Hotness McHotterstein.
This week, it's all about sports, but not looking retarded while doing them. Yep, it's gonna be a hard challenge for these models. The shoot consists of the models flying around in the air like rag dolls, and then the catwalk is them in sexy little underwear cages. Mmmm...and, of course, a little bit of cattiness, a sprinkle of resentment and a dollop of unrequited lust!
This week on Make Me a Supermodel, what the fuck happened to Katherine Mallandrino? Did she die in a freak cashmere accident? And filling in, TABITHA? Uh, I'm not like a fashion expert, but doesn't that bitch do hair? Anyhoo, I digress...
To celebrate not being eliminated, Branden, Jordan and Mennonite have a threesome.
Oh yeah, In my Mennonite village, we did this all the time. But instead of Ikea comforters, we had hay.
Just kidding, you uptight bastards! They didn't boink each other. I'm sure they just talked about world issues until morning.
Angry-face reads a weird-looking email saying "Don't miss the bus for the photo shoot." I know, WEIRD. Bus? It's like being poor all over again!
Hey! Get dressed for a post-orgy bus ride!
Branden, you have some green jizz on your face- some sort of post-candy jack off session. But seriously, folks, it's a facial mask. And, Branden, you are so, so not gay. Kisses, Monamonzano.
Meanwhile, everyone's sorta pissed CJ is still in the house. Angrier face has an angrier face, just thinking about it.
Pretty, pretty models.
CJ realizes that she's the center of the drama, and states that it's hard. Yep, meeting new people is hard. Living with new people is hard. In fact, even modeling is hard. So is a maintaining a hairstyle that doesn't make you look like an awkward 8th grade girl.
Can we get this interview done? I'm going to be late to Language Arts Class.
Meanwhile, the editors seem to love the intensely boring side story of Gabriel waiting for the bathroom in his baby-blue underwear, looking like a stillborn. Yeah, I said it.
Gaby-baby
And I need to make an amendment- Angry face looks more like scary-face. That's Karen, the one who spells her name normally and doesn't have a boner for Colin. So they all shuffle out to the school bus, and get on in. everyone's making a big goddamned to-do about the school bus, school bus this, school bus that. But now I sorta kinda like Gabriel because he admits on national television that he "hates kids a little bit. Yeah, me too. With their tiny boots, rosy cheeks and unjaded youth. Fuck kids!
They arrive at a football field, and already the excuses are in abundance as to why the models are gonna suck at this shoot. Nice work, models!
Tyson comes up on that thingy that football guys push around to get strong or something. Yeah, I used to play semi-professionally. I'm so knowledgeable that I don't even have to use football terminology anymore. Um, yeah. And, Nicole looks super forlorn by this week's theme, as she's more suited for bongos and cute hats than 'roids and ass-grabbery.
Ugh- this jacket makes me look less avant-garde.
They introduce Justin Steel, some fancy-schmancy sports film-clicky to make glossy pictures of people guy. Naturally, everyone is impressed. Justin Steel tells the models they're gonna be on some weird harness thing on some sort of apparatus he made in his basement.
Okay, does anyone notice how Starburst always seems to get a little creepy when he gets his confessional camera time? Like his little sexy song? And now, likening himself to a matrix character? Ulp. Must be some Tobago ballerina thing.
Mr. Steel groups the models by they way they look and who they would least like to work with. Naturally, there is only one CJ so some groups don't have to deal with too much disappointment. Booo! The assignment: convery beauty and strength, and an aptitude for loathing. Got it, models? GO!
Amanda feels good because she's from a brood of athletes, and she went to the Junior Olympics for track and premature baby-making.
Colin and Branden get paired up. Muahaha, Shawn and Salome get paired up. Angrier-face, Amanda and Kerryn get to be a group. Jordan, Starburst and scaredy-face get to be a group and last and certainly least, Gabriel, CJ and Jonathan. Poor Jonathan- he should just kill himself. Or, like quit the competition.
Before the shoot, some of the models warm up, because, you know, true athletes warm up and shit.
I smell a Heisman.
« Damages: London. Of course. | Main | Ugly Betty: Sex, Sex, and More Sex Plus Something Really Icky! »
Comments (4)
I love Bravo but I feel this show is a waste until they boot some people. I was cracking up with this recap. I just saw Dallas from ROL on the Millionaire Matchmaker the other day and it made me wish for simpler times.
1 of 4 | Posted by newcastlefan | Posted on March 24, 2009 8:31 AM
Thanks for the recap Monamonzano.
They have a weird way of picking the best photos. The male photos seem stronger each week but they keep picking female winners.
I wonder if they were only able to get sponsership from designers that focused on females.
Thanks again
2 of 4 | Posted by gasmreader | Posted on March 24, 2009 1:43 PM
Monam, I'm shocked you did not mention the preview for this weeks show w/Kerryn's oh so smooth attemp at suduction (or should I say violation). "Run Clark, run!"
I never knew I could be appalled by someone and yet be jealous of that person at the same time. Is she a 'ho' or a 'lucky girl'. Guess that depends on how much she scared him.
She may not be a guy but either way that kind of thing is frowned on in a working environment. If I was her in that situation I would be scared of a law suite, unless a relationship was already establised and understood by both parties (in private!).
3 of 4 | Posted by dreamkeeper | Posted on March 24, 2009 3:30 PM
Hey mona, I'm back from Vakay and catching slowly up, just sending you the love, and scary face, or scaredy face, or angry and angrier, what ever, both of them are so meh!!!! I can't see why they were picked in the first place.
I don't care how hot Gabe is, that pout bugs the shit outta me!!!! I want him to go cut himself so he can feel alive--Lord I'm awful--catch ya on the next one!
4 of 4 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on March 30, 2009 2:41 PM