...it's like Stephen Ambrose nonfiction, only bustier.
Exploring exotic western openings since America's birth
Ughhh, you guys, I am in SUCH a bitchy mood, I'm tempted to tell you who got booted in this intro and call this motherf***er a night. God giveth and god taketh away, and motherfu***rs, though I am an unfair, menstruating god who does the latter, I'll be kind and not blow my load in paragraph one. Instead, I'll be recapping Make Me A Supermodel with an extra dose of cynicism and tangential banter. You like that, you sickos, dontcha??? Yes, I'm talking to all four of you, especially Juddfan.
Last week, the models got butt-naked. This week, getting rowdy? Sounds fucking lame.
Anyhoo, the episode starts with Mouhahaha running on a treadmill. YAWN.
Make Me A Supermodel: A real snorefest
For realz, whose dick do I have to suck to see some dick suckage? And you know what, I'm not ashamed to say it: I miss Amanda and Gabriel, for all their awkward highschoolishness. Fuck em, but let's see some fucking before this show becomes like my grandpa: comatose, flaccid and smelling like he just wet himself.
Jonathan thinks the top three will be Jordan, Starburst and himself. Yeah, if you can keep your wife and kid clothed and fed for the rest of the show's duration. Honestly, who- as breadwinner- doesn't leave their family provided for while they gallivant on a reality tv show?
This tool, that's who.
They get one of those dumbass emails about their next shoot being "rowdy." Ok. Someone wake Brandon up, mmmkay?
Or at least ward away demon-spirits with a gigantic mirror
According Mouhahhaa, there isn't time for Bacon and coca cola for Brandon. Man, shut up Mouhahaha- the only thing this boy has LEFT is bacon and coca cola, minus the bacon that that dykey trainer took away.
the back end of Mouhahhaa looking dumb.
At the rooftop of some scuzzy building, Nicole and Tyson both look fucking ridiculous. I mean, first off: Tyson, what the fuck is with you wearing the gayest biker chick shit you can possibly find? You look like a burgular in the thirties. And, nicole? I'm pretty sure you killed some drag queen to achieve the ultimate look of unadulterated, morbid gaudiness of your day's outfit.
Hate these people
Today is all about pleasing your client and selling a brand. Yeah? Because other days are mostly about looking dumb and fucking up go-sees.
As they introduce the next designer whom they will be working for, Salome (of course) makes an allusion to her lame mennonite-ness.
Yes. And fornicate. Also, listen to records. Comb your hair, bitch!
Dallas Austin comes out, with the faggiest set of names this side of the Mississippi. God, come on! I bet his real name is Marty Abromowitz or Gaylord Cuntz.
Dullis Ass-tan
His clothes are super fucking hot topic, in the guise of words like "Mad Max" (reference, appreciated, I'm sure, by these models), sex pistols and Gwen Stefani.
Uh, What's "London?" P.S. Brush your hair, bitch!
Mouhaha is excited because she's already dressed herself as a gay 8th grader from Manchester.
Hey Mom, I smoked my first cigarette!
Brandon thinks the shoot is gonna be "badass." Too bad you aren't a good model. Boo hoo!
With a dumbass Faux Hawk. Very Punk Rock.
He can't wait to Rock N' Roll N' Jump N' Hump, while Patrick Anderson gets introduced and looks like my old theatre professor in Chicago. Yeah, fuck you guys- I got an awesome education, despite writing freelance. An MFA, to be exact. And, by freelance I mean weekly for free, through tvgasm. Somebody shoot me.
My old Theatre Professor tells the models to forget posed modeling and just fuck shit up. Ok, I'm down. I love fucking shit up. I love being photographed while doing it, too. Yeah, paper trails!
The boys go first, which causes controversy among...ahem, the bitchier girls. Still, they look fucking ridiculous.
Apparently, Rowdy means eyeliner an white keds
It's like they're the cast of Cats, only faggier. And, generally, less talented.
So not gay
Groan
God, these pictures look so. dumb. Starburst thinks Jonathan is his biggest competition. Maybe...just be your creepy ass dancer self, starburst, and you'll be just fine.
Dumb
Brandon gets pissed that my Theatre Professor pulls Brandon out and starts shooting dumb pictures with Jonathan.
What? You gonna cry to Mommy?
Also, Starburst looks like a gay black Pirate. Him and Tyson should date and have nicely muscled babies with well defined cheekbones.
The Brandon grab
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Comments (4)
The greatest recap you have ever done!
And that is a toughie because this show is boring as eff.
1 of 4 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on May 19, 2009 7:04 AM
Hmm... I was just on the Nous Model Management site as J-Mo mentioned they had signed two of the models from ANTM and I saw a picture of Jonathon in their Men's section. This is the same agency that represents Tyson. I forget what the prizes are but it makes me wonder if this means that he won... or that he lost... or...?
Go to www nousmodels com (with dots, natch) and click on Men at the top. Jonathon Waud is definitely him, isn't it?
2 of 4 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on May 19, 2009 7:15 AM
Ooo, Snooty! I bow to your detective skills! I saw Chantal (from ANTM went they went to China), and Sarah Larson, George Clooney's ex. Also, Nicole Linkletter and Paris Hilton.
I thought Mona had mentioned at some point that Jonathan was modelling before he went on the show. Maybe this is his previous agency? And I bet he was cast because of the Tyson connection.
I liked the previous iteration of the show better, when it was filmed a week at a time and the audience voted for their favorite model, with the the least popular getting booted at the beginning of the next show. Of course, the editors must go crazy with that format.
3 of 4 | Posted by natural redhead | Posted on May 19, 2009 12:31 PM
Well, Mona, you're right, I liked it, I LIKED IT!!! but I feel like you're mad at me for what I said about your boy. Hopefully you're not putting any weight in what I say--I'm into James Gandolfini, so what do I know . . . but I do love snark, and I don't always agree with everyone, I like the exchange.
So . . not sure what inspired your wrath, but glad you could express it here! (I kept thinking, it's not coz Jordan got eliminated, right!?)
Snootchy, that's very interesting. Was that the place Allison was supposed to be? I'll have to go look, I do find it interesting to see what the real world considers a model, as opposed to mine, or our, opinions!
anyhoo, hope you feel better, Mona, but take it out here anytime!!!
4 of 4 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on May 19, 2009 5:31 PM