Jeremy gathers the engineers, the PA, and Maloof's assistant around his laptop and starts playing them his tracks while Slo sits in the studio stewing. The ding of a lightbulb is heard. She tells us that Jeremy is in the other room promoting himself to other producers and he's...USING HER! O. M. GAWD! YA THINK?!??
Sue the Vocal Coach tries to soothe Slo as best she can and get her to practice the song she doesn't seem to have learned yet. No! Slo can't concentrate. She even got her hair did for this bastard and he's not even paying attention to her. Instead, he's getting very sage advice from the older scraggly engineer dude about how to make it in the industry.
"Gotta promote your MySpace page, man. That's where it's at!" - Wise Older Scraggly Engineer Guy, 2008
Jeremy finally decides to deign the princess with a little attention. He gets on the monitors and tells Slo that he doesn't want to put any pressure on her, but they've only got six hours to get er done, so don't fuck up. Poor Slo looks like she wants to cut herself. Meanwhile, her manager is working very hard trying to get her ankles to touch her forehead like they did when she was pretending to be a Rockette back in forty eight.
Turn off my celly, would ya? IT'S ME TIME!
As we get a montage of her working out, she explains that she's a professional dancer (LOL, at least she sticks to her story) but hasn't found much time to work out since devoting her life to her children. At least she's using the time ditching her responsibility doing something positive and not just going to a class so she can flirt with some dude and act like a ho.
Teehee hee hee! Aren't you a tiger?
Meanwhile, back in Studio X, after Jeremy was done with his inspiring pep talk, he went back to hanging out with the PA to wax poetic about how goddamn awesome he is while Slo tries to learn her white girl rap in the booth with Sue the Vocal Coach. She can't concentrate and keeps looking around for Jeremy, and finally takes her headphones off and puts them down. If singing like a beached whale gasping for air isn't gonna get her attention, and if getting her hair did isn't gonna get her attention, and if being the sister to a movie star isn't gonna get her attention, then she's gonna pull out the big guns. She's gonna throw a fit.
"I'm not feeling this song." Sue the Vocal Coach is immediately panicked, and I feel guilty as I laugh my ass off. What do you mean you don't feel it? You love this sowang! Keep practicing and you'll feel it help me god please help me Dina's gonna kill me and I just made a down payment on a Volvo and Jesus Christ you fucking brat SING THE FUCKING SOWANG! But Slo won't do it. "It sounds like a guy sowang." Oh man, I am loving this. Slo tells Sue that Jeremy's nice and everything but she doesn't like being given a time limit because "he has other things to do". Sue is nodding and trying to be supportive, but her face is freaking out and she keeps looking around to see if by some stroke of luck, Jeremy will come bounding around the corner with a completely different personality.
Is that Jeremy there? No. Is that him? No. Dammit. I'm sure he'll be here soon hon. VOLVO.
Outside, Jeremy is telling Maloof's assistant about how much he has going on besides this puny gig. He doesn't name names, but it's probably just because he's creatively visualizing, and we shouldn't fault him for that. I'm sure people are lining up to work with him. Anyone? Well, I tried.
Slo tells us that she's not into the song anymore because she thought she was gonna fall in love and make babies and small independent films no one wants to see like J Lo and Mark Anthony and she spent an hour getting her hair done just to get treated like a meal ticket and a chump since she's been in Vegas, she's really discovered who she is as "an artist" and no longer "feels it". She walks out of the studio, and the camera cuts off before Sue the Vocal Coach drops to her knees crying uncontrollably and cursing the Heavens.
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Comments (3)
Dearest Flipit:
Every night I get down on my knees and unzip some stranger's pants and wrap my li- oh, wait, I mean, I get down on my knees and give thanks to the All-Star Deity Team of Buddha, Vishnu, Jesus, Allah and Mother Madonna that I don't have to sit down and watch this horrible program because you selflessly do it for us. My TV would be so dented and cracked from all the random objects I would be throwing at it if I had to watch even 7 minutes of the Lohan Clan In Action Land, but you're like the Candyman, cuz you mix it up with love and make the show taste good... and even though iJeremy is a total iDouche and shares my first iName, I think you nailed him (and his pseudo-Stevie Wonder ways) to the wall! Much love and kissy-smooches to you for that, you're making 99.99999958823% of the population feel better about their own lives.
love always,
xoxox
J-Mo :)
1 of 3 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on July 15, 2008 8:40 AM
OMG! Poor Flippy . . . . I'm so so so sorry you had to endure that, it was painful in it's awesomely recapped edition, so I can just imagine how the real thing went.
I hear a giant sucking sound, and it's Slo's career being consumed by beelzebub! Hopefully this isn't too damned, being so close to J-mo's All-Star Deity Team, I guess it might come out even.
So, you've officially earned your drink back, you sooo deserve ten after this!!!!
Well, at least BB is back, YAY!
2 of 3 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on July 15, 2008 11:58 AM
Slo's career? This is a career?
Well, in that case, we can look forward to seeing her on I Love Money Season 3.
Thanks for taking the bullet, Flipit. No way I could watch this show.
3 of 3 | Posted by itchy | Posted on July 16, 2008 4:21 AM