Slohan comes back from her break and twirls around and plays with her hair. She gets back in front of the mic when an announcement from Eman comes through the speakers. "You're done. For the day." Instead of feeling like a total tool, she gets all excited. He pulls her into an office and gives her a speech. She has a modicum of talent and could be really decent at this if she stopped acting like a spoiled bimbo brat and made an effort. He tells her that after this recording process, she might be one thousand times better. You could be good! She laughs and jokingly asks "so I'm not great now?" He doesn't answer. HAHA Eman. Slo looks like this is the first time she has ever considered the possibility that she's not Pavarotti.
I dare you to say that again in front of mommy.
Ali goes to the empty penthouse and calls Dina, who is still out on the town with Cody Foster. Not hearing the despair in Slohan's voice (or not caring), McVana goes on and on about how much fun they're having. Slo starts crying. "No faaaair! You guys did everything! I didn't do anythingggg!!! WAAAAHH! No faaiiir! I'm tiiiiired!" What a brat. McVana says that she's on her way home and they can go to some clubs and get wasted to make up for time missed. Actually, she promises "down time", but I have a feeling that's what she meant. On her way home, Dina wonders how she's gonna pay the mortgage. If she was paying any attention at all, she would have noticed the marquee on the cab next to her and realized that she could be the one with a career if only she'd admit that she's not twenty.
Where fake Rockettes go to die.
When she gets back to the penthouse, McVana explains to Slo that being an untalented star is even harder work than being a real star and if she doesn't want to do it, they can hand the Maloofs back their sack fulls of money. Slo decides that she will continue to record even though it means missing Elvis posing with her mom.
McVana pulls Eman aside and tells him to treat Ali with kid gloves and to give her ten minute breaks. It will make all the difference in the world. Also, if you have some ear plugs and some demerol, that would help too. Then, she takes Slo to a big huge stage in the hotel and lets her sing along with her own recording to get the feel of what singing on a huge stage might be like. Wow. Two horrible voices at once. There's always a bargain to be had at the Palms. Thanks, Maloofs! The audience is empty. They really are making this as realistic as possible. All that's missing are rotten tomatoes splatting all over the stage.
The next day, McVana joins her kid in the studio and brings her false confidence with her. Slohan does a million times better than the day before. Sure, a million times zero is zero, but who's doing math? Certainly no one in this family. She sounds not as sucky, is my point. And after some pro tools effects, then some live effects, and then some reason effects, she's put back through the photoshop effects and when everyone gathers to listen to the final product, it doesn't sound like the Holocaust. I mean that as a compliment. This kid is gonna make it!
Next week, Cody Foster gets shy at a party full of Playboy Bunnies and asks his mom for makeup and a training bra. See you then!!
Mom, I think I like girls.
PS - Guys it's been awhile since I made you a new ringtone for your celly. This is Slohan at her most brilliant. Enjoy and LOVE!
This one is for your iPhone:
And this one is for your MP3 cell (Blackberry, etc.):
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Comments (9)
The only way Slohan will get ANYBODY to listen to her music for laughs and play it to the horror of the listening public everywhere is to marry Britney Spears and put a K in front of her name.
1 of 9 | Posted by Fayellis1 | Posted on July 1, 2008 8:51 AM
Wow, Flip, seems like you're starting to like this . . . ; )
Gotta say, that little snippet at the end there, hmmm, well, I think you forgot, or they forgot to add Auto-Tune to the mix, funny how so few words can have so many pitch bends and volume warbles . . . so that means, LOVE IT!!!
Have you ever seen Lins's "Daughter to Father" video . . . very, very, very overdramatic . . . but you gotta love the weepy close up at the end . . . CLASSIC!!!
Well HEART-KISSSES and FLOWERS to ya! I've been meaning to ask too, are you watching "She's Got the Look" -now that's my kind of trash TV!!!!
2 of 9 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on July 1, 2008 2:26 PM
I am a first-time poster, even though I've been a faithful Lost recap reader for years, and I just have to say BRAVO to Flipit! Thank you for taking one for the team, so we don't have to watch this godawful show. I wouldn't watch it to save my life, but your recaps are so absolutely hilarious that I can't wait to read the next one. It's very hard to muffle explosions of laughter behind cubicle walls, however. What other shows do you recap? I have to read them! Thanks for all the laughs!
3 of 9 | Posted by Wild Heart | Posted on July 1, 2008 2:57 PM
KSlo? i like it!
juddsy, i don't watch she's got the look, i just read yenta's hilary recaps of it. if only the golden girls were still around...bea would've been stellar on that one.
and welcome wild! thanks for the props! next for me are big bro and project runway! HOLLA! you guys make life worth living. xo
4 of 9 | Posted by flipit | Posted on July 1, 2008 9:04 PM
LOLLLLL at all the screen shot captions! Flipit you crack me up...and I'm right there with you Wild Heart, it is SO hard to muffle laughter when you sit inches away from another human being! My co-workers probably think I'm crazy! Yippee!!!!
And flipit, I can't wait for the BB & PR recaps - I love those shows and they're just around the corner!
5 of 9 | Posted by smolls | Posted on July 2, 2008 10:54 AM
I would love for FLIPIT to follow me around for one day and recap my life. But I guess trying to find a funny way of say she had red bull for breakfast and spent the entire first half of her workday reading recaps on TVgasm would be an almost impossible mission. But going home and watching me do the Firm workouts and following "Sue Mei" the one who helps the people who can't use weights, that would be good for a few chuckles. Hell, I just recapped my own day. Never mind.
6 of 9 | Posted by Fayellis1 | Posted on July 2, 2008 12:02 PM
No arguments from me on alot of this (although I dont know what possess' you people to sit and tear people apart for an activity...really nothing better to do? Really?
I know Susan (the vocal coach) - she is an extremely talented vocalist and musician who is working as best as she can with a pretty difficult group. Your suggestion that she is a con artist was upsetting enough to get me to write in this ridiculous forum...please...begging you people to please find a hobby that gets you out of the house for awhile?
7 of 9 | Posted by BuddyLevinsky | Posted on July 3, 2008 10:11 AM
Dear BuddyLevinsky:
Perhaps you are confused - this site is for fun and it's all in jest. No one means any harm by any of this. It's just a way to have some fun with the shows so many of us watch. I'm sure "Susan" is a fine vocal coach & musician.
It's funny you're telling us all to go outside (how do you know we're not outside already...?) and to get a new hobby, when it appears you spend an ample amount of time online too - so maybe it's you who needs to find a new hobby to keep yourself away from this "ridiculous" forum...really!
Sincerely,
smolls
8 of 9 | Posted by smolls | Posted on July 3, 2008 12:10 PM
My first post! This recap had me crackin up and I've never even watched this show.
Dear BuddyLevinsky, it's a website for fun! Also, I believe when you agree to do a reality show you open up the floor for viewers to form their own opinions.
9 of 9 | Posted by love recaps | Posted on July 3, 2008 2:05 PM