The next morning, BroHan, Nina and Nanahan rally around Slo, trying to get her out of bed for her audition. She refuses cuz "I DON'T FEEEEEEL GOOOOD!" The perfect ending to this show would be every unworking actor in SAG coming over to Long Island to beat the shit out of this twit. It doesn't happen. Instead, BroHan makes her get up. Assistant Alexis is standing at the bottom of the stairs nervously waiting while playing with her split ends. Dear Assistant Alexis, grow a pair. I am really happy to see that Nanahan didn't wither away and die while the family was in Vegas, as Dina seemed to think she would, but damn. I can't say she's not worse for the wear. Did she do an at home perm out of boredome? Dang, girl. Come towards the light!
This is what it looks like when Nanahan just gives up.
Nanahan tells us that she used to go into auditions for Lindsay, which explains how the girl became a star. She says that Lindsay was always prepared, calm and collected, and had no drama. "She just did what she had to do." Snap and LOL, Nanahan. I missed ya. Sorry for making fun of your perm. The whole way to the audition, Ali whines and complains about not feeling good.
McVana explains to us that Slohan is nervous because she doesn't know if she is going to be judged on her acting abilities or on being Blohan's sister. Well, if she wasn't Blo's sister she wouldn't have the opportunity to be judged on her acting, so I guess Dina is facing a cart before the horse conundrum. Slo has pissed me off today, but I still hope for good things for her so that she gets high enough to hit rock bottom really hard in the future so we'll have something to read about on TMZ. Paris and Kim Kardashian can't tow the line for names without talent forever. Even famewhores retire someday. Anyway, I like trashy Jackie Collins novels, so I hope that the director is really sexy and he and Ali start a crazy intense Hollywood relationship and rule the town until they are ruined by drugs and promiscuous affairs. That positive visualization is dedicated to you, Slo. You're welcome.
And it worked! The guy is a fuckin stud and when they shake hands and look into each other's eyes, rock music plays and electricity bounces of the walls of the audition room in the back of the dry cleaner's.
Someone alert Fabio that he better start doing some goddamn pushups. Competition in the house!
Slimy Director guy asks if she has any questions and she does. "What's like...the plot?" LOL. Smooth, Slo. He creepily performs his rehearsed pitch and then pulls out sketches of his young heroine. Apparently, he is looking for someone young and dumb with GIANT boobs. Jesus, Slimy Director Guy, why don't you just have her sucking off a donkey? Here is another situation where Dina needs to pull herself away from the single serving Dorito's bags at the Kraft services table to make sure her kid isn't molested and impregnated by a...well, a troll.
Do the boobs come with the gig? Could you throw in a nose? Done!
After old man ogling, it's time for Slo to read. She stutters and breaks up her sentences...sorry I'm just trying to come up with another way to say really really bad. Slimy Director Guy gives really brilliant pearls of wisdom like "Let's try it again, and this time make it delicious." In other words, grow giant jugs and shake them in his gross face.
In the greenroom, McVana is pacing back and forth furiously, waiting to see if her baby's ok. Kidding! She's texting.
Jeremy, stop! I'm blushing! My mom's here!
Nana cares what's going on though. Aw! She says that it must be going well because she can't hear any screaming or whining. "No tantrums, so it must be ok." HAHAHAHAA get this woman her own show PLEASE. Dina explains to her mom that it doesn't matter that Slo is awkward and unprepared. If you have an ounce of talent of a famous last name, a good director can spot it and figure out how to make money off it.
And she got the part!! See, Dirty Slimy Director Guy must know what he's doing! Can't wait for that movie. Back at home, we get a montage of Slohan doing what she does: playing with her hair, going through her clothes, shrieking "I'm tiiiired!", and shading her nose. Her single plays through the clips, and I get genuinely sad that this show has come to an end. LOL not.
« The Mole: Like Family Guy, But Funny | Main | Baby Borrowers: Teens Watching Teens - Bring It! »
Comments (12)
Great Recap as always- sadly I've seen both Troll and Troll 2- if anyone out there was a MST3K fan you can watch the 2nd one with the riff from rifftrax.com. I'm not sure if the plot of the first one really warrented a sequel- or a remake. I didn't think the acting could get much worse than the second one but I guess we'll see when the remake comes out.
