Dina tells Hanger that she loves him and knows that he didn't say any of that stuff (uh, he just admitted that he did, delusional) and then blames the press. Hanger blinks really hard and gets all twitchy and I feel embarrassed for him. He is one ugly liar. I am totally inviting him over for poker night. Dina says that she raised her kids to tell the truth (unless they're falling out of cars when being pulled over or trying to hide a coke addiction or signing contracts saying they'll show up for work and then not showing up, but I digress) and she's sure his parents taught him the same thing. Violins start playing and Hanger's face convulses. "I don't have parents, remember?"
Yeah, yeah, neither do my kids. What's your point?
Oh wah, Orphan Annie. She's letting you off the hook. Save the sob story for a rainy day. Sound insensitive? Sorry, but I'm not buyin it. If you want to check out how sincere this twat is, check out this interview.
McVana tells him that he's brand new to the world of fame, and since she'll be by his side to guide the way, he'll be ten steps ahead of the rest. Slohan looks on incredulously at her mother. Then she is dismissed so Dina can have some alone time with him and find out if he's "morally straight" with her old moral vagina. In the kitchen, Hanger says that he would in no "shape way or form" want Dina to think that he doesn't wanna be on TV with her.
She calls him out on looking like a liar and he finally admits that when asked if he was dating Lindsay, he said "watch the show". Dina congratulates him on punking the press. OY. Hanger is now in full on wigga mode. So he twitches, blinks hard, and talks like a nervous gangsta when he's lying. Noted. After Dina forgives him, he smiles slyly and tells her that at least now people know who he is. Dina smiles and almost high fives him for this one. He may be using them, she says, but they're using him too. They just want his Apple Loops because they still can't figure out how to work GarageBand so see? It works both ways. Man this woman is truly despicable.
McVana has received one of the highest honors in Long Island. She is going to be on the cover of the Thrifty Nickel! Congrats and how fitting! She is trying to pick a dress, but Slohan refuses to let her leave the house in the slutty number she's chosen. Dina argues that it's a Stella McCartney, which is funny because Stella would be pissed knowing a woman made of leather purchased one of her outfits. Slohan will not budge on the see thru robe, as if this is the first time she's considered the idea that her mother is a whore. Denise, Ali's cousin, shows up to baby sit, and by then Dina has finally found something perfect to wear to this very special dinner honoring her.
Watch out, Thrifty Nickel!
Nana and McVana's sister and her friend join her for the big dinner, and on the way there they dish about the kids. Nana is kinda mortified that Ali wants to be like her coke head sister, which of course Dina takes as a compliment. She says that she just wants one of her kids to stay in school, but it's hard when Ali's so goddamned talented and gorgeous. LOL. Funniest car ride ever. Dina keeps looking around the car for someone to nod in agreement, but the women just smile tightly and kinda look out the window. I wouldn't argue before a free dinner, either. Nanahan's no moron.
Denise takes Slohan and Cody to a costume shop to try on giant fake boobs (try before you buy) and masks (I like Denise. She's got her finger on the pulse.). This little field trip ignites a Slohan monologue. She wants to be famous and get out there and try to be special and shine. This is sad and I don't know why. My 3 and 1/2 year old niece gave the same monologue over the phone last week and I thought it was hilarious. Who can explain feelings? When they get home from cousin hinting hour, the kids smell something in the house. "It smells like geeyaass".
Denise calls the fire department and they find a tiny electrical fire somewhere. Glad the whole fire department came out for this one. I'll bet if they looked hard enough, they would find a Duff fingerprint somewhere. You know there's gotta be some competition there.
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Comments (5)
What a terrible person.
I haven't decided who to apply that comment to. I started off thinking is was Mamma Lohan, but I could be referring to anyone on this show.
1 of 5 | Posted by hollywoodsucker | Posted on June 4, 2008 4:12 PM
14? Who are they kidding? She's gotta be at least 35!!! She looks older than Lindsay, poor thing. You can tell she had a little crush on that Jeremy kid and was disappointed lol. Also it looks like Dina also wants to bang him. Eww
2 of 5 | Posted by MichyPR | Posted on June 5, 2008 3:05 AM
Ok after the first recap I tried watching. Couldn't make it through the second episode. It works out though, because the recaps are much more entertaining.
3 of 5 | Posted by EZ Rider | Posted on June 5, 2008 2:22 PM
thanks for sticking with me guys. this show is seriously atrocious. erider, please never watch it. i like your brain the way it is and don't want to see it get mushier.
LOVE
4 of 5 | Posted by flipit | Posted on June 6, 2008 2:01 AM
OMG, Flipit! This may be the most perfect marriage of recapper and show ever! I can literally feel your hatred for these atrocious fame-whores through my monitor.
I only just realised u were the one recapping this show so I read both your recaps back-to-bak. Bravo, sir! I laughed so hard I may have sharted.
I'll never actually watch this crapfest but luckily I don't have to, not with these marvelous recaps.
Everyone is so deliciously detestable on this show. My only concern is for poor Cody Foster. How long can he hold onto his innocence before it's sucked out and bottled to be sold to the highest bidder by his harpy of a "mother".
Oh, and your recount of Slohan's demise while Dina danced the night away may be the funniest thing ever written on Tvgasm.
5 of 5 | Posted by bdos88 | Posted on June 7, 2008 8:40 AM