Amanda would call this baby gay
On the nail-biting finale (and pre-finale) episode of Make Me A Supermodel, shit hits the Flan! I mean fan. I'm on a diet, bitches, leave me ALONE!
Mohahaha, Starburst, Brandon and Jonathan do a fire shoot where they only have like 10 takes. Then they get to do some in-house modeling at Bloomies and Brandon becomes a man. Yes, in that order. In the finale episode, the three remaining models meet with their families and then one is crowned...as....being....made....into.....some type....porkchop sandwich....model. Super.
Hey Bitches! This week's a two-fer, considering I was busy last week getting my nobel peace prize in awesome. Sorry, folks- that million dollar trust won't spend itself, am I right? Anyhow, I just got back from the states and boy do I need my fix of recap bitchin.'
So, who is left again? Oh yeah, Starburst, Mouhahah, Jonathan and Brandon. Wow, snoozefest. Still, Starburst wants the judges to know that he doesn't have the face or soul of an accountant.
I left my 1099's in the car.
Also, Jonathan finds some of Salome's clothes...on a kitchen countertop? I'm confused. In a microwave?
These were all set on defrost.
I know, I know, it's probably a DRYER, folks. But still, it's kinda weird that it's right in the kitchen bay, you know what I'm saying?
"Queen Mouhahaha" is really proud to be the last vagina standing. We get it, you love yourself.
An associate of Awesome?
Oh sorry, I mean that she's queen of the 8th grade boys.
Let's play soccer and have snacks!
The editors make a big fucking to-do about that weird email coming telling the models about the day's photo shoot. Eventually it comes, and is "crazy." A night shoot! Oh my god, I just shit my pants.
So they go to the shoot, and enter this dark building were Starburst- oh Starburst- says that in Scary Movies, the black man always dies first. Fortunately for him, this is just a really boring reality tv competition.
Then, plumes of fire. Brandon wets himself.
I just texted the NYC fire marshall.
Tyson tells the models that they're all a step closer to them being made into a Supermodel...literally. What Tyson really means is not literally. Tyson, you speak in riddles! Cay Patrick Mcbride comes in looking like a busted up country singer, or at least a short Bret Michaels.
nice fedora, Roman Polanski.
He talks about something...fire? Kiss in it's prime? Setting some pyro? Is this guy drunk? Drunk people shouldn't be around fire. THe models only get one chance at taking a picture with a shitload of fire...but by one, we soon learn means like ten shots before the big flames get photographed.
Also, does anyone notice Jonathan is a little more glammy then usual? I think he's taken to wearing Salome's eyeliner that she forgot in the toaster oven.
Then the guys all jack off together and get ready for a little pyrosexical work. GET IT? God, guys are so gay.
The ladies agree.
Jonathan goes first, but he's conflicted because he wants to go crazy and thinks that the judges want to see a tamer side of him. Still, there are FLAMES behind you, for chrissake. Do you really think a lame standing shot is gonna do it?
Jonathan, to get prepped, says the same thing before every shoot: "I'm a father, I'm a provider." Wow, sexy. And his picture? LACKLUSTER!
Meh.
Brandon is next and goes into a whole spiel about how he's the only American left. Hmm...any correlation with being the only bacon eater and homophobe?
The photographer warns Brandon to stay pretty, and he doesn't. The photographer, when asked about the photo shoot, said "the fire looked good." Erg.
Wonky alert!
I like how the photographer calls brandon "Bra." SO appropriate. Mouhahaha is up to bat next and she's striking the SAME weirdo pose for the whole shoot.
Mwahahaha as coathanger
Starburst knows he has to not be so accountant-y, and he brings the crazy. In a weird orgasm-y way.
Starburst: like a homeless man wandered onset.
The next day, Nicole shows them their picture-witctures. Brandon's looks like he's Hot Topic model.
Complete with gross faux-hawk.
Jonathan's safe shot also looks a little hot topic-y, but you know, older and grosser. More international male with an extended budget than anything. Still, he digs his shot.
Leopard Pants, 29.99.
MOuhahah's picture looks stiff and weird.
