here's that love right back at you.
I had to comment on Tina. I think people that bully their kids and force them to stay up and rehearse need to be taken down a notch.
Love and luck,
TVannie
13 of 15 | Posted by AnneM | Posted on March 7, 2009 3:40 PM
Getting ready to watch the episode about the little girl with the snake. I only hope that DSS is watching also.
14 of 15 | Posted by fatgirlsrule | Posted on March 7, 2009 9:49 PM
I thought I was the only one who caught Ashley's facial expression when her mother said she could always tell when a kid didn't want to be in a pageant.
And I LOVED that little girl who said she loved to eat crayons.
15 of 15 | Posted by pufferoo | Posted on August 21, 2009 5:26 PM