In the penthouse, Cody is bored off his ass. Dina asks him what he wants to do and the only thing he says is "soccer". Come on you little lez, you're in VEGAS, BABY! McVana considers taking the kid to some museums, but then settles on the next best thing. A lunch date with Lance Burton, renowned magician. Was Phyllis Diller busy? Lance does all sorts of sleight of hand tricks with plastic bunnies, and then he starts pulling silverware out of Dina's face. She thinks it's all fun and games until he gets a screw. Hey! That was supposed to be there! Put it back before her face falls off! The real magic here is Lance's head shot. Dang, boy. If you could make yourself look like that I'd pay to see your show.
The disappearing waddle.
After Lance leaves, Dina looks at Cody with a big jack-o-lantern grin, like "see? Mommy loves you!" Cody Foster shrugs. "Can we play soccer now?" It's been a couple of hours, and poor Slo is still trying to squawk out the first two lines of the song. Her vocal coach Susan is in the booth with her trying to pump her up and make her believe that she's not making angels cry. Me thinks Susan is a con artist. If you take two hours and still can't get out two damn lines, the vocal coach should be burned at the stake. Big Maloof, who is watching, seems to agree with me. He no look happy. Slo keeps whining "that was beead! Don't looie! It was ooowaful!" Susan jumps up and down and spouts positive reinforcements, but no one's buyin'. She gets annoyed and tells Ali that she better start believing in herself like everyone else does. It's not like all these people don't have anything better to do. "There's food here!" LOL, Sue.
Oh Eman. Now you're gonna work even less.
To the studio's chagrin, Ali takes off her headphones and tries not to cry. The stress is killing her. She's not confident and she's scared of what everyone's gonna think about her when this album comes out. Well, it's a little late for that, but I do feel for Slo. I give her a lot of crap here, but she is just a fourteen year old girl who's way in over her head. It's a dilemma. When you see a fly on your window sill, you swat it. When you see a baby fly, do you swat it? OF COURSE YOU DO! You might feel horrible about it, but you know that if you don't swat it, it will just grow into an adult fly and it will be all over shit and buzz in your ear and annoy you. I forgot what my point was. Oh yeah. Ali's crying.
The Maloofs ask Eman how Ali's voice is for a 14 year old and he says that it's great (cough) but he's getting annoyed with her negativity. The Maloofs don't care about that. They just wanna know how much they stand to lose. Let's put it this way. Stick to slots.
Montage of McVana taking Cody Foster all over Vegas. He brings his soccer ball everywhere with him, which is adorable and sad. They go to the Liberace Museum, the arcade at the Luxor, and finally the wax museum. The best part is when Elvis takes a picture with the wax McVana. Wait. Other way around? Dammit. Who's dead? I can't tell the diff. They both look so lifelike.
Back in the studio, Eman decides to have a talk with Ali. He walks to the booth glass and asks if he can tell her a story. She rolls her eyes and sits back to listen. "All the greatest singers are the hardest workers, Ali." She gives him a thumbs up and says "great story. Thanks. When am I done?" L. O. L. Eman lets her go on break and tries coming up with a better story.
Maybe I can organize a lunch with Lance Burton.
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Comments (9)
The only way Slohan will get ANYBODY to listen to her music for laughs and play it to the horror of the listening public everywhere is to marry Britney Spears and put a K in front of her name.
1 of 9 | Posted by Fayellis1 | Posted on July 1, 2008 8:51 AM
Wow, Flip, seems like you're starting to like this . . . ; )
Gotta say, that little snippet at the end there, hmmm, well, I think you forgot, or they forgot to add Auto-Tune to the mix, funny how so few words can have so many pitch bends and volume warbles . . . so that means, LOVE IT!!!
Have you ever seen Lins's "Daughter to Father" video . . . very, very, very overdramatic . . . but you gotta love the weepy close up at the end . . . CLASSIC!!!
Well HEART-KISSSES and FLOWERS to ya! I've been meaning to ask too, are you watching "She's Got the Look" -now that's my kind of trash TV!!!!
2 of 9 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on July 1, 2008 2:26 PM
I am a first-time poster, even though I've been a faithful Lost recap reader for years, and I just have to say BRAVO to Flipit! Thank you for taking one for the team, so we don't have to watch this godawful show. I wouldn't watch it to save my life, but your recaps are so absolutely hilarious that I can't wait to read the next one. It's very hard to muffle explosions of laughter behind cubicle walls, however. What other shows do you recap? I have to read them! Thanks for all the laughs!
3 of 9 | Posted by Wild Heart | Posted on July 1, 2008 2:57 PM
KSlo? i like it!
juddsy, i don't watch she's got the look, i just read yenta's hilary recaps of it. if only the golden girls were still around...bea would've been stellar on that one.
and welcome wild! thanks for the props! next for me are big bro and project runway! HOLLA! you guys make life worth living. xo
4 of 9 | Posted by flipit | Posted on July 1, 2008 9:04 PM
LOLLLLL at all the screen shot captions! Flipit you crack me up...and I'm right there with you Wild Heart, it is SO hard to muffle laughter when you sit inches away from another human being! My co-workers probably think I'm crazy! Yippee!!!!
And flipit, I can't wait for the BB & PR recaps - I love those shows and they're just around the corner!
5 of 9 | Posted by smolls | Posted on July 2, 2008 10:54 AM
I would love for FLIPIT to follow me around for one day and recap my life. But I guess trying to find a funny way of say she had red bull for breakfast and spent the entire first half of her workday reading recaps on TVgasm would be an almost impossible mission. But going home and watching me do the Firm workouts and following "Sue Mei" the one who helps the people who can't use weights, that would be good for a few chuckles. Hell, I just recapped my own day. Never mind.
6 of 9 | Posted by Fayellis1 | Posted on July 2, 2008 12:02 PM
No arguments from me on alot of this (although I dont know what possess' you people to sit and tear people apart for an activity...really nothing better to do? Really?
I know Susan (the vocal coach) - she is an extremely talented vocalist and musician who is working as best as she can with a pretty difficult group. Your suggestion that she is a con artist was upsetting enough to get me to write in this ridiculous forum...please...begging you people to please find a hobby that gets you out of the house for awhile?
7 of 9 | Posted by BuddyLevinsky | Posted on July 3, 2008 10:11 AM
Dear BuddyLevinsky:
Perhaps you are confused - this site is for fun and it's all in jest. No one means any harm by any of this. It's just a way to have some fun with the shows so many of us watch. I'm sure "Susan" is a fine vocal coach & musician.
It's funny you're telling us all to go outside (how do you know we're not outside already...?) and to get a new hobby, when it appears you spend an ample amount of time online too - so maybe it's you who needs to find a new hobby to keep yourself away from this "ridiculous" forum...really!
Sincerely,
smolls
8 of 9 | Posted by smolls | Posted on July 3, 2008 12:10 PM
My first post! This recap had me crackin up and I've never even watched this show.
Dear BuddyLevinsky, it's a website for fun! Also, I believe when you agree to do a reality show you open up the floor for viewers to form their own opinions.
9 of 9 | Posted by love recaps | Posted on July 3, 2008 2:05 PM