Testimonials

Oh what ever will become of this sad, needy family? Later that night, Mike plays daddy. He tucks Cody in, gives Slohan shit about not gambling in Vegas (how can she when she has to WORK!?!), and robs a liquor store for money to pay for his drugs. Woah, Mike. You can just play daddy without playing your daddy. Jeeze. The next morning, Mike hones in on Slohan's dog problems. No, he doesn't buy her a paper bag. Don't be rude. Ali wants a dog. Well, if she gets one, is she gonna feed it? Is she gonna pick up it's poop? Of course not. And that's a problem because....has Mike been gone so long that he's forgotten all about Assistant Alexis? What's the hell does she make money for if not to pick up this family's crap? I do have to say though, as hideous as this family is to me, their dogs are hilarious. This show should be about them.

Someone has to feed them.

Ali finds Dina pretending to do dishes in the kitchen and asks for a dog. Dina's like OH HELL NO!!! "You don't even help Alexis me with the dogs we have now." Then Slo throws a fit, complete with jerky arms and stampy feet. "I WANT A DOWAAAAAG!" As Bernie Mac once advised, "America, beat your children." Dina stays firm, so Slo kicks her in the spine and runs up the stairs, slamming her door behind her. Dina goes up and sits on the edge of her bed, giving a really heartwarming speech about respect and earning what you want. Kidding! She tells her she hates being yelled at and then slams the door twice as hard as Slo did.

Slo invites her cousin over to witness her rebellion. She gets online and finds a pet store selling the biggest idiot bimbo dog in the world, the micro mini maltese. Girls like this make me want to stomp those purse dogs like bugs. She and cuz drive to the store and Ali finds the pup she wants. The puppy stares at her nose long and hard and whines, as if to say "you should really do something about that," but Slo loves it anyway and spends more than my rent on it.

When she gets back home, she stands by the front window with the puppy and waits for Dina to get back home. When she does, she gets all excited and runs to the door to greet her mom with the new dog. McVana flips her lid and says the dog has to go back. Slohan simpers off whining "GAAAAWD" and McVana picks up the phone to call Page Six about it. Daughter defies mother with bimbo purse dog. The world will be riveted.

Nanahan comes to the house to do some mothering, since no one else seems to know how to do it. HOLLA NANAHAN!! She tells Dina that "no means no" and what Slohan has done is as bad as rape. Dina counters that with all the pain Slo's been going through what with the mean girls and all, maybe having something to love and comfort would be a help. Nanahan calls "cop out", and says again that no means no. Dina says that she will give Slo 24 hours to prove herself. If the dog's not dead, the kid wins. OY. Nanahan says if she wants to let her kid rape her then fine.

Dina goes up to Slo's room and finds her pouting. She says she can keep the dog if she picks up poop and walks it. Montage of Slohan picking up poop while squealing and then walking six dogs. Dina informs us that she is really impressed with how responsible Ali's being today and she really admires her. God I fucking hate these people. Dina says that the dog can stay. Cut to Cody walking all the dogs. LOL. Poor kid.

He just stood in the crosswalk for ten minutes waiting for someone to run him over. Can you blame him?

Nina has basically been hiding out and reading magazines in Mike's room, which sounds like a plan to me. He goes up to pack their clothes so they can leave the next day. She tells him that she wants to go see her own family that night before they go, and he has a shit fit because the whole reason they're there is to see his family. They have issues with trust and want to know that Nina will be there through thick and thin, and she's sending a bad message by going to see her family. What a shit head.

« A Shot At Love II with Tila Tequila: New Jersey - A Swing State | Main | Last Comic Standing: The End of A Looooong Road and the Start of Another »

Posted in Living Lohan by Flipit at 6:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)
Last Comment: TheGreatAndPowerfulShaz on Jun 21, 2008 08:42 AM.