Kerryn says some shit about every girl wanting to float through her dream state, or something, and that, uh, they're sorta kinda getting a reality of that? I guess so, complete with an old man with a camera. Wha? I'm confused. Is Colin flummoxing you, little girl? Just do a pretty picture for like, your inner child or something. right? Geez.
Last but not least, Salome McSwimsalot. .She's determined, for sure, even though she's got the drowned rat vibe going for her.
Back in the water? Are you serious? Christ.
She does pretty well, though. Gabe, always putting a positive spin on getting shat on week to week, decides that "the judges see something special in them and he's going to show them more." Nice. Schitz tries to put his disappointment politely when he says that Gabe has a "naturally enigmatic face." SO SHOW SOME FUCKING EMOTION. Geez.
the man held down by his pout
Angrier-face is politely called ugly by Schitz, and Jordan tries to give Schitz "sexy fun." Hmmm- okay, okay, Jordan is talented. If she wasn't so much of a bitch, you know, I might actually be rooting for her. And that's the shoot.
Back at the house, Amanda doesn't think she can give her kid a good life without making it as a model. Hmmm, might want to think up a plan B, perhaps, when the "deer in the headlights" look goes out of style. Gabe, showing absolutely no emotion whatsoever, tries to comfort her with his monotone voice and pout. Erg. I don't even know why she likes him. Maybe she has a thing for the semi-comatose? It's a mystery to me.
The next morning, Gabe and Jonathan work out while Brandon ketchups his bacon. Just a normal day in a model house, right?
A normal, Sodium-Saturated day.
Nicole shows the models their photos, but not without Brandon getting a semi and a word in first about Nicole's foxiness. We get it, we get it, you wanna do her like the rest of America.
Brandon loves his dead soldier photo, Gabe (as usual) is not too crazy about his photo. NO SHIT. Hey, newsflash: It's because you suck, and you suck hard.
Even underwater!
Gabe's criticism of himself is that he could LOOK A LITTLE PRETTIER IN THE PICTURE. So, uh, are you saying you should POUT MORE? My god man, you're delusional and should pack your bags now. Just pack 'em. give Angrier-face some room for her sports bras and booty shorts, mmmmkay?
Speaking of Angrier-face. her shot? Meh.
A little less angry. You know, in the face.
Jordan's picture has cool colors, but I feel like she's just...confused. But I guess I'm in the minority, because everyone digs it.
???
Colin's picture is also fawned over, but his hands look sorta floppy looking, if you ask me. Like he has flippers, or something. And, like he's Jordan's confused trapped sea monkey brother.
Glub Glub?
Nicole thinks the shot is going to get Colin laid.
What??? You said the "L" word! That's a one way ticket to the Bonerama at the Bonerville Bonerplex Boner-dome!
In a testament to Colin's delightful cluelessness, he wishes he could put his photo on a business card and hand it out to ladies in bars. Yeah, because nothing says fuck me now like an awkward fish-man handing out pictures of himself at the local pub.
I actually sort of dig the drama in Salome's picture, and that she's happy she isn't dead. Oh, Mennonites! What will they do next???
Get trapped underwater in a net.
Amanda's sick of hearing about how Salome conquered her fears. Now, more about Amanda. Right?
Cory Bautista calls and asks to speak to....Jordan. Wow, she's gonna not stop talking about this, eh? Angrier-face and Amanda are a little intimidated by Jordan, as they should be, though I don't think they should fear her as much as Kerryn. She gets a go-see at People's revolution and she brings...Salome. Cool choice, actually, though also I bet Jordan wants to beat her. And, Salome agrees! Don't ever say having the fattest ass in the house never got you anywhere, Saloms.
Branden, pouty about not being the bestest, bitches about Jordan getting the go-see and not him. Ugh. Good, get upset Branden. Cry. No, you aren't gay if you cry about not getting a pretty model shoot at a jeans company. No way!
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Comments (6)
Jordan looked slightly annoyed in her underwater shot. Salome should have won, and not just because she overcame her fears.
This show has taught me something I did not know: pouting is not an asset in modeling. From the looks on the runway, I would have thought Gabe was in like Flynn.
Is it just me, or does Amanda look old for 21?
1 of 6 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on April 14, 2009 12:46 AM
"Yeah, because nothing says fuck me now like an awkward fish-man handing out pictures of himself at the local pub."
LOL, I love you this week, Monamonzano. Adore! (Though, I'll be honest and offer to rid him of that bothersome virginity if he handed me an Aquaman card. Colin is such a cutie.)
