Then, in an AWESOME conversation, Jordan thinks everyone's getting a big head and implores Salome to tell her if she ever gets too egotistical. HAHAHAHA. If I could turn back time, I'd tell you that episode 1, Jordan!
Uhhh...no. You're, uh...uh....are we at the go-see yet, chauffeur???
At People's Revolution, Jordan and Salome strut their stuff. Jordan looks a lot like an anime character when she walks.
Are you sure you aren't a japanese boy?
Salome, on the other hand, didn't "fit the swimsuit" the way the people's revolution thought she would. Yeah, that's fashion code for fat-ass alert.
I'm still a hero! I went underwater this week!
People's Revolution decides to go with the not-so-fat-ass girl, Jordan. You know, the one with the tiny ego. Miss Modest. Salome supports Jordan and is all polite n' shit. I love that it makes Salome want to work out. Poor Salome!
That night, everyone eats and the drinks start flowing. Here's a really dumb-looking shot of Angrier face, by the way....
Pretty?
So the drinking starts, with Jordan the party pooper calling out who she thinks will get drunk. Hmmm...who will it be....
Insert any variety of jokey captions here. Cripes.
Beer Pong is an all inclusive game, so we can't leave out Angrier-face's twat, right?
No we cannot. Right, Colin?
But fun games go drunkenly bad as someone makes fun of Amanda being stupid, well it's Jonathan. AFTER Gabe bounced a ping pong ball of her head. Of course, she goes to her room to whine and hope Gaby-Baby comes to comfort her. And then they fight some more? Man, I'm confused. Cripes, drunk dumb people are...drunk and dumb. Jordan, acting like the ugly goth girl who never gets laid and mistakenly got invited to the popular-girl party, bitches about how ridiculous they are. And, they are, but still, Jordan needs to not be such a BITCH.
It's funny how this show could ideally be filmed in three days- the shoot, the go-see and the catwalk-elimination. But no, a whole week?
The next morning, it's catwalk time and Nicole looks like she picked up her outfit at one of my favorite stores, Hot Topic. Ever notice how that store and a lot of the other stores in the mall smelled like teenage fart? yeah, that was me.
Clearance rack.
For the runway, the ladies will be dressed up as fire. You know what would be simpler than making them up? Just bathe them in lighter fluid and light a match! It's SO couture.
And the men? Are in...suits? With clean lines? I guess that's icy. Whatever.
David Ralph comes in to coach the models how to walk...again. Didn't they get this tutorial like five times already? I dunno. Salome gets better, and David recognizes the meat-headishness of Branden. Heh heh. For Gabe, David is seeing "a house but the lights aren't on. Oh, and the house is pouting. What gives?" I do like how Jonathan even has something to learn. Yeah, Mr. Perfect! Eat it!
At the actual fashion show thing that isn't a fashion show, everyone has a bit more confidence because of the coach and...I dunno. Probably just the coach. The judges do NOT dig Brandon, who has egoism out the wazoo.
My Pukey-face!
Salome is wearing the most revealing dress, accentuating her ass fat. You know, Salome was right- this isn't her emotional episode, it's her ass-fat showcase episode.
Bam!
Jordan looks like a librarian who mistakenly stuck her finger in an electrical socket.
I can feel your chances for immunity slipping away.....and I like it.
Gabriel's walk is...the same. Man. Mouhahaha looks like Salome in her dress.
Enough ass for a family of five!
Alexander Hertchcovitch joins the judges for panel. I think I've met him before, on like a playground. Yeah, he had a big unmarked van and a bigger grin on his face.
And lots of Nazi Paraphenalia.
Oh wait, he's not german. He's Brazilian. And, he's communicating with Mouhaha. Weird. Tyson calls Salome, Angrier-face, Starburst, Mouuhahaha, Gabriel, Kerryn and Branden to stay put for interrogation time. They tell Starburst he's doing well with better pictures and taking the judge's advice. Salome is called "girlfriend attractive" but not fashion model attractive and that weird angry cockney photographer likes her "slinky-moves." Ugh.
Jordan is chastised for her weirdo walk but they like her picture. Brandon is called an "ego-crazy" maniac...but his brilliant defense is that he misunderstood the directions. Riiight. Gabriel doesn't move his fucking face as much, and basically is preemptively sent home. His picture is called okay. Angrier-face has....an angry fucking face. that's it. Cased closed, sherlock.
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Comments (6)
Jordan looked slightly annoyed in her underwater shot. Salome should have won, and not just because she overcame her fears.
This show has taught me something I did not know: pouting is not an asset in modeling. From the looks on the runway, I would have thought Gabe was in like Flynn.
Is it just me, or does Amanda look old for 21?
