Make Me a Supermodel: Barnyard Animals and Bacon....I Love Thee

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Gone Country!

This week on Make Me a Supermodel, it's country time lemonade meets angsty modeling mayhem! The kids go to the country and take photos with livestock. Also, a personal trainer comes in to help them shape up, and some deal with it better than others (Jordan Mcbitchalot, I'm talking to you). Also, Colin makes a stinky and the catwalk is country CHIC, as opposed to the photo shoot, country- not chic? I'm confused. READ ON!

Sixteen aspiring models have been narrowed down to EIGHT, people! You know what that means? Well, hopefully more catty bitchery and less good sportsmanship. Models, mount up!

This week, it seems as though the judges are being picked off. I mean, geez, Jenny and Marlon are still around, but even Tyson's finding work and calling in sick to host the show. I'm pretty sure Catherine Malandrino is dead (filling in is that bitchy blonde woman whom I love, Maggy Riser) and Perou? Instead of his welcome assholishness we've got some hairstyle jewwy guy named Harry Josh. Unfortunate name....

Anyhoo, the episode starts with two of our weakest models, divine Colin and A Bangs, holding each other tight for dear life. Well, figuratively speaking. Colin doesn't like touching people, although he's good with an occasional crotch-nab. Then Colin "graphs" out his improvement using...the patented hand graph-o-meter.

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Trust me, it's science.


Then he says that as long as he doesn't "mess up too badly," he's just going to keep growing. That's the spirit.

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Smug.


Whatever, I still wanna do him.

Meanwhile, Brandon's love affair with bacon and not being gay has reached new levels.

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Bacon: "It's all good, lover."


Starburst and Jonathan read the weird email-thing, which says that modeling is all about learning to work with others, even if they can't communicate with you and they take dumps behind the couch. This weeks challenge: a shoot with AMANDA! Kidding, she shit in the bushes, not behind the couch.

I love that Starburst thinks that they're gonna do a shoot with foreign models, and Brandon (oh, you poor baby boy) thinks they're going to be working with deaf people. What, like Martin from The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency? Man, I feel bad for deaf people sometimes, but only when they have washboard abs.

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Nummers.


The models get shipped far away from their kushy New York flat to...Skummymonk Shithouse Stables! Ah, Skummymonk, your acreage smells like feces. It's like I'm reliving my childhood.

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Skummymonk Shithouse, Skummymonk Shithouse, Skummymonk Shithouse


Oh, Giggles! I crack myself UP.

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No, really. This place smells like shit.


I love how uninvolved and uncaring Nicole and Tyson are. They just want to get their checks, torture some aspiring models, and go home to their expensive flats not furnished by Ikea, most likely.

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Suckas!



To tell us more about enduring torture, Skummymonk Shithouse Style, is some assistant to David Lachappelle (should I know that name?) who like to photograph girls in trees.

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Hang in there.

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You, too.


Oh sorry, her name is Aliyah Namoff. And, she's white. So, that's weird. And, she also looks like CJ, or at least as 8th Grader-y as CJ.

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No, really, you guys, let's get serious. I have a test sixth period so let's make these photos good.


She also totally sounds like she's reading off a script, cripes.

So, anyhoo, they're all gonna be posing with critters. This should be good- a lot like posing with Gabe, only with more clothing involved. The key, according to Tyson, is patience. Okay, whatever that means. Branden looks like he just shat himself and Salome also looks like she shat herself, but in a good way.

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Gratuitous Mennonite images


Then some weird guy on a horse sweeps Aliyah off her feet to get ready for the photoshoot. And somewhere, some eighth grader just climaxed- her dreams have been realized!

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Complete with flames.

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Also, Colin is delighted.


This episode, we also realize that along with being a mother, a mongoose and a valley girl, A Bangs is also a "Hillbilly hellraiser."

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Classy.


While A Bangs hopes she and the rest of the imbred constituency of models will excel, Jordan is being her regular bitchy self. Yeah, you'd rather wrestle a pig than Amanda? Well, Jordan, you might just get your wish. I mean, at least you could play around with Branden's pounds of Bacon in the model fridge. Close?

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Comments (12)

carol:

i loved how pissed Nicole was that colin was kicked off. She is going to do everything she can to get Amanda kicked off next week...hopefully.

jadestarla:

I think Sandhurst was saying THOR-like thighs.