1 of 12 | Posted by Reiray | Posted on July 29, 2008 9:02 AM
Not going to miss the show but really going to miss your recaps of it so... onward to Season 2! Lindsay brings home her DJ girlfriend when BroHan is home and wacky "Three's Company" highjinks ensue. Actually, I think they're almost playing at a "Soap"-worthy level there. Am I dating myself with the TV references? I'd rather watch the NanaHan spin off anyway.
2 of 12 | Posted by kizarny | Posted on July 29, 2008 9:53 AM
hmm . . . is it possible that Cody is secretly being whored under the guise of whoring Slo, coz he's the only one tolerable . . . and Nanahan of course . . . and Flip, I can't imagine you wont get your wish with this one . . . at least Blo has some talent for acting, I actually liked Freaky Friday . . . but then, I'm a crack head! I'm so glad you're free of this!!!!! Yay!!!! and your doing such a fantastic job with BB and PR so all of you fans here, tune in for great recaps of , well, at least one great show!
and is it me, that ringtone reminds me of, "They're all gonna laugh at you!"
HUGS
3 of 12 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on July 29, 2008 11:27 AM
Long time reader, first time poster, cause this has to be said:
Who remembers "The Neverending Story" and Atreyu? Well, the kid who played Atreyu (who's now 36 and all grown up) is gonna be in Troll.
Atreyu.....Ali Lohan.
So wrong!
4 of 12 | Posted by LemonSugar | Posted on July 29, 2008 12:27 PM
Noah Hathaway is gonna be in that movie...he played Atreyu in "The Neverending Stroy".
Ali Lohan next to true actors? Oy!
5 of 12 | Posted by LemonSugar | Posted on July 29, 2008 12:28 PM
Haha, I'm such a goober. Told yall I was new to this. Sorry about that double post thing there.
6 of 12 | Posted by LemonSugar | Posted on July 29, 2008 12:30 PM
I scarcely remember the movie, but wasn't the theme song by Kajagoogoo! la la la la la la la la la . . .
7 of 12 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on July 29, 2008 12:51 PM
Actually Juddfan, it was by the LEAD SINGER of Kajagoogoo, known as "Limahl" and it was called "The Neverending Story" and the song was written by Giorgio Moroder who created many hits for Donna Summer and several other disco artists in the 70's. I own the 12 inch. It has a picture on it. Limahl with blonde tips and black hair underneath. I think Slohan should try that as a look. It would make her easier to hit with rocks if she ran away from me...
love, J-Mo :)
8 of 12 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on July 29, 2008 2:50 PM
OMG Flipit!
I just had to tell you that Jeremey the producer guy messaged me on myspace because I had Lindsay Lohan in my interests (bc I love reading about her on Perez). He was basically telling me that I might recognize him from Living Lohan and to check out his page. Psssh, I flagged it as spam. What a creeper.
9 of 12 | Posted by Chickadee2586 | Posted on August 1, 2008 8:25 AM
OMG Flipit!
I just had to tell you that Jeremey the producer guy messaged me on myspace because I had Lindsay Lohan in my interests (bc I love reading about her on Perez). He was basically telling me that I might recognize him from Living Lohan and to check out his page. Psssh, I flagged it as spam. What a creeper.
10 of 12 | Posted by Chickadee2586 | Posted on August 1, 2008 8:26 AM
OMG!! Flipit,
did you hear over the weekend the hilarious news about Ali's 'Troll' audition? Apparently the director and the producer she met with both are 'huge presences' in the PORN MOVIE industry, with many 'classics' to their names.
The whole entertainment TV media circus was abuzz with this story, and I was just about peeing my pants from laughter when they were quoting his comments during the audition: "Now make it MORE DELICIOUS"!!! Ha ha ha.
Sadly it is not surprising that Dina would allow her 14-year old to meet with a porn director. She is both that stupid and that calous to have done, knowingly or unknowingly. Her pursuit of publicy and fame both for Ali and herself is sometimes just painfull to watch, but this takes the cake. What a perfect cap to the whole season of this travesty.
I sure will miss it, mostly for missing your recaps.
11 of 12 | Posted by renata | Posted on August 4, 2008 8:56 AM
both of your comments grossed me out. haha. thanks so much for reading you guys. chick did you cancel your myspace? you better make sure he didn't give you a viral std. and i absolutely love that mcvana gave her kid to a porn producer!! LOLOLLL no wonder his sketch was so ridonk. love you guys, thanks for being with me through this weird ass show. xo
12 of 12 | Posted by Anonymous | Posted on August 4, 2008 3:36 PM