So like way previously on Lost Desmond was shot by Ben! Right in the grocery bag!

***

So something like 3 weeks later he's finally rushed to the hospital!

And Penny's there with her little hippie stoner baby and she's like "It's okay baby, I know he's coding now but he somehow managed to beat Ben into a bloody pulp before all of this, so I think he's gonna be okay. YAH FATHA'S NOT GONNA DY-EE, CHAH-LEE."

And Eloise shows up and tells Penny that it's her son's fault that this happened - and her son just happens to be Daniel Faraday. And the Lost music was all like "THIS IS A HUGE REVELATION" but we were all like, "Wait seriously, we knew this shit like 4 months ago, right?" lol

***

Daniel miraculously received the Dharma Newsletter like 7 minutes after Jack and Co. arrived on The Island. It had to have been sent to Ann Arbor via coconut telegraph because snail mail sure as hell wouldn't have gotten it to him that fast.

So anyway Dan saw this newsletter thing and hopped onto the Dharma Sub ASAP.

He immediately ran to Jack, who was just finished up his weekly chest wax.

Daniel's all like, "How did you get back?? It was my MOTHER, wasn't it?? She told you it was your DESTINY, didn't she?? Well she was wrong, Jack. Neither you nor your freakishly smooth chest belong here."

And even though Jack has a "No Jears Before Noon" rule, he managed to get a little misty.

"Well...fuck."

***

Then we meet little Daniel, who is doing what any good child prodigy would do - playing Chopin while doing ridiculously complicated mathematical equations in his head!

Eloise had to give the "Destiny" talk every parent dreads giving to their tween-aged kids...

"Why Daniel, that was so lovely! But unfortunately you'll have to stop. No extracurriculars until you've won your first Nobel Prize. You have no time for piano playing/roller skating/candy/girls/anything fun ever."

And Daniel was like, "I can MAKE time," and we're all like *facepalm* REALLY, LOST? REALLY?? Why don't you have him say "When am I?" one more time while you're at it.

Eloise: I know it's hard now, but you have to become a brilliant physicist so I can eventually send you to a magical island and murder you!
Daniel: ...
Eloise: Woops! Oh silly me, I'm about 37 minutes too early.
Daniel: Just for that I'm going to name my rat after you.

***

Of course Jack, who is never one to just accept that he doesn't have a special destiny, went all NO YOU DIH-INT on Daniel, but Dan had an errand to run!

"GOTTA GO CHANGE THE COURSE OF HISTORY. BRB."

***

Jack runs over to Sawyer and Juliet's place to tattle tale on Dan, but Sawyer's got problems of his own at the moment. Sawyer's all like, "Phil has the tape that proves me and Kate handed Ben over to Alpert and his band of Merry Men! So I punched him out and tied him up and stuck him in the closet. I have no idea what possessed me to do that."

"Look Sawyer, it's almost the end of the season. We haven't hit our guy-tied-up-in-closet quota yet. Get with the program."

***

So Daniel and Miles show up at The Orchid station and Dan won't tell Miles what the hell they're doing there.

Dan: Didn't you see the Season 5 premiere??
Miles: What the eff are you talking about?
Dan: No time to explain. If I'm not back in 5 minutes...just wait longer.

PF Chang is down in this mining site, attempting to explain time travel to the help.

"Just wait until we install the flux capacitor. Then you're gonna see some serious shit."

But that serious shit is exactly what Dan is here to stop from happening!

Daniel: You have to evacuate the Island!! Every man, woman, and child! Jack can go first since he's all three!
Chang: WTF ARE YOU BABBLING ABOUT??
Daniel: Oh, my God, we're having a fire!! Sale!! Oh, the burning! It burns me! Evacuate all the schoolchildren!
Chang: Get to your point, scientist!
Daniel: If you don't evacuate everyone off this island within 6 hours, the consequences will be dire!
Chang: And why should I believe you??
Daniel: Because I'M FROM THA FEW-CHAH. BROTHAH.

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Posted in Lost by Ack at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (13)
Last Comment: valmommyt on May 19, 2009 01:03 PM.