This week Dina McVana Lohan starts by telling us that photographers are coming over today to a shoot of her and Ali for Vanity Fair. Gotcha! I meant Animal Fair. What, did you think Vanity Fair just gave up on life or what? They won't be doing this shoot because Dina is an uncontrollable fame whore with no boundaries, but because "we love animals..." that get us into magazines. What really kills me about this is that just last week, McVana was telling us how important it was that she was trusting Access Hollywood with Ali's story because she has never ever ever let cameras into her home before. I guess once the seal was broken she became a house shooting slut.

ANYOOOO, she's getting about thirty pounds of makeup put on to make her look like less cro mag and tells the young Jodie Foster to go let the "reporters" (sorry for the quotation marks, Animal Fair people, but you write for Animal Fair.) in and warn his sis that it's almost shoot time. He won't leave the room, because watching 100 pounds of pancake being carefully applied to his mom's face is just too damned entertaining. I don't blame him. It's like watching the Statue of Liberty being restored. Finally, McVana threatens to put him in make up if he doesn't do as he's told. The threat worked on the real young Jodie Foster, and it works on Cody too. What a lesbian.

He leaves, but instead of trying to pull his sister, Slohan, away from desperately shading her nose to look as thin as Lindsay's, he calls Mike Lohan. Unfortunately, it's not the in and out of prison father Michael, but his son. Cody says that he's being forced to do more girl stuff and just wants to spend some time bonding. Guest appearance! From the clip we saw of Mike last week, he's as interesting as drywall, but it will be fun to see how McVana tries to market a visit home.

The photographers arrive and it's McVana's time to shine. Just in case the "reporters" forget why they're there (payoff and the promise of a possible Lindsay cameo, no doubt) Dina insists that the shoot is done in the room that most represents her as a dog lover. The Lindsay shrine.

Two sets of twins.

The "reporter" asks a lot of really important questions, but the rule (from what I can gather) is they all have to be asked in cute dog themed ways. "Do you feel like you're working like a dog?" "Do you have to go tinkle or doody?" McVana fields these toughies like a pro. When she is asked how she juggles managing the busy careers of her daughters while taking care of five dogs, she shrugs and says "ya just do it." Fascinating. If the "reporter" was worth her beans, she would have dug a little deeper (get it?) and found Alexis doing the actual work. Unfortunately though, Alexis the Assistant isn't allowed on camera because she still hasn't changed out of that fucking argyle sweater she wears every single week.

Slohan doesn't have much to say (I know you're shocked by that development) and starts scratching her face and rubbing her butt across the carpet. Dina shouts firm "NO!"s and threateningly rolls up a newspaper, but the kid won't listen. Even the dogs are looking at her like she's the biggest moron in the world. Dina excuses her to take care of that hideous itch in private while the "reporter" asks if running from reporters and trying not to get caught peeing behind a bush is stressful, and McVana's answer is that she was in show business back in her day and then, no one gave a crap where you crapped but now it's a different world. Yeah, back in 1919 reporters didn't chase funny looking twigs who pretended to be Rockettes in their back yard.

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Posted in Living Lohan by Flipit at 6:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)
Last Comment: TheGreatAndPowerfulShaz on Jun 21, 2008 08:42 AM.