Testimonials

Back at the Thrifty Nickel dinner, guess who else McVana has invited out to share her night of flashbulbs and glamour? Hanger! Hope you get some, Dina. No time for sex now, though. She has to pose for all the photographers on the red carpet. Another rich white lady with too much plastic surgery stands next to her for a picture and I have trouble telling who's who.

Plastic surgery is turning Long Island into I, Robot.

Back at home, smelling the fire has made Ali's throat hurt. OH NO! SHE HAS ASTHMA! SHE COULD DIE! They keep trying to call their mom, but her mailbox is full. Cut to Dina partying hard and putting her hand down the front of Hanger's pants. Cut back to the house, where medics are crying and shouting "HANG ON! DON'T GO TOWARD THE LIGHT!" Cut back to the party, where Nana has her hand down the front of Hanger's pants. Cut back to the house, where Slohan is convulsing on the floor and apologizing to God for coveting what her sister has. Cut back to the party, where McVana is making out with her Crypt Keeper twin and then throwing up in a trash can. Cut back to the house, where white foam is coming out of Slohan's face as she whispers "Please...n n not my tiiiimmmeee I'm not faaaamous enough...." Commercial!!! OMG I hate when they cut us off right in the middle of a disaster! Come on, this is real life, people!

Too late. She's dead.

Cody, our sweet little Jodie Foster as a child lookalike, calls Ty the bodyguard since he can't get ahold of his mom. He says that they smelled something funny in the house and the fire department suggested the get an electrician over asap. He never mentions Ali. LOL, Cody Foster. Ty goes inside to the party and finds McVana to tell her that there was a small electrical fire. Dina tells us that when you hear about something like that happening to your kids, you go into panic mode. Then she ran out of there as fast as possible and rushed home. Kidding! She went to the middle of the dance floor to call, just in case there was a chance she didn't have to leave the ball.

Cody, if Ali dies, call Ty and have her cleaned up before I get home. And you better start learning Hanger's songs, cuz you're next. Love ya buhbye!

After the party, Dina gets home and tells us how proud of her kids she is for knowing how to dial 911 when she never taught them. She's glad they're ok, but adds that it figures the one night she goes out something bad happens at home. Imagine if the tabloids got ahold of this news! They'd rip her to shreds! Well, thank God you only have a camera crew filming you 24/7. Don't worry, the bloids don't watch anything as classy as E! IDIOT.

On what I presume is Monday, Alexis comes to the house for work and Dina fills her in on all the drama. There was a FIRE! The kids were in DANGER! She leads the assistant to the wall to gape at the destruction. Alexis doesn't say anything. She just looks at the tiny fist sized hole in the wall with pursed lips. Love you Alexis.

We're just waiting for a videotape of Osama claiming responsibility.

Hanger comes over in his giant sunglasses to look at the hole and freaks out that "live wires" are hanging out of the walls. Ali points out that they are covered in rubber tape (impressive, Al) so they can't hurt them but Hanger has never heard of this tactic for stopping electricity and orders her away from the wall. Don't worry about getting electrocuted, Hanger. Your backpack will save you.

Then the electrician comes. The problem was a loose outlet. OMG!!!! THA DRAMA! THEY HAVE TO CHANGE AN OUTLET!!! Alexis says there needs to be two escape routes in every room and they need to call a fireman to come over and give them a fire drill. Oh for fuck's sake. I'm about to drive out there and start that house on fire myself.

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Posted in Living Lohan by Flipit at 4:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Last Comment: bdos88 on Jun 7, 2008 08:40 AM.