This week on Lost, Jin learns French, Sun receives some unsettling news, and Locke gets to make another sacrifice to the Island.
Previously on Lost Jin's Vocabulary...
UDDERS!
Gun!
CAM-PING!
...boat?
***
So little Ji Yeon's on the phone with her mummy, and she's going, "When are you coming back?"
"I'll be home soon, baby. I've just got to kill a little bug-eyed bitch and then I'll be on my way. Annyong!"
And Annyong was like, "Hello?"
Then Sun gets out of the car and goes over to Benry and is like, "YOU KILLED MY HUSBAND. IF YOU WANT BEEF THEN BRING THE RUCKUS, SUN-HWA KWON AIN'T NOTHIN TO F**K WITH."
"No way, I can prove that he's alive! And also he speaks French now! Now let me take approximately 42 minutes to explain how and why I know this!"
***
Back on the island, Jin is confused. This chick claims to be Danielle Rousseau and yet she is all young and hot and pregnant and not completely crazy, and most importantly not dead. And now she tells him it's 1988!?
"HOW CAN THIS BE 1988? WHERE ARE YOUR "DON'T WORRY BE HAPPY" T-SHIRTS? WHY IS YOUR HAIR NOT CRIMPED AND/OR FROSTED? WHY DON'T THESE GUYS HAVE STUPID DON JOHNSON WHITE BLAZERS WITH ROLLED CUFFS?"
"Dude, calm down! Tell me how to get to the radio tower! I want to broadcast "I've Had the Time of My Life" all over the island so Danielle and I can practice our Dirty Dancing moves!"
"...Shiiit."
***
So now they're off to find the radio tower, and Danielle and Robert are being super cute and you're thinking, "Maybe this will be a parallel universe in which Danielle doesn't go all Rambo and kill everyone....right? Cause I kind of like this guy."
"I'm Montand! I'm an epic dickhead! Where is Nadine, that bitch? This is what happens when you bring a woman! She's probably out there chasing a butterfly and PMS-ing while asking for directions and nagging all the male polar bears about when they're going to fix the toilet!"
Little did Montand know, Nadine was toast. FRENCH TOAST.
The Smoke Monster was all, "WTF, WHO IS THIS MISOGYNISTIC ASSHOLE!?"
Smoke Monster: tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch
Montand: WTF!?
Smoke Monster: 1950 CALLED, THEY WANT THEIR SOCIAL MORES BACK.
Montand: FRENCH, MOTHERF**KER! DO YOU SPEAK IT?
Smoke Monster: VA TE FAIRE FOUTRE!!!!!!!!!
Smokey was hungry for French food!!! And there was Super Action Jungle Music so you knew this was serious business!!!
AND MONTAND'S ARM GOT RIPPED OFF! AND THAT'S WHY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE!
So everyone thinks he's been sucked down into this Smoke Monster hole, but all of the sudden they hear his voice and he's like, Hello up there? I'm still alive but am in quite a lot of pain. I think my legs might be broken but, i'll try to stand up... AGHHHHH! Yes, they are broken!
And the guys are like, "Oh my GOD are we going to have to go down there and get him!? I never even liked that guy!"
Perhaps you could toss me a Band Aid, or some antibacterial cream? I am in an extraordinary amount of pain! The wound is beginning to smell a little like almonds, which is not good. I fear it might be gangrenous! Anyone...?
So the guys lower themselves into the Hole of Doom and Danielle is ready to follow them, but then Jin is like, "NO! It is dangerous! And plus you won't fit through that little hole, look at you!! You're rounder than Locke's noggin!"
But then Jin flashes away! And after a bit of wandering around, he finds the guys who just went into the hole, but they're a lot more dead than when he saw them last.
And then he sees Danielle, and she's starting to look like her old self again! She's got a rifle pointed at Robert! And he's all, "But I had the time of my life! And I owe it all to you!"
But she's like, "ARE YOU AN IMPOSTER" and kills him!!!! RAMBOUSSEAU HAD BEEN BORN!
But then Jin flashes away AGAIN and this time a dude is behind him with a gun and he's like "TURN AROUND" and Jin sees him and it's Sawyer and there is some major hug action!!!!!!
ksdf';lasdkf';kads'fl;kadsl;fkdsl; IT'S GUY LOVE, BETWEEN TWO GUYS.
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Comments (18)
LOL! great recap. was that an austin powers reference you worked in there?
1 of 18 | Posted by mones | Posted on February 15, 2009 8:24 PM
Ack = awesome.
2 of 18 | Posted by Clair | Posted on February 15, 2009 8:53 PM
Thanks Ack!