And they HUGELY screwed up kicking Colin off instead of like, Amanda, like, who, like, is way, like, too like, sexy, like. I can't stand her. But I see why she and Gabe got along. They're both mentally challenged. I'm not worried about him, though. He's gonna get plenty laid after they see the show!

(The stinky thing was weird. I just assumed it was his shoes from being on a farm.)

And I totally adore Branden. He's so goofy and it just works for me.

featherhead:

You've never heard of a doucebag? Really? That's one of my fav's!! What do you think women used before Summer's Eve came along? And I want to know who snapped Salomie's pic as a menonite (I didn't even know she was a menonite), anywho the amish won't let you take their pictures, stealing their souls or some such stuff. Colin was starting to bug me, so I won't miss him too much. Just give the whole freaking thing to Jonathan because that's what's gonna happen anyhow. But then I'd miss your hysterical recaps!

featherhead:

Whoops, forgot to add that Sunburst was saying (and singing) "Thunder Thighs". At least he can find the humor in things. And I liked when he was talking about taming the calf - something along the lines of "If I can tame a calf, Just think of what I can do for you ladies" LOL

Dreamkeeper:

Bet Johnathan would have booked that go-see. He is skinny, edgy and HOT. Sometime his face can look years older that the others in confessional but I have not seen this in his pictures or on the catwalk.

juddfan:

Thanks for the speedy recap this time, Mona! I do think Colin looks cute in general, but when they take off his glasses and put him in eyeliner, my girl-dar starts ringing. Not to say he's gay as in gay dar--more like fey as in feytdar--is it me!? HE should call lens crafters.

That cereal bowl was ridonk, and the ice cream post workout, what are these people thinking . . . . so young so lame so naive.

I'm liking the menonite getting more serious and on her game--work that jiggly baby, and make a run for it. Jonathan's pic was clearly the best!!!!

hutchlover:

I feel your pain, Mono.

Colin clearly has the goods, but not the training. Also, he's probably only in this to make extra bucks for med-school. (He's probably studying nuclear medicine, hence the "nuclear-scientist" comment).

If he could stop analyzing, he might do better. But somehow I don't see him upset that he didn't win.

slutty_whore:

I'm not really feeling all the Jonathon love.... he doesn't do anything for me and I think he skews older (as mentioned earlier in the comments) and he hasn't shown any growth... just coasting on good looks and people's general adoration of him (I hate people like that!) I get the feeling Jon assumes he's going to win, so he doesn't have to try. I hope Starburst or someone can challenge him.

hutchlover:

I agree with you slutty.

While I do think Jonathan's one hell of a model, he does skew older.

I think that Sandhurst or maybe Mountaha will win it all. Sandhurst has ALWAYS been in the top 3. Jonathan's too obvious a choice, and he's an established model as it is.

pixielated:

I don't understand why they even have Jon on the show. He's already an established model, isn't he?

Yeah, he looks older, but that's probably ok for a guy. But I don't see him becoming a superstar. Should he win, he will get more successful, but I don't think he'll go right to the top.

I like Sandhurst and Salome. Mountaha is good, too.

viane slice:

Oh Colin is gone! Over Amanda of all people. Oh yeah I know he's awkward but he's so beautiful- he really is. If you read Tyson's Bravo blog he was so over Colin. He's like he will never be a model. He's going to be the good-looking doctor women will make up excuses to see. Tyson is like, "Go to graduate school. Get laid."

Nicole was spitting mad that Colin was gone. She ranted about it on her blog. I just see her and Kerryn fighting over his exquisite carcass. LOL Still though, I hate to say it, if Colin catches Nicole's eye, she can help him get jobs, Kerryn can't. Colin acquiring a hot supermodel girlfriend would help him on so many levels. I know y'all are rolling your eyes but seriously, who else were the women on that show drooling visibly over?

I agree that Jonathan will win it all. If you check the magazines, his look is what is in right now. These classical blonde male models are coming in. They're all over the place.

Yeah the models pigged out on bacon and ice cream. They're people. Which brings up a point that the media and diet industry don't talk about - some people are genetically predisposed to be these tall slender modelesque beings whether they work out or not or pig out or not. Yes, on a health level one should eat right and exercise but a person can do all that and still not have the look to be in the fashion industry.

icantstopwatching:

BravoTV.com has pics from the naked photo shoot from the latest ep of "Make Me a Supermodel."

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