On this week's Lost, Sawyer lays a smackdown, Sun looks at some old photos, Benry holds the mustard, and the Dharma Initiative leaves us all wondering, "Nama-what?"
Previously, on Lost Project Runway...
"Hell YES we'd like to help you build a runway for no apparent reason out here in the middle of nowhere! Woo!"
"Make it work!"
***
"And that's when I say to Zack Morris, 'Look dude, I don't want to be stealing your girl' and Kelly Kapowski gives me this hug and then Screech does this dance..."
"You were seriously on Saved by the Bell?"
"IMDB that shit, bee-otch."
So then the plane starts going MENTAL and flopping around in the sky and Frank "I Can Land Anything" La Penis is all "JUST HUNKER DOWN, IT AIN'T NO THANG!"
And then this co-pliot dude is like, "OH WOW LOOK, THERE JUST HAPPENS TO BE A RUNWAY OUT HERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE JUNGLE FOR NO APPARENT REASON!"
And using the most up-to-date video game graphics [for 1997], the plane touched down!
But then he started going, "I'm a leaf on the wind" and we're like OH NO NOT THAT but by then it was too late.
The dude was a Pilot-kebob.
And then Frank and Sun practiced their "I'M SHITTING MY PANTS RIGHT NOW" faces for later on in the episode, and they're like "Oh no where are the others??"
Ben: The Others?
Frank and Sun: No, not The Others, just the others!
Ben: The other Others?
Frank and Sun: NO, just you know, the others!
Ben: I'm sorry, you're going to have to be a little more descriptive.
***
30 Years Earlier...
***
So Hurley, Kate, Jack, Sawyer, and Jin are having an altogether adorable reunion back in '77.
And Hurley and Sawyer shared a very bromantic hug!
And Jack's like "Sorry, I'm just gonna shake your hand. I practice drugs, not hugs."
Kate: Hello Sawy...James!
Sawyer: Hello Freck...Kate!
Kate: Wow, you must be really happy to see me...?
Sawyer: That's just a hard salami I was saving for lunch.
And Jack's thinking, Wow, this is awkward. I don't think it could GET any more awkward than this. Yeesh.
And we're like LOL don't worry, don't worry. OF COURSE IT GETS MORE AWKWARD.
"I didn't want any tearful hugs, by the way. I'm cool just standing here."
"So guys, what the hell have you been up to?? I've been good, joined the Dharma Initiative a few years ago, back in '74, good pay, decent benefits package. Got myself a cute lady, not gonna mention any names, but she's a good woman. Been reading some books, you know, same old shit, different decade."
"Well, what have I been up to? Just kind of kicking around, growing a beard, perjuring myself in court, losing my medical license. Ummm what else? Got myself a Land Rover and a denim jacket...uuuuummmm, did some Speed Jating, had a thing for a while with a single mom and her kid, but it didn't work out. Took a buttload of Xanax."
"...hmmm, what else have I..been...up...to..."
"Just you know, workin' on my daddy issues, going to Locke's funeral, and um, hm, I saw Dreamgirls like 6 times in the theaters, um, flying around a lot. Found out I have a sister. And oh yeah, we fell out of a plane a few minutes ago. Sayid was there, ya know. OH and La Penis!"
"...Oh yeah and that guy that was on Saved by the Bell! OHHH and this French guy, and this woman that looked like Ana-Lucia. AND OH OH and Ben too. So that was about it."
Jack: And I had chicken on the flight over. Not bad. A little dry.
Everyone else: ...
Jack: OH WAIT, did I forget to say Sun was on the plane too?
Jin: *runs away, leaving cloud of cartoon dust in his wake*
"Yikes."
***
Juliet: What's going on, James?
Sawyer: They came back!!
Juliet: Surely you can't be serious!
Sawyer: I am very serious! And please, don't call me James!
Juliet: Jesus, just make with the telling what happened already!
Sawyer: Well, Jack's been growing a beard...
*10 minutes go by*
Sawyer: ...and his chicken on the plane was dry. Oh and Sun was on the plane. And I think we should break up. I mean..no. Forget about that last part.
***
So the poor man's Paul Giamatti is hanging out at The Flame...
