This week on Lost, Kate attempts some thrilling heroics, Jack accepts his fate, Hurley's hand disappears, and Ben goes to temple.
Previously on Lost:
YOU KILLED BENNY!!!! YOU BASTARDS!!!!
***
So it wouldn't be Wednesday night if Ben wasn't covered in blood! Jin finds him on the ground with his INsides on his OUTsides and tosses him in the Dharma van for some much needed medical attention!
Horace: Now everyone grab their Disaster Buddy and hold their hands! Just like we practiced, okay?
Jack: I'm new, I don't have a buddy. Can I go ask that Hostile guy in the jail cell? He seems like he could hold his own.
Horace: Unfortunately no. He has staged a clever escape involving a van that BURST INTO FLAMES, WHICH YOU WILL NOTICE DIRECTLY BEHIND ME. Now shut it, n00b.
So then Uncle Rico Roger Work Man is all like "How much you wanna make a bet I can throw a football over them mountains?"
And Kate is actually INTO IT which is both heinous and sad! She's like, "Wow we have so much in common, we're both here, we both wear jumpsuits with our names embroidered on them, let's make out or something!"
And then Jin comes running up with Bloody Benry in his arms and Roger's like, "THAT'S MAH BOYYYY! THAT'S MAH SON!"
***
Kate, who is a) rocking a killer red scrunchie that time traveled from 1992 and appeared on her head, and b) listening to Patsy Cline, which is apparently the only thing she ever listens to, brings Aaron to meet his new Auntie Cassidy!
Cassidy: OMG HI! I saw you on the news!
Kate: OMG HI! Let's be BFFs and watch Lifetime movies and eat Häagen-Dazs! :D
Cassidy: Girl power, sister! Let's hug and give each other those Hallmark cards that are labeled "Just Because!" :D
Kate: Neat! We'll do that right after I give you a message from Sawyer! :D
:|
So Kate gives all this cash to Cassidy, which is apparently what Sawyer asked her to do before he hopped out of the helicopter! But instead of thinking that he was some kind of Big Damn Hero, Cassidy says he's a coward!
"He jumped out of that chopper because he didn't want to deal with his life!"
"No, he jumped out of that chopper because his pure hotness was melting a hole through the engine! We all would have died if it wasn't for him!"
And then Cassidy magically guessed that Aaron wasn't Kate's bay-bee! And then we all found out Kate is probably a horrible poker player!
***
So Kate runs down into the very "secure" security center to ask Sawyer "WTF THAT KID THAT GOT SHOT IS BEN!??!?! I didn't recognize him without his smug sense of self-satisfaction!" But then Horace comes in and breaks up the WTF-ing and Sawyer tells Kate she can "run along!"
Having also used the word "scram" earlier in the scene, it is safe to say Sawyer has assimilated into 1970's culture with flying colors.
Horace (whose hair is looking more and more like a wild animal that is trying to escape from his head) and his lackies have figured out that Sayid didn't break out alone - someone let him loose! And he had a suspect - Dr. Jan Itor!
Miles and Sawyer take a stroll through the Dharmaville commons. This time, instead of picking flowers and sniffing them, Sawyer tells Miles to put the Losties under house arrest.
"If they're looking for Dr. Jan Itor, Jack is going to be polar bear food before you know it. He's the only one around here that's a doctor AND a janitor!"
Meanwhile, Juliet's in the OR trying to save little Benry's life - to no avail.
"I've done everything I can. We need a real surgeon! I think...I think we're going to have to call WHINE-ONE-ONE!!!"
"That's what I was afraid you were gonna say. Leave it to me, Sugar Booger."
***
So Hurley's staring at his hand and he's like "So if Ben dies in the past I'm going to start disappearing right? So I have to go to the Enchantment Under the Sea Dance? And play Johnny B. Goode? I don't even know how to play the guitar..."
"You've just proven there IS such a thing as a stupid question."
"So seriously wait, I'm not going to disappear? Cause I don't think I can get my hands on a DeLorean any time soon..."
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Comments (8)
Does anybody else think that Claire's mom looks like Penny?
I hate to admit it, but I am liking the new, couldn't-give-a-damn Jack. At least he no longer thinks that he is God's gift to...well, everyone and everything.
Just love your recaps, Ack! What a great treat on Sunday night before another 55+ hour work week!
1 of 8 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on April 5, 2009 10:56 PM
Ack - the entire recap was halarious, but the "Ben woke up from his oar induced coma and looks kinda like this" almost killed me. You rock!
2 of 8 | Posted by itscleo | Posted on April 6, 2009 5:20 AM
Hilarious, as usual. However, I disagree about taking Aaron was a decent thing to do. In fact, I'll go so far as to say it was completely selfish and technically kidnapping.
3 of 8 | Posted by Sanen85 | Posted on April 6, 2009 10:06 AM
On an island with polar bears, smoke monsters, gun toting mercenaries and Dharma killing Others, I think taking a baby to possible freedom via hellicopter was not just the decent thing to do - for all they knew it could very well have saved his life.
4 of 8 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie | Posted on April 6, 2009 11:10 AM
Am I the only one who thinks that Rodzinsky (sp?) and the guy in the mental institute with Hurley who kept repeating the numbers look like the same guy?
I love Sawyer, James, Jim, whatever name he uses is just fine with me.
5 of 8 | Posted by dimples | Posted on April 6, 2009 1:29 PM
"local Dharma NAMBLA chapter" tee-hee!
Loved the series of static shots of Claire's mom. Captured the WTF situation completely.
I always wondered with Benrey's eyes reminded me of. You nailed it. Creepy!
Love your style of recap, an incredibly difficult and creative way to tell the story. Future filmmaker, I believe.
6 of 8 | Posted by xqzmoi | Posted on April 6, 2009 2:43 PM
um......SAVE THE EMPIRE?!! I am so excited you referenced empire records. I, like others, will admit, I thought I was going to really miss graybishop's recaps with all the techy, nerdy, geek-ridden stuff and I do, HOWEVER, your recaps are the most awesome and just the way I like to hear Lost being recapped. I heart this show and I will heart it no matter what. I don't care if there are science-y problems, I just don't care. But this is how I watch the show with my friends, a lot of "quick pauses" and snark. thank you!!!!!!!
7 of 8 | Posted by james woods rules | Posted on April 7, 2009 12:55 PM
"but Sawyer was like, "Dammit, Freckles!" and all the fangirls went batshit insane!"
Yes....yes we did. ;)
"YOU KILLED BENNY!!!! YOU BASTARDS!!!!" and "DAMN THE MAN, SAVE THE EMPIRE!"
South Park and Empire Records in the same recap? SWEET!
Great recap as usual.....and I have the chewed-up Cheezits all over my monitor to prove it. :)
8 of 8 | Posted by Wildheart | Posted on April 8, 2009 3:52 PM