Smell my finger
Starburst looks APESHIT. And, not pretty. Still, the judges are gonna DIG IT!
note to self: homeless men get irritable around fire.
« I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!: The Bitchy and Scratchy Show | Main | The Bachelorette Zip Lines Into the Old West »
Comments (6)
"Gay McGreasyhair dumb rock hobotown" HA HA HA!!!
Brandon really wasn't the best one, but I agree with you. He'll get some fame from the show. The other two will actually have modelling careers. And they won't be caught in the fine print like the winner. So all's well that ends well.
Thanks for a great season, Mona!
1 of 6 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on June 5, 2009 11:23 AM
I'm glad they gave it to Brandon. He's a goofy kid, but has alot of potential.
Starburst and Jonathan are going to do just fine. They already have what it takes to become supermodels.
2 of 6 | Posted by stillborn | Posted on June 5, 2009 11:24 AM
Gotta admit, I was pretty shocked, but saw it coming, esp after the editor chick called Brandon dreamy, and Jonathan looked 45 in his unretouched pic. He suddenly got so fey, not that there's anything wrong with that. Weird how they didn't show the full length shots until the gallery, and both burst and jon sucked it hard on them. I guess modeling must be much harder than it seems.
Also, just noticed Motahahahaha is 23--on ANTM they made a huge stink out of Celia (meemaw) being 25 . . . I'm just saying . . .
But still, I'm shocked . . .
And what a riotess end to a lovely season of recaps, Mona!!!! You're good when your drunk, grrrrl!!!
And a bachelorette for average sized people . . . could be good, but I'll check the caps either way!
HEARTS and FLOWERS!!!
Also thought B's mom was a doll, Burst's sis was also very cool, but Jon's wife--sullen . . .
3 of 6 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on June 5, 2009 12:17 PM
Congrats Branden!
While Jonathan has a killer walk - he does photograph old. And that portrait of him was boring.
Branden showed something more. In the group shot, where do your eyes go first? To Branden, or maybe Sandhurst. Jonathan could be completely not there and I wouldn't have noticed.
You should do more reviews while drunk, Mono. LOL
4 of 6 | Posted by hutchlover | Posted on June 5, 2009 4:30 PM
didn't watch this ep yet, but totes dug the recap. mona, i'm not terribly familiar with your work, but i dare say you're nothing short of brilliant and would glady join you at happy hour. you are harsh girl...and i LOVE IT.
oh yeah, and i'm down with boffing the SHIT out of branden too. a widdle bit of duct tape goes a long way.
you had me at gay mcgreasyhair dumb rock hobotown.
5 of 6 | Posted by k37744 | Posted on June 5, 2009 6:29 PM
How did the baby win? How did the baby win? Just because he finally busted out some decent pics this last time? Did he ever when a challenge? To decide a winner shouldn't the whole body of work be evaluated? Well, whatev- Sandhurst and Jonathan will get work. Branden is going to need the win- but I still think he's going to be chewed up and spit out- especially if he's being sent overseas like "Squirrel Gravy" Holly.
I thought Jonathan's son was adorable. He is so cute. He looks like he won't really get gorgeous until he's 21. Good- people who bloom early tend to be pieces of work.
Jonathan's face just cracked when he came in 3rd place. I know he thought he was going to win it- we all thought he would- but he'll get alright.
Sandhurst took his loss with grace. He really needs to work on his pics still but he does have a great walk. He needs to debulk a bit to get into the sample sizes though.
Branden got to sob like a punk which I didn't get. When the girl models would tear up even a little they were told to suck it up. There was definitely some girl hating this season. Nicole acted bored and that everyone was beneath her. She showed zero interest in her girls. Tyson on the other hand would get in there and show his guys how to do a shot if he had to. No wonder the final was male only.
Anywho great recaps Mona. You took a boring show about pretty boring people and made it interesting. This show made ANTM look like National Geographic.
PS. When Branden asked for Nicole's number or date whichever she said only if he won would he get it. Well he won, is he in like Flint or what?
6 of 6 | Posted by Viane Slice | Posted on June 7, 2009 5:59 AM