*humming to himself*
♫ You've gotta make your own kind of music, sing you own special song ♫
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Comments (16)
"You're a controlling, self righteous, pompous drama queen that cries more than a 15-year-old PMS-ing girl watching Terms of Endearment! BOOM. ROASTED."
'bout time! THANK YOU, JIM!
The Lost creators seem to be under the misapprehension that Jack is the hero of the show. C'mon the guy is a dickwad.
I love your recaps, Ack, almost as much as I love the show!
1 of 16 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on March 22, 2009 5:49 PM
I LOVED this recap....so freakin' funny!!!!!! You are so talented, Ack!
This show just keeps getting better and better...I have so many thoughts and questions...anyone else here addicted to Lostpedia?
2 of 16 | Posted by dani2526 | Posted on March 22, 2009 6:07 PM
That kid that showed up at the end? Two words: GREAT CASTING
I had fun reading this "recap," it was hilarious!
3 of 16 | Posted by geewits | Posted on March 22, 2009 11:52 PM
great recap as always....as an aside, anyone know what happened to greybishop's recaps on his page? The two recaps together were a perfect compliment
4 of 16 | Posted by pappy44 | Posted on March 23, 2009 10:11 AM
i loved your recap! hilarious! i am curious where greybishops recaps went, where is his page? i liked the theories he researched but nothing makes me laugh harder then snapshots of jack crying and your funny captions. i too screamed when sawyer verbally bitch slapped jack. definitely feel for juliet always being second fiddle to kate. no fair.
5 of 16 | Posted by mynameisjenn | Posted on March 23, 2009 2:15 PM
hey you guys can find greybishops recaps at greybishop.blogspot.com. also he does a lost podcast every thurs night at 7 eastern time here at the gasm!
great recap ack!!
6 of 16 | Posted by flipit | Posted on March 23, 2009 2:52 PM
has he done the last 2 episodes? all i see is the thing about the satellite...
7 of 16 | Posted by pappy44 | Posted on March 23, 2009 4:42 PM
I'm very ashamed to be writing this, but that co-pilot is not the guy from Saved by the Bell. That's another guy by the name of Patrick Muldoon, who used to be on Days and maybe Melrose Place too, and OMG, WTF is wrong with me?!!!
8 of 16 | Posted by lola1971 | Posted on March 23, 2009 6:45 PM
Actually Lola, don't worry. That guy IS from Saved By the Bell! His name is Dan Gauthier haha.
Saved by the Bell: Hawaiian Style (1992) (TV) .... Brian Hanson
I'm the sad one in this scenario.
9 of 16 | Posted by ack_attack | Posted on March 23, 2009 6:56 PM
Loved the exchange you made between Kate and Juliette. Perfect!! I thought your recap and this episode were both great! :-)
10 of 16 | Posted by JustJesse | Posted on March 24, 2009 8:29 AM
Oh yeah! And Dharma Chameleons? How creative!!!
11 of 16 | Posted by JustJesse | Posted on March 24, 2009 8:30 AM
Ack - Your recaps get better and better each week! And cleverer, too, if that's a word. Keep 'em coming!
12 of 16 | Posted by itsCleo | Posted on March 24, 2009 11:47 AM
And I thought I was the only one thrilled about Sawyer's dressing down of Jack! Everyone else who write about this seems to think Sawyer was being "mean." Jack deserved it.
13 of 16 | Posted by Allison | Posted on March 24, 2009 12:08 PM
Oh Ack, you are right! And once again, I shamefully admit that I've seen the Hawaiian one too. He was the bad guy dating Kelly trying to take her grandfather's property away or something? Oh, shame on the both of us!!!
14 of 16 | Posted by lola1971 | Posted on March 25, 2009 3:55 PM
"I'm a leaf on the wind" oh no!! haha. I was hoping you would get that Firefly reference!!! That makes me so happy!!! I thought I would be the only one to get that.
15 of 16 | Posted by flallet | Posted on March 29, 2009 8:07 PM
*oops, actually Serenity reference, but you know what i mean.
16 of 16 | Posted by flallet | Posted on March 29, 2009 8:12 PM