I wonder is Charlotte's death why Daniel is crying the first time we saw him last season, when he didn't know why he was crying? I've been trying to think what in the world would make him cry, and this is really the only thing I can think of that would do it. Well, that doesn't make sense now, cuz he does know why he's crying. Shit. Anyhoo, I hated charlotte, but did get teary at her death, if only for daniel's sake.. And stupid Charlotte didn't listen to him back when she was a child to NOT COME BACK. Poor Daniel!
3 of 18 | Posted by duckncvr | Posted on February 15, 2009 9:20 PM
i guess im alone in liking of Charlotte and kinda disappointed that she died...
lol oh well...great episode and great recap.
4 of 18 | Posted by travi360 | Posted on February 15, 2009 11:31 PM
Fun recap. It makes about as much sense as the show.
My new theory is that this old lady is the big force behind everything. Widmore has been blamed for everything but he was probably just capitalizing on the island for monetary gain and ridding himself of unwanted suitors for his daughter and that sort of thing. I like the whole concept a la The Matrix and The Stand of sweet little old ladies being giant keys to crazy stuff although the demographic is odd because sweet little old ladies probably do not read or watch this sort of stuff.
5 of 18 | Posted by geewits | Posted on February 16, 2009 1:11 AM
"And that's why you always leave a note"
A big thank you from this Arrested Development fan. :-)
6 of 18 | Posted by Anonymous | Posted on February 16, 2009 6:06 AM
~And Jesus was like "Even I don't know wtf is happening, don't ask me."
hahaha-- WORD. Ack, you rule!
7 of 18 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on February 16, 2009 6:09 AM
LMFAO!!!
I have to stop reading these at work. Someone is going to think I've gone insane, giggling like a maniac!
Also, I'm glad I'm not the only one who notices that Jin's ability to speak and understand English varies from scene to scene. He can ask about a helicopter, but doesn't know what a radio is?!
8 of 18 | Posted by jadestarla | Posted on February 16, 2009 9:18 AM
Loved it! Great job as always!
9 of 18 | Posted by bBitz | Posted on February 16, 2009 10:24 AM
I had to register just to post that: I. HEART. YOU. ACK.
Your Arrested Development references made my night. Best show ev-ah! Annyong! Hello!
Ack, you ROCK! Hugs and smooches!
10 of 18 | Posted by Callie2Raccoon0 | Posted on February 16, 2009 6:25 PM
This was great! I hoped that I wasn't the only who thought of arrested development when Sun said annyong. All the little tangents and references made me laugh out loud. Great job Ack, I look forward to the next one! *hearts*
11 of 18 | Posted by krickledawn | Posted on February 16, 2009 8:45 PM
Little did Montand know, Nadine was toast. FRENCH TOAST.
LMAO!
I have to admit. I was kinda not into your recaps at first but still read them. You are very entertaining and now I can't stop reading your stuff. :)
12 of 18 | Posted by kissmymanolos | Posted on February 16, 2009 9:02 PM
Well break out the Crayolas and color me Ticked Pink! I'm glad I'm winning you guys over, one pop culture reference at a time ;D
13 of 18 | Posted by ack_attack | Posted on February 17, 2009 6:41 AM
Ack Attacky you are an effin genius! The recap was full of lulz, thank you for the Arrested Development references. Annyoung, the 1 arm man and Gob says it best, "Ive made a huge mistake!" Gawd i love AD, ive been rewatchin the season on hulu, friggin hilarious! A big up for you Austin Powers reference with Will Ferrel and Scrubs Guy Love with JD and Turk. Keep up the great work. The moral of my story is if you have not watched Arrested Development, go to hulu.com and your life will changed forever....COME ON!!!
14 of 18 | Posted by lydecah89 | Posted on February 17, 2009 7:01 AM
Love the recap Ack!!
And lovvvvved the Austin Powers reference!
15 of 18 | Posted by Devlin | Posted on February 17, 2009 7:22 AM
Thank you thank you thank you for the Arrested Development references! I started giggling at Annyong when I watched the first time, my husband kept glaring at me.
Ack, I heart you in a huge way!
16 of 18 | Posted by kyliebeth | Posted on February 17, 2009 3:47 PM
I thought of AD too when I heard Sun say "annyong" on the phone!
Also:
"VA TE FAIRE FOUTRE!!!!!!!!!"
J'adore!!!
17 of 18 | Posted by rubinia | Posted on February 18, 2009 11:46 AM
I'm lovin these recaps. Put up 316!!!!
Anyone else pick up the anagram?
Canton-Rainier=reincarnation
18 of 18 | Posted by skippymippydoo | Posted on February 20, 2009 7:24 PM