This week on Lost, Desmond goes searching for Mama Faraday, Richard and Locke have a meet-and-greet, Daniel does some sciencing, and Juliet practices her Latin.
Previously on Lost....
"Help us Desmond-Wan! You're our only hope!"
***
So we see Desmond and he's running around going "BUMBLEBEE TUNA!? BUMBLEBEE TUNA?!" or some such thing, but really he's going, "IS THERE AH DOCTAH IN THA HOUSE!?"
Because as it turns out, PENNEH'S HAVIN' A BABEH!!! a';lsdkf;'ladsk
And after the shortest/loudest labor ever, she had a wee little boy!! And luckily he wasn't wearing a red shirt!!!
And I'll be honest, I got a little farklempt! I'm sorry, I promised myself I wouldn't cry!
Tawk amongst yourselves! Here, I'll give you a topic: The Smoke Monster is neither smoke nor a monster. Discuss.
Okay, I'm better now.
So then a few years fly by and Desmond's explaining to his son about a ~*magical*~ island full of hot people with sexy accents and mythical monsters! But as it turns out he's not talking about The Island, he's talking about Great Britain lol. The hot people with sexy accents were Jude Law and Keira Knightley and the mythical monster was NESSIE, BROTHAH!
***
Back in the jungle, Charlotte's not feeling too hot and Miles is bitching his brains out about the whole situation.
Daniel: Hey Debbie Downer, try not to be such a Negative Nancy!
Miles: Stop calling me girl names, you're the girl, fart eater!!!
And then out of nowhere this LAND MINE GOES OFF and everyone is like BLOWING UP and FLYING THROUGH THE AIR and we're like WTFFFF IS THIS LOST OR A MICHAEL BAY FLICK!?
RIP, all those red shirts that we never knew and/or loved!
And all these dudes with bows and arrows surround them, and this blond chick comes out and is all, "What business does an elf, man, and a dwarf have in the Ridder-Mark? Speak quickly!"
"I'd better be the MAN in this scenario or else I'm going to make a scene."
"Pay no mind to the dwarf! I am obviously the man because I'm the only one with enough balls to be the leader of our little outfit."
And so the blond girl with the questionable accent ties everyone up to bring to her peeps and we're like ANOTHER BITCHY FEMALE WITH AN ACCENT: MUST BE WEDNESDAY!!
***
We're back to the few-chah now, and luckily for us all Desmond has managed to find a blue shirt! But despite the shirt, he and Penny seem to be having some marital troubles.
Desmond was like, "I know it sounds crazy, but I haff tah get mah honah boch find Daniel's mothah!"
But Penny wasn't happy about this and she in so many words called Desmond CRAZY. I guess she forgot about all that I'll call you in 2004 even though it's only 1996 right now stuff...?
***
Meanwhile, Locke, Sawyer, Juliet, and 2 snotty British soldiers had gotten themselves into a bit of a predicament!
And Sawyer's like, "WHERE WERE YOU WHEN THE ORCS SET FROGURT ON FIRE!?"
And Locke is all, "Getting shot AGAIN, DUHHHH!"
Snotty Soldier #1: Veni vidi vici!
Snotty Soldier #2: Non sequitur!
Juliet: Ipso facto!
"How in the hell do you know what they're sayin'?"
"We were in the same Latin 101 class at Otherville State. Go Fightin' Polar Bears!"
***
So the soldiers bring Daniel, Miles, and Charlotte back to their camp to meet with Richard. Why?
"Because I'm worth it. Oh hello fellows, have you come to pick up your bomb?"
"Suuuure...let's say that's why...we're...here?"
***
Desmond goes to find Daniel's mothah at Oxford. Since he's trying to go ~*incognito*~ to avoid being seen by Widmore and his cronies, he figures he'll go in a "Jetsetting Italian Gigolo" disguise!
Cockney Chimney Sweep from Mary Poppins: 'ello Guvnah, ah you a professor or sumfin?
Desmond: Yes, I taught both Buttons courses here at Oxford, Hitting Buttons 101 and Unbuttoning Shirts 304.