"Then, in an AWESOME conversation, Jordan thinks everyone's getting a big head and implores Salome to tell her if she ever gets too egotistical."
I loved Salome's face when Jordan said that. Hahahahahahahah.
Salome had a great week, quip wise and I loved her photo much more than Jordan's which looked a bit blank-ballerina underwater to me.
"Insert any variety of jokey captions here. Cripes."
But why insert a caption when Amanda's pictorial insertion could have coined the phrase "A picture says a thousand words"? She could always try modeling for 1-900 numbers if her Umma bangs don't work on this show.
OK, someone explain to me why they had to keep Hosea the Hoser and Leah the Stalker around on Top Chef despite being crap b/c of their noisy make-out drama, but Gabe gets bounced before Amanda gets to boink him? How is that fair? Build up to flat nothing, that was, Editors. You suck.
Granted, Gabe sucked, too, but I would rather see his abs and pout than Angrier Face's gap-teeth and snarl of evil for one more week. Pssh.
2 of 6 | Posted by jennaboa | Posted on April 14, 2009 10:39 AM
This was so hysterical, Mona, I'm heading to Bonerville, hehehe!!!
Gotta agree that angrier face doesn't have much to offer, tho I think she'd be fun to hang with, but a model . . . well, have to say I loved it when the photographer, whatever his name is, on panel with the costumes said, "You like that fish pout look!"
Can't we all picture Gabe with a baby bottle in mouth and drool on the bib, the pain!!! I hear he's got some hot photos on My space . . . and Amanda, you're on TV girl, if you're going to flex your throat, make it worthwhile, K! Call me crazy, and maybe I'm just gay, but deep throating a beer bottle just looks gaggy to me, and doesn't sent me to Boner town! Nor does sucking my finger do it for me, is this TMI, coz seriously, it's everything I can do not to make a squinty angrier face expression and even harder to suppress a giant, ewwww!
I really liked sandburst at first, but there's something bugging me now, I'm liking the mennonite more each week, and if she lost some badoink, I think she could take this whole thing ( away from Jonathan ie) Her pic was waaaaaay better than bitchy Jordan's, but, could they send her on a go-see, for reals . . . glad to see her hit the treadmill, but for the record, I think having models be emaciated is stupid and servers no one!!! Haaruuummmpphhh!
3 of 6 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on April 14, 2009 11:52 AM
Actually, Brazilians speak Portugese.
But anyways, how ironic was it when Jordan started whining about Amanda & Gabe's high-schoolness, when MISS BITCH IS THE ESSENSE OF HIGH SCHOOL!
And I agree that Salome should've won. That was an awesome picture. Colin's was very good as well. I don't see floppy hands or fins, at all.
4 of 6 | Posted by hutchlover | Posted on April 14, 2009 4:52 PM
Oh, Gaby Baby, you beautiful, beautiful chunk of wood. Why did you have to be so boring? Who's going to float my boat now? (I'll leave Colin to you ladies who buy into his "I'm a virgin" schtick. I don't. He's probably lost his virginity a few times already to people like Kerryn and Angrier Face.) And, didn't this elimination seem to be the most foregone conclusion ever in a reality TV show?
Jennaboa, damn you, you went there in the AI board... although I have to say that, just as I agree with you that Bryan Adams is lame but I (not so secretly) love him, I totally agree with your post here, especially the last two paragraphs. *Urp*ugh*yack* thanks for reminding me of the Leah-Hoser *gag* hookup.
Monamonzano, keep up the good work, thanks for all the screengrabs, you made my day!
5 of 6 | Posted by sayhuh | Posted on April 16, 2009 10:04 AM
sayhuh: Oh, yeah, I went there. Bryan Adams is easy to love if you are female because he's like a romance novel pirate come to life, saying all the dashing things you want Johnny Depp (or pick your pirate poison) to say to you. *sigh* Reality: the men who say these things are usually scam artists who got their hints from The Rules and Bryan Adams. Wankers, all. :)
Sorry about the LeaHoser reminder, especially to anyone who might have been eating, but I feel for poor Amanda who was really reeling Gaby Baby in w/ her coquette-le-cock act. That was a lot of hard flirting gone to waste and no rock-hard abs to play with in the end. Terrible, terrible. Learn the lesson, ladies: Don't draw the flirt out too long, or you may lose lover-boy to the fickle fates (or Tyson, whatever).
6 of 6 | Posted by jennaboa | Posted on April 17, 2009 9:21 AM