1 of 6 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on April 14, 2009 12:46 AM
"Yeah, because nothing says fuck me now like an awkward fish-man handing out pictures of himself at the local pub."
LOL, I love you this week, Monamonzano. Adore! (Though, I'll be honest and offer to rid him of that bothersome virginity if he handed me an Aquaman card. Colin is such a cutie.)
"Then, in an AWESOME conversation, Jordan thinks everyone's getting a big head and implores Salome to tell her if she ever gets too egotistical."
I loved Salome's face when Jordan said that. Hahahahahahahah.
Salome had a great week, quip wise and I loved her photo much more than Jordan's which looked a bit blank-ballerina underwater to me.
"Insert any variety of jokey captions here. Cripes."
But why insert a caption when Amanda's pictorial insertion could have coined the phrase "A picture says a thousand words"? She could always try modeling for 1-900 numbers if her Umma bangs don't work on this show.
OK, someone explain to me why they had to keep Hosea the Hoser and Leah the Stalker around on Top Chef despite being crap b/c of their noisy make-out drama, but Gabe gets bounced before Amanda gets to boink him? How is that fair? Build up to flat nothing, that was, Editors. You suck.
Granted, Gabe sucked, too, but I would rather see his abs and pout than Angrier Face's gap-teeth and snarl of evil for one more week. Pssh.
2 of 6 | Posted by jennaboa | Posted on April 14, 2009 10:39 AM
This was so hysterical, Mona, I'm heading to Bonerville, hehehe!!!
Gotta agree that angrier face doesn't have much to offer, tho I think she'd be fun to hang with, but a model . . . well, have to say I loved it when the photographer, whatever his name is, on panel with the costumes said, "You like that fish pout look!"
Can't we all picture Gabe with a baby bottle in mouth and drool on the bib, the pain!!! I hear he's got some hot photos on My space . . . and Amanda, you're on TV girl, if you're going to flex your throat, make it worthwhile, K! Call me crazy, and maybe I'm just gay, but deep throating a beer bottle just looks gaggy to me, and doesn't sent me to Boner town! Nor does sucking my finger do it for me, is this TMI, coz seriously, it's everything I can do not to make a squinty angrier face expression and even harder to suppress a giant, ewwww!
I really liked sandburst at first, but there's something bugging me now, I'm liking the mennonite more each week, and if she lost some badoink, I think she could take this whole thing ( away from Jonathan ie) Her pic was waaaaaay better than bitchy Jordan's, but, could they send her on a go-see, for reals . . . glad to see her hit the treadmill, but for the record, I think having models be emaciated is stupid and servers no one!!! Haaruuummmpphhh!
3 of 6 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on April 14, 2009 11:52 AM
Actually, Brazilians speak Portugese.
But anyways, how ironic was it when Jordan started whining about Amanda & Gabe's high-schoolness, when MISS BITCH IS THE ESSENSE OF HIGH SCHOOL!
And I agree that Salome should've won. That was an awesome picture. Colin's was very good as well. I don't see floppy hands or fins, at all.
4 of 6 | Posted by hutchlover | Posted on April 14, 2009 4:52 PM
Oh, Gaby Baby, you beautiful, beautiful chunk of wood. Why did you have to be so boring? Who's going to float my boat now? (I'll leave Colin to you ladies who buy into his "I'm a virgin" schtick. I don't. He's probably lost his virginity a few times already to people like Kerryn and Angrier Face.) And, didn't this elimination seem to be the most foregone conclusion ever in a reality TV show?
Jennaboa, damn you, you went there in the AI board... although I have to say that, just as I agree with you that Bryan Adams is lame but I (not so secretly) love him, I totally agree with your post here, especially the last two paragraphs. *Urp*ugh*yack* thanks for reminding me of the Leah-Hoser *gag* hookup.
Monamonzano, keep up the good work, thanks for all the screengrabs, you made my day!
5 of 6 | Posted by sayhuh | Posted on April 16, 2009 10:04 AM
sayhuh: Oh, yeah, I went there. Bryan Adams is easy to love if you are female because he's like a romance novel pirate come to life, saying all the dashing things you want Johnny Depp (or pick your pirate poison) to say to you. *sigh* Reality: the men who say these things are usually scam artists who got their hints from The Rules and Bryan Adams. Wankers, all. :)
Sorry about the LeaHoser reminder, especially to anyone who might have been eating, but I feel for poor Amanda who was really reeling Gaby Baby in w/ her coquette-le-cock act. That was a lot of hard flirting gone to waste and no rock-hard abs to play with in the end. Terrible, terrible. Learn the lesson, ladies: Don't draw the flirt out too long, or you may lose lover-boy to the fickle fates (or Tyson, whatever).
6 of 6 | Posted by jennaboa | Posted on April 17, 2009 9:21 AM