Mouhaha: Bringing the pretty.
This week on Make me a Supermodel, Tyson is gone because he got a modeling gig? Yeah, I'll believe it when I see it. The gals and dudes have a shoot based on who they are, or at least how they look like in front of mirrors. The winners get a specially especial treat- a sorta probably maybe kinda chance to walk in the highly sorta critically acclaimed Montreal fashion week. Get your francophone on! Anyhoo, the runway's all about freakiness and being performancy and arty and lame. Also, Kerryn touches Colin's pee-pee. Yeah, watching this episode? The pleasure was ALL mine.
Man, there is nothing weirder than waking up to a digital video of Tyson Beckford awkwardly reading a teleprompter. Am I right, models?
Wait, Tyson Beckford actually BOOKED A GIG? Isn't he like, 40 something? Maybe it's for dockers. Or, like, one of those mall shops with all those cosby sweaters that black people like. Is that racist? Maybe, but someone's gotta be keeping those stores in business, and it sure isn't my cheap-ass Jewish self.
Moving on...Gabriel cool-ly hopes that the "trip" is the Hamptons, because it's close by. Oh, Gaby Baby- it's not like you'd WIN the challenge anyway. Am I right?
At..the studio...? Nicole meets them looking a little pissed that she'll have to talk to the models more than the usual odd insult. Oh, Tyson- none of the producers bet on you BOOKING A JOB. Oh, and guess who decided to go avant-garde on us this week? Jon and Muahaha.
The Aerosmith bandmates
So, Michael Bergen is being the guy's mentor this week. Apparently, he's some model guy who was on Baywatch once, but he looks like my Dad.
If my Dad were unemployed and wore douchey necklaces.
The photographer is Endura Sisserrine, also lookin' like a real housewife of Orange County. Like, a really, really bitchy housewife who makes her daughters go on diets and who dates an old guy with cancer. Man, I am so PC this week, and we haven't even BEGUN the slow and deliberate ridicule of the models!
The Housewife of Orange County (who, now that I look at her, could also be a guy in drag, take your pick) tells the models that they are going to be posing with someone they know "very well." Geez. She can't just say they're doing a photo shoot with a bunch of mirrors, can she?
Of course, Jordan wastes no time asserting that she does NOT want to be with Amanda and that Amanda should die.
Apparently, this shoot is all about capturing emotion, being raw and...expressive. Uh, sorry, Gabriel. No Pouts allowed!
The winner of the shoot picks a buddy and gets to possibly maybe walk in the Montreal Fashion Week, which is two steps up from the Pewaukee, Wisconsin Fashion Week, which takes place in the Cloverdale Value Mall.
Nicole says a few fleeting, uninspired words to the girls while the men jack each other off and do man things like eat beef jerky and hi-five.
This Photo shoot is gonna be Hetero as SHIT.
For some reason, Jonathan is looking more and more like a plucked duckling or Christian Bale in "The Machinist." What gives? Jonathan, take your One-A-Days! It's good for you.
Somebody give this man a ham sandwich.
Jonathan's picture looks lame, but everyone likes it. Starburst doesn't like his reflection but when he was YOUNG, he had ACNE. Ugh, Cry me a river, Starburst. Or, don't. Instead, how about you give me a super bland photo. Ok? Cool.
Oh, and now it's Gaby Baby. Emotion does NOT equal cool looking and pouting. Why can't he do ANYTHING ELSE WITH HIS FACE? Even when he talks about his pops getting a BRAIN TUMOR. Christ, I think this guy needs a personality and emotions more so than a career in modeling.
CJ did well, for once. Weird.
Branden, on the other hand, doesn't know where Montreal is. Wow, I mean, I know you're 18, but did you pass elementary school, or did you get by on your looks? Man, I wish I got by on my looks in 3rd grade. I mean, I had a super fucking hot 3rd grade face, but my teachers didn't seem to notice it, probably because they were starin' at my rock-hard 3rd grade abs and pecs!
Branden also seems impressed by things like cameras, mirrors and jackets. He's like a super pretty chimp.
I will take this Chimp and capture him for my own.
« American Idol: Uh...Notown | Main | Amazing Race: Domo Arigato Mommie Roboto »
Comments (11)
LOL, Monamonzano. Colin is love, yes? Like a skinny little English schoolboy you just want to chastise non-chastely.