After talking to the chimney sweep and finding a conveniently-placed photograph of Faraday (which proved Daniel doesn't age or change his clothes, he just changes the length of his mullet) with his test subject Theresa, he knows what he has to do:
a) Find some more accessories and b) Find Theresa.
***
In keeping with the whole "It's not Lost unless someone is hogtied" thing, we find our Island heroes held captive by Guyliner and his lackies. Luckily according to Daniel they just have to hold out until the next flash happens!
"Well when the hell with that be!?"
"Well, according to my calculations...divide by pi...carry the 3...um...I have no effing clue. Hunker down, darling! It may be a long haul!"
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Comments (14)
Thank you, Ack, for all the Desmond pics.
1 of 14 | Posted by Clair | Posted on February 2, 2009 9:00 AM
Love, love, love the new format.
2 of 14 | Posted by Scarlet | Posted on February 2, 2009 12:59 PM
love the recaps. I know you've gotten some slack and criticism for not going through every theory on the planet for every single sentence said on the show, but i like your style. If i want theories, there's plenty of good websites to check out but this is a good way to have fun with LOST and enjoy all it's eccentricities. Thanks! The show is so good and so ridiculous at the same time it's nice to see that someone can play up that aspect of it!
3 of 14 | Posted by hollagirl2 | Posted on February 2, 2009 1:06 PM
Very funny stuff Ack. Did TVGasm get you from MSR for cash and recapper draft picks?
4 of 14 | Posted by JasonR | Posted on February 2, 2009 2:56 PM
it just took lots and lots of stalking. miss ya jr. great recap as per ush ack!!
5 of 14 | Posted by flipit | Posted on February 2, 2009 3:19 PM
Thanks a lot, guys! I'm glad you're liking the recaps! I can only hope to do this show justice :D
6 of 14 | Posted by ack_attack | Posted on February 2, 2009 3:21 PM
Am I the only one who went weak in the knees when Daniel said he's in love with what's her face? Anyone? Anyone? I love him, though he could do some bulking up.
Glad to see you here, Ack!!
7 of 14 | Posted by duckncvr | Posted on February 2, 2009 3:36 PM
>The show is so good and so ridiculous at the same time it's nice to see that someone can play up that aspect of it!
I agree! I like the theories and all, but all that thinkin' makes my head hurt. I like these recaps for their sheer goofiness. Any recapper that can make me giggle like an insane person is all right in my book!
Snotty Soldier #1: Veni vidi vici!
Snotty Soldier #2: Non sequitur!
Juliet: Ipso facto!
Genius! :)
8 of 14 | Posted by Wildheart | Posted on February 2, 2009 4:00 PM
"We were in the same Latin 101 class at Otherville State. Go Fightin' Polar Bears!"
Hahahahaha!
Also looooved Desmond's disguises!
9 of 14 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on February 2, 2009 7:03 PM
Love Lost and Love your recaps! read them before but think they are even better now but cant wait for jack to cry...the theories are fun but the best part is making a joke about how completely ridiculous and AWESOME this show is!!
10 of 14 | Posted by mynameisjenn | Posted on February 2, 2009 8:06 PM
Dang Ack, you are soooo funny! I laughed so many times that I cannot even count. When it comes to your humor, MSR's loss is definitely TVG's gain. I'm glad I've found you again!
11 of 14 | Posted by zbird | Posted on February 2, 2009 8:31 PM
Stains the dog rules. LOL
12 of 14 | Posted by her4beer | Posted on February 3, 2009 7:03 AM
LOL...back to back spit takes on PWNed, all your bases are belong to us
and
So Locke and Juliet are like, "I'm an Other, you're an Other, wouldn't you like to be an Other toooo!?"
LOLLers
13 of 14 | Posted by pappy44 | Posted on February 3, 2009 12:28 PM
This was hilarious! I've just caught up with all the recaps you have on your website and I was so happy when I saw this new one posted! :D
14 of 14 | Posted by enchantedteacup | Posted on February 3, 2009 4:19 PM