Tonight we finally kick off season one of a show that has been long-anticipated by no one! Co-hosted by formerly-fantastic-but-currently-resembling-Terri-Garr-and-not-even-hot-young-Mr.-Mom-era-Terri-Garr Niki Taylor and also-formerly-fantastic-but-still-totally-doable Tyson Beckford, Make Me a Supermodel is sure to be a wild ride of mediocrity! Join me, won't you?
I can't tell the difference anymore.
The casting special kicks off by stating the show's goal: to find 14 models to share a house in New York to compete for $100,000 and a contract with NY Model Management, with a chance to become a supermodel. I kind of get the feeling you're on your own on that last one, but I'll play along. Wait! There's a twist! "America" will be voting on which models continue in the competition, and which are sent back home to their careers as busboys and strippers.
The show opens with cast screenings in several cities around the country, and Niki announces that they will be bringing 35 hopefuls to a semifinalist competition in New York, where they'll narrow the group down to seven guys and seven girls. Tyson and Niki say in unison, not at all awkwardly, hesitantly, and stiltedly, "It's all happening right now on Make Me a Supermodel: Meet the Models!"
Niki mentions that "when you put an open call out, you pretty much get a whole bunch of different people." Sage words, Niki. I never thought of it like that. They do Dallas first. Amongst the beautiful people of Texas (where the big hair is suspiciously absent), we get our first standout character. Ah yes, every casting special needs its William Hung. He says he doesn't like the models on TV shows because they all look the same. Isn't that kind of the point? To be a blank canvas for the designer? He tells the camera guy that he's "probably going to get a call back because I'm better than all you bitches."
She bangs! She bangs!
Isabelle is the first hopeful who gets her name announced. That has to be a good sign. She says she's been modeling for two months with an agency, and then clarifies, "legitimate modeling." I can understand her need to differentiate the last two months from all the porn she's done before that. She knows she'll be famous someday, and this show will just be the kickstart. Ooooh, if Tyra heard her talking like that, we'd get to see her patented "you don't appreciate this opportunity! I came from nothing!" speech! Please try out for ANTM, Izzy! Please, please, please!
Niki announces that next up is Chicago, the City of Big Shoulders, which attracted some big shoulders. WTF, Niki? I hope for her sake the writer's strike is over soon.
We meet Igor (who incidentally, has medium-sized shoulders), who claims to do everything. "Everything" includes soccer, guitar, art, running around, school, and work; there aren't enough hours in the day for Igor. Not even enough hours to hang up his "awesome posters," Unfortch, Bravo blurred out the awesome poster he's trying to display, so we'll never know if it's of all of Fall Out Boy or just Pete Wentz by himself. Igor says sits in his room and headbangs with his posters and just watches TV all day long. How do you headbang with a poster? Headbang in front of it? Or do you hold it in your hands while you headbang? Or maybe, just maybe, Igor tapes Pete's face to one of those inflatable punching bags that we all had in the 80s and they mosh together:
It works on so many levels...
Josiah is next, from Nashville Tennessee. Despite the Nehru collar he's rocking, he's totally adorable. He describes himself as a determined, passionate perfectionist. Then he shows us his wife's closet, and tells us he picks out every single item of clothing that she wears. Great. My dream man is either an ubercontrolling psycho or gay. I guess the cute ones always are.
Nicholas from Minnesota is next. He smiles with only one side of his mouth.
"Hi guys. I'm still recovering from that stroke."
He says not like the other guys you're going to see today. You know, the ones who can move both sides of their face. Nicholas tells us that every time he sees his reflection, he's thinking of poses. That's so weird, because every time I see his reflection, I'm thinking of poseurs.
Next we have Ashley, who was called Yao Ming in high school. Funny, I don't see it.
"It's uncanny!"
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Comments (7)
!!! I was thinking the other day, when watching that huge ANTM marathon, that there should be a version of that with guys. There's nothing more funny than stupid guys who think they're beautiful (coughsamcough). This is interesting, though. I smell relationship-drama.
Who is that Sex21 guy? Is he related to SYTYCD's Sex? There are no words.
Thanks for the review, though! I'm going to start watching. You had me cracking up at several parts. XD
1 of 7 | Posted by trey | Posted on January 7, 2008 9:41 PM
Yep - Sex21 is the same Sex that was on the tryouts for the last couple of seasons of SYTYCD. And I saw him on another tryout episode of another reality show which I can't remember now. Ugh!
2 of 7 | Posted by neverenuftv | Posted on January 8, 2008 7:53 AM
What is "running around" because I picture a dog chasing his/her tail.
3 of 7 | Posted by Delicious Minds | Posted on January 8, 2008 8:08 AM
Good start, Sparkles! I have a feeling you can let your claws out a bit more, but let me stop on a hat!
A few more screengrabs would have helped.
I'm so lame, I thought they'd pick the crooked mouthed Queen--or at least give him a chance to Tom Cruise it. . .I mean, butch it up--they're so cruel.
Niki is quite bland, hard to see the model there--didn't she have a sister too--was she the more popular one? Good catch on the sting of her sitting there, but Tyson also should have said a beautiful bitch so it could be a guy or a girl . . . .I'm just sayin'
I did like the hair pulling couple, who both mentioned their bf's--was that Ronnie mystic tan? Aren't mystic tans supposed to be the thing now . . . you know, as opposed to real sun or something . . . so many questions, so little time, and I'll end with one more--when exactly did the American Public vote on those final 6 . . .
4 of 7 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on January 8, 2008 10:44 AM
Thank you, Sparkles! I was so desperately trying to figure out who Niki Taylor was reminding me of (besides all of the other moms at my kids' bus stop) and you hit it right on the head. And boo, Sparkles! That last picture you posted was of Dominic when he was doing his telenovela impression. Sure other people find him attractive! You and me included. From most angles, at least, from some he's weird looking. He's Clive Owen-ish that way. He was the only one I liked, and Ronnie, too, although the latter in a "please lose the platinum hair and perma-tan" way. I beautifully hated Beautiful Frankie... Of the girls, I liked the Louise Brooks looking one. Of course I noticed Jackie, since they only mentioned her 270 times in this episode, but she reminds me more of any sitcom hot-wife-of-fat-guy than of a supermodel.
Anyway, great job with the recap, Sparkles, especially being your first, and I'll look forward to reading the next ones.
5 of 7 | Posted by sayhuh | Posted on January 8, 2008 9:27 PM
neverenuftv - oh my god. I was half-joking. XD That guy is trying to get his own teevee show, or something. Maybe he should go on Tila's show. x_x
6 of 7 | Posted by trey | Posted on January 9, 2008 2:25 AM
Juddfan - Niki Taylor did have a younger sister Krissy who was also a model that died unexpectedly in the 90's. I think she was in her teens when she died and had some type of a heart problem.
7 of 7 | Posted by LNNC92 | Posted on January 9, 2008 12:11 PM