Is Jon manorexic? No idea. Prior to his cut, he was very 90s David Beckham. Now, he's sliding his way into Posh territory. Maybe he wants to be the new Poshn'Becks, both at the same time? Because Americans are suckers for the British accent.
His abs are still smoking though. You could grill steaks on those things!
It's funny you mentioned Tyson in commercial. I saw him on one just last night, during Hell's Kitchen. He was wearing an uber-tight yellow polo and talking about golf. I think. I can't right remember, mainly because (a) he probably was talking about golf (*snooze*) and (b) he kept flexing his arms, making his muscles dance under that damnedly tight shirt. Dancing muscles are distracting, yet I get the feeling it wasn't the London gig. (Distinct lack of anything English, being the reason.) Still, it was a gig. And if he is 40, yum.
1 of 11 | Posted by jennaboa | Posted on March 27, 2009 10:40 AM
It's like Jonathan lost some of his spark when they cut his hair.
Oh, Colin. Sweet Colin.
I did not like the straight hair for the fashion show.
2 of 11 | Posted by dreamkeeper | Posted on March 27, 2009 3:15 PM
The day that GABRIEL does better than Colin, is the day I stop worshipping David Soul. And that ain't never gonna happen.
Judges just wanted to get Mono all worked up, thinking they were about to let the adorable V-baby go.
3 of 11 | Posted by hutchlover | Posted on March 27, 2009 6:06 PM
Good recap-it's cardigan not cartigan.
I like the real housewife references.
4 of 11 | Posted by wincha | Posted on March 27, 2009 6:51 PM
Funny recap. I'd like it to be longer and have more screen caps, though.
I think Colin has such a great face that the judges can't bear to ditch him. Kerryn was really icky when she came on to him. That's not the way to seduce a virgin, and it is also stupid to grab someone who is plainly just not that into you.
Jon's looking pretty skinny, compared to what he looked like before. Maybe he is losing weight to have a more "high fashion" look.
5 of 11 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on March 27, 2009 9:07 PM
we'll find out just what sizes all of the models are this week. None of the females could actually be a runway model, nothing on runway models moves when they walk, the ladies on this show look more on the normal side of things.
CJ needs to go home, she just looks so out of place all the time.
6 of 11 | Posted by carol | Posted on March 27, 2009 10:20 PM
I totally agree, CJ is a waste of time. Am I the only one that thought Shawn looked like Eric McCormick? He was the right choice to go if it couldn't be CJ. Hope she's next!!
7 of 11 | Posted by featherhead | Posted on March 28, 2009 5:43 AM
Douchey necklaces aside, if your dad really looks like Michael Bergen, I would like to volunteer to be your new stepmom...or at least to be the woman who your real mom later refers to as "that whore who your father screwed around with until he came to his senses." For Michael Bergen (or a reasonable facsimile), I'd make myself THAT avaiable. available. Just sayin':-)
8 of 11 | Posted by LastCall | Posted on March 28, 2009 12:34 PM
Great recaps! I have been catching up to them these last few days. I had a good laugh when I came to your superhot 3rd grade abs.
I would really like more screencaps too, please, especially of the photos. I'm too lazy to go to the Bravo website and look for them there... Oh, and you didn't show anywhere near enough butt cheeks, come on, they gave you a whole smorgasbord of them this week to choose from, closeups and all! After all, this is the one "modeling" competition on TV that knows that all we want out of these things is loopy concepts and pretty people as naked as possible.
Kerryn was really gross this week. I wonder how she would have liked it if one of the guys randomly squeezed her boob.
And it seemed like Gabe just gave his usual boring expressions in both the photo and the runway and yet he wasn't even in the bottom? Well, OK, I won't complain. As long as he keeps his mouth shut he's easy on the eyes...
9 of 11 | Posted by sayhuh | Posted on March 28, 2009 5:16 PM
Great recap. It could be snakier, longer with more pics but I aint complaining. I can't believe you didnt mention (or screen cap) the awesome shot of Brandens ass. Good TV. Good Bravo.
10 of 11 | Posted by zenmickey | Posted on March 28, 2009 7:48 PM
More screencaps it is for my little beauties! Good to know I'm not the only one with a boner for Colin, too. Sigh.
Love my readers! Especially feels good to know that my love Juddfan is back!!!
11 of 11 | Posted by Monamonzano | Posted on March 30, 2009 2:54 PM